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Typical Boy Confusion...advice?
Okay, well I'll try making this as short as possible, if that's possible. So I met this guy while I was up north with one of my friends. I'm a sophomore in college and he's a freshman. Ironically, we live in the same town (I go to the university here and he lives here and goes to the community college). So of course, I thought it was fate haha. Anyways, we started talking quite a bit after meeting up north, mainly through texting, and he continuously told me how he was gonna be staying at my place (I have an apartment this year) all the time and how we were gonna be hanging out all the time. I'm pretty hesitant when it comes to guys, cause I certainly don't like to get my hopes up, so if he hadn't given me these false hopes I wouldn't be so certain that things were gonna turn out good. So once I moved into my apartment, which was about a month ago, we've seemed to talk less and less. He's been over about once a week since I've moved in, although it's been almost two weeks now. He used to text me every day and yet he's only texted me twice since last Saturday. We talk occasionally on facebook, and he shows the typical guy-signs of jealousy when he thinks I hang out with other boys (which I don't) and like two weeks ago we told each other that we really like each other, so you'd think that we'd be spending a decent amount of time together or at least talking a lot. But nope. He has practice every weekday morning and night, so I understand he's busy, but that shouldn't be an excuse. Also, he neverrr comes over on the weekends, only at night on like Wednesdays once he's out of practice and we never hangout during the day. So he basically comes over and we watch tv or something and go to sleep. We don't do anything (sexually) so it's not like he's using me or something. So I just don't know. I've talked to my friends about this a lot and even they don't know what the deal is. I don't think I've ever been this confused. Do I just move on and don't make him a big part of my life? What if someone else comes along; is it wrong to hangout with other boys at this point? I certainly don't wanna put my life on hold for a guy, but I do/did like him a lot and don't wanna ruin anything if he still likes me or whatever. Any advice as to what I should think or do? Also, I told him straight up that I don't text guys first, soo he's very aware that he needs to talk to me first and it hasn't been a problem until recently. And now I wouldn't wanna text him first anyways considering I don't even know if he wants to talk to me haha. Thanks though!
Oh, and I guess I should add, I confronted him early on that 99% of guys I know turn out to be players, but he SWEARS he's not. And since we're not actually "sexually active" wouldn't that defeat the purpose of being a player? Or is that not necessarily what a player looks to get? haha
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Hey there,
It sounds as if you expect him to give you more of an effort, when you don't really show him that you want to give an effort. Sure he is busy, but if he doesn't have time to talk to you, send him a quick "hello" or "I was just thinking of you" to let him know you want to hear from him when he isn't busy.
Instead of thinking of all the times he doesn't come over, you should appreciate the times when he does come over. At least he is making an effort to come over once or twice a week. If you feel though that you want more of an exciting date, then find something more exciting then tv to do. You could go for a walk, sleep under the stars, give eachother massages, make pizza together (guys love food), or soak in the tub together. Whatever your heart fancies.
If you are unsure if he wants to talk to you, then talk to him. Tell him you hope he is doing well, that you would like to spend more time with him, and that if he is having a rough day you are always there to talk to. This will let him know that you want to be in a closer relationship, he can text you whenever he feels, and that you are there for him. I hope you make time to go to his place too, that way he will feel comfortable having you over anytime.
I don't see why you wouldn't text a guy first. Is is because you are nervous? Is it because you just don't want to? Or is it because you don't know what to say? Whatever the reason, communication has to work both ways or the relationship will slowly go downhill. What if he never texts you for a week? That could be a long time without talking... anyhow, never be shy to text him a nice "what are you up to?" or "I can't wait to see you again". Even though you said 'I don't text guys', he could be waiting for a message to know you do want to talk to him at some point.
If he says he isn't a player, he most likely is being honest with you. There are only a small bunch of guys that would treat you nice, say he isn't a player, and then actually turn out to be a player. Players are people that will try and pick you up just to make another girl jealous, pursuade you into thinking you like them only to dump you later on, and/or make you fall for them only so you will have sex with them. Since you aren't sexually active, I would say he is thinking of getting closer to you emotionally first, even though a guy would never say that out loud :p The actions your guy shows now lets you how he will treat you in the future. Just because you two aren't sexually active, doesn't mean he isn't a player, it just means he has a way lower chance of being one. All you need to know is: if he treats you good he is good, if he asks about you life or how you are doing he truly cares about your life, and if he makes time for you... he is still interested.
My boyfriend and I see eachother once a week, but we are still happy and in a close relationship. Plus, we text eachother only a few times a week. Let your guy know what makes you happy. It is not how much you see eachother that matters, it is the quality of the visit and conversation that does <3
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