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Am I right by this?
Ok I am a 26 year old male... It's a girl that I have been talking to for the last three months...We haven't seen each other we meet off of
a social networking site... But we haven't seen each other before... But for the last three month we have been texting each other everyday and, talking on the phone everynight for hours... We have been sort of liking each other since we talked... But we both kept the relationship on a friendly manner... But when other females try to talk to me she gets jealous and vice versa... so the day before yesterday we both admmited that we liked each other... And if our meeting went right we will date each other... shes way on the east coast and im on the westcoast... but next month i was gonna fly out there and take her on a date... and we were going to hang out... so i asked her could we have sex... and she got all mad and was like no... she treated me as if i was wrong... but 5 min before she was saying that she would rape me... i mean i knew she was joking but we joked alot on a sexual manner... she's 20 and she has been with 5 guys and three different women... so it's not lik shes a virgin... and i dont think i was wrong because i have been talking to her 4 three months and i geinuly wanted to start a relationship when we meet... I'm upset because I started to grow feelings but at the same time... I think she was wrong for treating me like this...what do you think?
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I don't think either of you are wrong and evil. You just don't know actually each other. Your online conversations have given you the illusion of knowing one another well, but it's only a illusion.
If you still want to met her, apologize for being so forward and assuming it was something you two should talk about, without probing a bit deeper into her feelings or opinions on the matter.
Then have a gentle, honest discussion about where sex fits in your life and your relationships and ask her to be just as candid. Jokes are one thing. Actual discussions create relationships.
Get over feeling betrayed. She probably feels betrayed as well. You don't know each other well enough to know what will offend, and that 'betrayal' is just the betrayal of your fantasy of this person - the thing you construct in your mind before finding out who they truly are.
You are very right that you need to talk about this before you come to met her - you are two sexually active adults who have been in a 'sorta' relationship for four months. It's perfectly fair (and really smart!) to talk about this. You just need to back up and be sensitive about how you approach it, and share your opinions and expectations.
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Certainly isn't the smartest choice you've made..
Lets back track, You are going to fly half way across the United States to see a woman you've never met? I'm surprised she had enough self respect to turn down sex. Did you ever wonder why she was on a dating site? Well, This woman has been with 5 guys and three different woman and you honestly want to go and fuck her?...I think you should do some serious thinking to whether you are thinking with your head or your manhood. Anybody can say things over the internet, Through texting etc. and as much as someone comes across as nice, sweet and innocent 99% of people you'll meet through dating sites or on the internet in general are never exactly who they say they are. Just from her description she is likely a BIG waste of time. Meet someone local, That would certainly be a smarter move anyhow.
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You know what, i think that you are not wrong, you are talking to her and all yall didnt do was see each other... and then if she is playing when she she say that she will rape you then she is really to have sex with you. All i think it is, is that she dont want you to think that she is easy. But you know what just take it slow with her, yall sound like yall are clicking real good. You are older than her and she is only 20 so i think that you should just meet up with her and chill and if yall have sex than yall do, if yall dont than yall dont. I hoped that i helped you in anyway...if you need any other questions, feel free to email me @ penpaperaddict@gmail.com....or my column....One Love!!!
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"Hey, you're super nice. I'm going to be flying over there next month and I'll take you out on a fantastic date. Oh, by the way, can we have sex after, too?"
Uh...any woman that is even slightly respectable isn't going to say, "YES!"
What type of woman do you think she is?
Just because she's had sex before means she has no self-respect or morals?
You just called her a slut. Just because you come over to see her and take her out on a nice date doesn't mean you're getting into her pants. Seriously. What is wrong with you?
You could have very well just blown the entire possibility of ever having a serious relationship with this girl. First you send her the, "I like you. Let's get to know each other better..." message followed up with, "I want to have sex." That is NOT how you win over a woman--no matter how horny or hard-up you may be!
If she had then came here to Advicenators and saw that you feel your question as appropriate and justified because:
1. She made a joke. You both knew it was a joke. You've joked before. (FYI: Jokes are...JOKES!)
and
2. She's not a virgin. (So...she's now deemed an immediate slut that will open her legs for anybody who flashes a smile her way?! What?!)
Then, boy, she'd probably trash your phone number in a second. If any guy I was "talking to" said, "Can we have sex?" and I said, "Uh...no!" and he followed up that stupid question with, "But it's not like your a virgin!" Then I'd probably feel like he deserves to feel bad. Seriously.
Just because she isn't sexually pure doesn't mean she's a whore or that she's easy. Past sexual encounters could be viewed as mistakes on her part. The past could very well be "in the past" on her side.
Three months of a friendly internet and phone discussion doesn't mean you deserve to get laid. It doesn't mean she will even like you. Heck, you haven't even committed yourselves to each other and you're looking to get her in bed right away?
She isn't wrong at all for being upset.
I would be furious.
You need to apologize for your behavior. Explain to her that you didn't mean to disrespect her by asking for sex immediately, but it's just that you're extremely attracted to her and feel a connection. Explain that you didn't mean to hurt her feelings or cause her to be upset. You can tell her that you got mixed signals since you two have been joking about sexual things recently and thought that asking bluntly would be taken lightly. You just weren't thinking with your head.
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