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Where to draw the line with a new guy when I already have a Boyfriend?
I love my boyfriend very much, we've been dating for a little over a year now. Recently, I've been going to some legal programs as punishment for a small wreck a few months ago. While there, I've met a guy that is really nice. When we first started going, he was really cool and I could tell he was flirting with me but I didn't flirt back because I have a boyfriend and I'd never dream of cheating on him. Anyways, tonight was our last court date and he lives about an hour away so there isn't really a reason for us to see each other anymore. The thing is, I like him a lot as a friend and I'd like to be better friends with him but I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression, especially my boyfriend. After we left the court house, this other guy asked me out to dinner and I politely declined (he didn't know I had a boyfriend at the time). Later, I added him on facebook and he apologized for asking me out because he didn't know I had a boyfriend at the time and I decided not to tell my boyfriend about this guy asking me out because I didn't want to cause unnecessary jealousy...so I guess what I'm asking is, would it be wrong of me to pursue a friendship with this guy? I feel like it would be selfish of me to do so because it might hurt my boyfriend and lead this other guy on...but could I still text this guy some times?? I just don't know where to draw the line! Thanks for any help!
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hello...so i would talk and be honest with both guys. Start with your boyfriend by telling him about htis guy and that u want to be friends with him then tell the other guy bout your boyfriend! being honest and talking it out is your best bet right now....good luck!!!
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Well i would say that someone with a boyfriend is aloud to have a guy friend. It is all your decision what you should do about this. It would be fine if you talked to this guy but you tell this guy that you have a boyfriend and that you and him are just friends, nothing more. Make it clear to him. Also, you could tell your boyfriend you met a guy, who is a friend, nothing more. Because one day he might find out and get the wrong impression, and be upset.
xx
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I do not think you should stop your simple friendship with the guy just because you have a boyfriend. If you did, that would mean that a girl and a guy cannot be just friends. If you know your intentions are pure then I believe you have nothing to worry about. The only thing is, I feel you should spend more time with your boyfriend than your friend because that way your boyfriend wouldn't get the impression that you're cheating on him. You should let your boyfriend know about your friend and just make it clear that you're just friends. Don't try to over emphasize that you're only friends as well because this will put ideas in his head, just make it simple. I'm not sure if you should tell your boyfriend about the dinner part. You know your guy's personality better than any1 else so you have to judge what his reaction would be. As long as your intentions are pure, you have nothing to worry about, but just make sure that your friend knows you have a boyfriend and that you have no interest in him other than just being a simple friend.
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This other guy has already expressed an interest in you. Attempting to be his friend, in my opinion, is playing with fire. Yes, you would indeed be leading this guy on. He might think that somewhere down the line there's a chance that your friendship can turn into something more. The fact that you just happened to omit the fact you had a boyfriend while chatting with him in court leads me to believe you perhaps had feelings for him and maybe wanted to see where it would go. If you really do love your boyfriend and value that relationship then forget pursuing a friendship with this other guy. It won't end well. Good luck!
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JUST TELL THEM BOTH.
The problem isn't wanting to make a new friend - the problem is not being honest.
Tell the new guy that you are really happy with your boyfriend and would like to be his friend - if he up for that (he might be too embarrassed, or decide for his own reasons not to be friends with you.)
Then tell your boyfriend you made a new friend at court, and a bit about him.
Then treat the new guy AS a friend. Think about the ways you interact with other friends - do you text them every single day? Probably not. So if you find yourself texting your new court friend every day, you know you are mucking up.
It's not quite as complicated as you think. You just need to start being up front with people. Your only mistake so far is not telling the guy right away when he asked you to dinner that you had a boyfriend.
If you are uncomfortable with just being honest (like I imagine you were a bit when you didn't just tell the guy you had a boyfriend when you first noticed him flirting or when he asked you out) then you have a problem, and shouldn't pursue a friendship with this guy until you have fixed your problem and have learned to be up front with people, including your boyfriend.
The only trouble in this whole thing, is when you don't tell the truth. Which makes me worried about WHY you don't tell the truth - and that will make your boyfriend worried too.
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You're popping my advicenators cherry... so a moment of silence please.... thanx.
Now let's start at the beginning. You've been in a year long relationship, so I'm postive that as a female, you've had to deal with many other flirtations and temptations along the course of your relationship. ONLY because you're finding yourself in a confused state about friending a male outside of the mutual friends you've have with your boyfriend, I would think you should consider if you are truly satisfied with your current relationship first. Once you answer that question, question if your afraid of of maintaining this next guy as a friend because you don't trust "his future intentions" or YOURS?
It seems that even though you would never dream of being in a cheating scenario, you may have all the pieces in place to transition into one. It seems that you know 1.) the reference of time to this guy place from your own residence, 2.) you pursued the friend request, 3.)you didn't have ONE conversation previously which announced that you are in a relationship and 4.) you are already attracted to this class guy....
As people, we have levels of need that need attention that our everyday spouses/mates may not cover (not because of neglect, but maintenance of a relationship sometimes aren't easily to announced and properly address). And being reminded of what it feel like to be a woman or what got you into your current relationship is realistic and NECESSARY......
And not trying to pick arguements but if you have a handsome boyfriend or a vaguely intriging mate, you may be overlooking that you are not the only individual in your relationship....
Considering the details of your life, none of us can answer UNBIASLY. (hoped that's how it's spelled..)
You know what you can endure..
Best
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