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marriage problems
I have been married a little over a year. I didnt know my husband very long before we got married but I loved him I know I did and I still do but he wont work, he doesnt help with house work unless i beg him to please help me. He complains when i go to work and has to stay home with our daughter. I have a 3 year old son who isnt is. But my son knows him as his father. It just seems like he is constantly yelling at him. Hes spanked him before and left a big hang print but he doesnt touch him now since i yelled about it and made him apoligize. We have been arguing a lot. We have our good days and our bad but it seems to just get worse. Weve has fights were hes taken a part off my car so i couldnt leave but he told me to get the F out. I love him and care about him I just dont know what to do. I am looking for support and advice and your opinion please and thank you
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It is very obvious from your post that you love your husband and care very deeply about what has happened to your relationship. That said, it can not be denied, and you can not allow yourself to deny that the behavior you have described by yor husband is wrong, and down right abusive. You may still have very strong emotional feelings towards him, feelings you describe as love, but his behavior is endangering you and the welfare of your children. For the sake and safety of yourself and your children, putting as much distance as possible between you and your husband is wise even necessary. He's obviously immature in many respects and may have other serious issues only he can come to grips with and seek professional help for. And while it may be challenging, you have what it takes to change your circumstances: You have the courage to recognize warning signs in your relationship that many would rather ignore; you can earn a living; and additional support to help you through this difficult time can often be found through family, close friends, and organizations that help women just like you gather all the necessary resources needed to care for themselves and their children. No one should have to endure abuse from any one let alone those who vow to love us in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad times. You deserve better. You deserve happiness and love.
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There is no excuse for his behavior no matter how bad he feels about himself. I was in a similar situation and got out asap. Nobody should be hitting a child and leaving a handprint, biological parent or not. This type of behavior typically escalates and your son deserves better as do your daughter and yourself. You are supporting your family already and can continue to do so without him. There is daycare assistance in every state if you can't afford it. You also don't want your children growing up seeing this. Think about how you would feel if, when she grew up, your daughter ended up with a man like your husband. Or if your son treated his wife in this manner. Children grow to live what they've seen. I would get out asap. Best of luck to you and I know you love him but hopefully you love yourself and your children as much or more and will find a way out of this.
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Im sorry but if some one laid a hand on my kid apology or not i would leave him second thing he sounds like he can be violent nor you our your kids should be around some one like that violence only esculades trust me you may love him but loving him isnt worth you or yoou kids safty my advice get away from him asap and make sure your kids have a better less violent home best of luck
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It is hard to be a step parent, but I think it's even harder to be a biological parent trying to be fair to everyone. Your always in the middle, and no matter how much your husband likes your son, there is always a part of both of you that will remember.
It is VERY common for people in this situation, especially women, to notice every time we think we spot a difference or an unfairness, and you may not accept your husband acting in a certain way towards your son, when it may be totally acceptable if he were to give your daughter a spanking. My suggestion to you is to listen to your heart. If you feel as if your husband really loves your son, but is going through all of the difficulties and emotions that any normal man in his position would do, than you have to lighten up and let him know you value his opinion. If you're going to be with him, you will have to be a united team. I have been in this situation, and I think it's best for you to follow your motherly instincts, but to a point. If you instinctively feel like your husband is a good guy, than you have to trust he is going to do what he thinks is best, for the most part, and understand that everyone makes mistakes. Realize, too, that it puts your son in a very uncomfortable position when he hears you arguing, or even senses tension between you. It is hard for every child, but especially confusing for "step" children because of their already precarious relationship. Just make sure you are very careful in what your son hears, and know that little children have remarkable memories and patterns you start now will grow out of control. Never let on to your son that you think your husband favors your daughter. That should be a moot issue in your household, and if you and your husband ever do discuss it, you should be out of the house and completely alone. Don't say things when you think the kids are sleeping because it only takes one conversation to put questions of inferiority in their mind.
Also, accept the fact that your relationship is supposed to be a mess. Noone said this was going to be easy. One great thing you can do for your husband is realize that it is harder to be the parent who stays home than it is to be the one who goes to work, and that is especially hard for a man becuase of social norms and customs. Many people probably tease him about being effeminate.
Plus, when things are going wrong with you, Mr. Wonderful always seems to walk into your life telling you how he could treat you better, and some of your friends are in new relationships and so in love, and it seeems like other guys give you more attention than your getting from your man at home. Pay no attention to that. That's crap and in a couple of years Mr. Wonderful is going to be long gone, your friends are going to be arguing, and guys are always going to pay you attention.
Don't be a sucker, either, and don't let this guy walk all over you, or ever hit you, but at the same time, you are a family. Make sure you remember to be thankful for what you have more than you're wishing for something you don't. it takes two to argue; the only innocent people in this situation are your children, so don't be wishy-washy.
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Well the situation seems a mess, and I'm not married, but i've seen my parents, and your situation reminds me of them.
Maybe your husband is too lazy to go look for a job himself, so maybe you should look for him, go job hunting, try to ask people you know if they have any positions free, what does he work? Maybe if you point out a good opportunity, he won't miss out and he would actually consider. I'm sure he gets bored himself, and that's exactly why he fights with you, cause he doesn't like the concept of you having something to do and being busy and he's just sitting around like that being useless.
And when he treats the kids bad, its again because he can stand himself and he's angry and upset so he takes it out on them. So definetly, the solution is him finding a job to occupy himself, cause then, when he comes back home, you'd be done with work too and you'll see each other and you'll miss each other, and you'll have things to talk about and share, and it will be better than. If you can't talk to him yourself about job offers, maybe you can talk to a family member related to him to talk to him about it, maybe then when he finds everyone nagging him about it, he'd start to consider.
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