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Am i ready for sex ?
Turning 16 In September(: / Female
ohkay so ivee been feeling likee my harmonees hvee been goingg crazyy to feel whaat its likee to have sex. I have a boyfriend who ifeel really comfortable whidd andd can picturee myself loosing it too . Buh im really self consious about my bodyy , dahts whaat stopps me from actually being sexually active whidd someeone, ifeel likee my blubber looks sooo disgustingg when im nakeed! Im 5'2 andd weight about 138 . Whaat shouldd i do?
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If you ever doubt yourself about sex, you are not ready. Point blank. If you're self conscious about yourself, even with a boyfriend that you trust a lot, you obviously don't trust him enough to show him your body.
There are other alternatives to sex, as you probably already know. I would stick with that since you said yourself that you're comfortable with your boyfriend, but not comfortable enough to be completely naked.
Trust me, it is better to wait. It is better to wait until you're absolutely sure, doubts aside, and self consciousness aside. When you have sex, you don't want any worries or anything at the back of your mind. It will feel so much better to have sex when you're not thinking about anything else but it and your boyfriend.
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I think the problem here is self conciousness. You don't seem to have any sexual issues. I had a girlfriend once who was perfectly sized, she was the exact right weight for her age and height. She thought she was fat though and no manner of compliment would persuade her otherwise. Eventually one day I got so aggrivated with her self confidence issues that I took the option out of her hand. With her approval, I set up an evening for us alone at home where we were both to be naked for the entire night. It sounds weird, and actually wasn't about sex at all. I wanted to show her that I am not only comfortable with my body, but comfortable seeing hers over a long period of time.
It really helped her and made her realise how her problem wasn't real. It was in her head.
I think you have the same issue, and although I don't expect you to do the same as we did, I hope you can get over your self confidence issue. Until you do, you wont be happy with any partner sexually.
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Sex isn't just picturing yourself doing it with a particular person. That isn't what sex is about at all. It isn't a reason to have sex.
Sex comes with a lot of things.
Sex makes babies. That's what it's whole purpose is. Sex wasn't meant to just be fun. It is part of creation. It is part of reproduction.
Accidents will happen.
No matter if you wear a condom and use hormonal birth control pills.
Accidents happen.
If you can picture this and be fine then maybe it's time, but having the doubt in the first place is a huge sign that you are not ready:
You have sex with your guy. Two months down the road you realize you're pregnant.
What will you do? Will you be mature and discuss this with your partner? Will he be supportive of the decisions you both agree to? Will he run and hide out of fear? Will you panic?
If you decide to keep the baby then what if you find out, in the later portion of pregnancy, that something is wrong with it? What if the doctor runs the usual tests and comes back to you and says, "Well...something isn't quite right. We're looking over some bloodwork and we're pretty sure your baby will have downsyndrome..."
Will you be able to cope? Can you deal with that? Will you change your mind about everything and put it up for adoption all of a sudden? Will your partner be mature enough to talk with you about this and help you two together come to an adult decision?
Your body has nothing to do with if you're ready for sex. You can be 6'3" and 200lbs and not be ready for sex. You can be the most comfortable person in their skin and not be ready for sex. You don't judge yourself when it's time to have sex based on what you feel about yourself. Sex isn't how you FEEL about you body. Sex is making babies. Flat-out. That's what happens. That's nature.
Your hormones might be going WILD--they do for everyone--but it doesn't mean you're ready to handle that responsibility. No 16 year old girl should have to go through an abortion. No 16 year old girl should have to give birth to a deformed baby. No 16 year old girl should have to set-up an adoption for their infant. 16 is for going out to movies and pizza. 16 is for hanging out with you best buds and checking out hot guys. 16 is for enjoying life. Not being stressed out and worried over something so huge.
Sex is for reproduction. It is. Honestly. It feels good. It does. Honestly. The truth is, there is no way to stop your body from doing what it was naturally meant to do. Hormonal birth control is only about 93% effective on preventing pregnancy in the real world. Condoms are only about 88% on preventing pregnancy in the real world. These methods fail. Accidents happen. They always do. Nobody EVER thinks, "Gee, I know the condom is going to burst tonight so I better use some spermicidal lube, the pull out method, and take my birth control pill on time!" It happens, literally, in the blink of an eye.
I know more than one person who got pregnant their first time having sex.
My cousin is one of these people. Her boyfriend was told he would NEVER reproduce because of a childhood injury. The doctors told him over and over again that he would never have a baby in his life. My cousin had a head injury when she was a child and the doctor's told her it injured the pituitary gland that she would probably have a lot of hormonal problems growing up that would prevent her from having a baby without something like invitro-fertilization. They got together one night, had sex (with a condom, just for note), and the next month she found out she was pregnant. It looked literally impossible for her to have gotten pregnant but it's true. The odds were WAY against her getting pregnant. Accidents happen.
And I haven't even touched base that NO birth control method--condoms, spermicidal lubes, birth control pills, etc--protect you against STDs. Just for an important note: virgins can have STDs, too, and not even know it! I wish I was kidding!
Now, I am not picking on you by any means but you need to look at yourself. "Harmonees" is a ridiculous way to spell "hormones" and you and I both know that. You purposely typed things like "body" and "crazy" with two "y" letters because you think it's cute. That's fine. It really is. If you think that's cute then fine.
Do you think a mother would do that though?
Do you think someone who is ready to have a baby would type that way?
What about a doctor...do you think a doctor, a grown-up person, would type that way?
It's cute. Yes. It makes you look very immature though. It makes you look, quite frankly, like a child. Being cute is something a child wants. An adult wants to look mature. They want to come off as professional and educated.
Do you think you look professional and educated?
What I'm saying is this:
Adults can deal with babies. They can deal with the consequences of reproduction better. They are more equipped to handle accidents.
Children, preteens, teens, and young adults aren't. You just aren't. You don't have that life experience yet. You haven't been throw curveballs yet. Hell, you haven't even had a chance to live yet!
Nix the idea of sex.
Sex can wait.
Your hormones will calm down as you mature. You'll see.
In a year or two you won't even be the same person who wrote this question. You'll look back and be absolutely embarrassed that you wrote this here. You'll be ashamed of yourself. You'll be shocked.
You'll see.
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Put your clothes back on
Obviously you aren't as comfortable with your boyfriend as you like to think you are. When you're ready for sex, your body will not be your concern and you will feel secure in his delight of you and your body.
Me? I'm old school and think that marriage is the best place for sex, where it can be fantastic!
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