|
humorist-workshop
about to give up hope on bf and his 4 yr old! :(
I am dating a guy who is AMAZING! he has a 4 yr old who i love! my problem is that when we have her EVERY WEEKEND he sleeps in her bed with her every night! and when i tell her or ask her to do something he underminds me because its not what she wants!
he says he trys to give her her way bc he only hets her on the weekends... but its making it where im about to GIVE UP and tell him to pack his stuff and hers and get out of my apt!
but i really love him... so idk how to handle all this!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Domesticity category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Parenting?
I once dated a man who had a child from a previous relationship, and at times it was a struggle.
If you really love this man, than you need to be sympathetic to what he is telling you about this situation ... he feels guilty that he is not there everyday.
All you can do is tell him that you understand and assure him that you want his daughter to have fun when the 3 of you are together but you also want her to have rules and boundaries.. the best thing for that little girl is for the 2 of you to give her a "family" environment on the weekends that she is at your place.
He should stand by your side when you have made a decision. Perhaps the two of you need to sit down and communicate a little more - u should ask him what he expects from you when his daughter is over on the weekends. Maybe he thinks you are asking to much of her...
I also gather from your message that you are getting frustrated that his daughter is over every weekend... Is it possible for him to spend some time with her during the week and than possibly her spending every other weekend...
In the meantime, it sounds to me like you and his daughter need a "girls day out" ... sounds like there is some tension and if you truly love this man you need to bond in a positive way with his little angel and if you can't than you should just let them go ... she is never going anywhere and she is only going to get older ....
I don't know your details like how long you and him have been dating and how long he has been a single dad .... this might be all new to him as well in respects to having a girlfriend and a daughter ....
good luck
]
Giving a child "her way" 2 days a week is only teaching her that he has no boundaries and how to manipulate him from the get go. No child needs this and he is undermining her priorities and her sense of self because of his own guilt over the way the family broke up or that he is just not able to be there 24/7 because of the way way the split was finalized.
You have every right to be upset over his "taking sides" with her no matter what every single weekend, no matter what the circumstances are and you are just getting set up to be the enemy in the long run. This man may be wonderful but he shows some serious imbalances with the child. She should be shown and given respect and love and so should you. You can put your foot down gently and still maintain your home and relationship, otherwise who are you those two days a week? The landlord? The cook? The invisible girl sitting on the back burner with a fake smile plastered across your face waiting for Monday? I suggest he get some counseling, o,r at least a place where you can all come to a comfortable agreement about things and all be happy. He will damage his daughter more than help her doing what he is doing now...and No, I don't think you are in a good position at all under these conditions. Good Luck, honey..you sound like a nice person.
]
Okay...He gets to see her 2 days out of the week. You get him every day.
Dont you think your being a bit selfish.
I dont think its appropriate for him to be sleeping in her bed at 4 years old. Shes not a baby, shes old enough to sleep by herself.
But you need to remember that this is not your child, and it is his child. His word is absolute over yours when it comes to her. If you two were married it might be different but as it is right now, your not, and its not your place to boss her around.
If your going to break up with him because he loves his daughter, then your messed up.
]
Honestly thats not the right thing to do. It is NOT your child for those of us who have step parents or significant others in our lives we hate it. Its like who the F*** are you? you dont own me and your not my parent. Dont be like his ex and leave him just suck it up because what your about to do is not right at all
]
More Questions: |