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Parent Troubles
I'm a fifteen year old girl and lately I've felt like I'm not good enough for my parents. They always concentrate on my weaknesses and not my strengths. Even the smallest things get me in trouble but when I try to talk to my parents about how I'm feeling, they shut me out. Even on good days I'll get ignored when I talk or they'll roll their eyes at me and say I'm just trying to be dramatic and get attention. When I get mad I start yelling and then I get in more trouble and my parents REALLY won't listen to me. They're hypocritical and judgmental and I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't really talk to them even though I'd love to be able to tell them how I feel and be able to talk out our problems. They just shut me out when I try to work with them so we can fix our relationships. What should I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
When I was younger I use to feel this way towards my dad, it was like NO matter what good I did, he could only focuse on the negative. Usuaully when a parent does this, its just because they aren't good with positive feedback. My father has never told me he was proud of me, and that hurt. Your parents are probably the same as my father. When they point out the bad, don't get mad. Think about it, and consider it. Try to make the negative things better so they won't have anything to complain about. Communication is a must in order to have a healthy relationship with anyone. Parents are going to be harsh on you, because they know what you are capable of. Dont take it the wrong way like I did. Take it as if its something to learn from. Parents often see what you are too blind to see, take their advice, and maybe asked them what you can do to become better at the things they are complaining about. Sometimes Teens can use a voice tone as if they are being "smart alikes", try to talk to them camly, or do what I did. Tell your parents something terrible happened to you, and you need someone to talk to, and usually they will begin to listen because NO parent would want their child in any harm. Sit them down, and tell them the only reason you said something bad happen, is so they will listen to you; express to them how you feel, but do it in a calm voice, and not a dramatic one. Than make sure you inform them that you appreciate all they do, you love them, and that you are grateful for them. Parents need to hear that just as much as girls do from the boyfriends. Try that.
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"not good enough for my parents. They always concentrate on my weaknesses and not my strengths. Even the smallest things get me in trouble but when I try to talk to my parents about how I'm feeling, they shut me out." Every teenager feels this way an personally i know where your coming from. go to your parents an ask them if you can have a heart to heart talk ask them to let you speak an tell them you want suggestions on how to change what you may be doing wrong., tell them you love them an don't ever want a bad relationship with them an apologize for the way you treat them things will open up shortly.
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Well, first you should find someone to talk to about it. Someone you trust. It could be a friend, family member, or you may want to try therapy. Then, tell your parents how you feel. Tell them you love them or that you want to spend more time together. If you don't get close with your parents, you may regret it later in life.
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To a certain extent you sound like you have typical teenage parent/teen problems. There are some other factors that may be at work here that you are not aware of that are upsetting your parents, factors that have nothing to do with you yet the fallout from them is falling all over you. It is time to take inventory of things to figure out what if anything or anyone has changed.
You say “lately” which to me means within the last week or months time. Find some place quiet and private; sit down with pen and paper and try and find just when things changed. Then try to identify what changed and who changed. Be honest here especially with yourself; did you change, did you put demands upon your parents that they would like to meet but cannot. A demand does not have to mean you said “get me this or else”. You could have simple said something to the effect; “Mom schools starting soon and I need a whole new wardrobe”. That is really not a demand per-say but it is something you may really need and something that is just not affordable right now. I use this as an example as it is somewhat reasonable as something that might have been said given as close as we are to school opening.
Once you believe you have found the when and what of the problem you have come to be experiencing you can then think about how to approach either helping with whatever is the problem that is alienating you at the moment or fixing what may be seen as a demand you made of them.
The problem you see is not always the problem that it is; you see only the result of the problem not always the cause. You have two choices when faced with a problem. You can run and hide from it or you can face the problem head on and figure out what the problem really is and how to deal with it. The second choice is the more adult choice. Even if you are wrong in your assumptions; as a parent I have to say I would be very proud of you for doing your best to try and find the real problem and then finding away to help solve the problem.
Just for the record: I am old enough to be your grandfather.
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You are right, you should be able to talk with your parents about these things. For whatever reason, they are not able to do this with you at at this time. But you still need to talk.
You need to find someone to talk to. Is there an older relative you feel comfortable with? A minister, teacher or school counselor? Many schools offer counseling for students. Look around for some people in your world who can help you.
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Hm well seems they are doing this to make you stronger. Some people yell at you and concentrate on your weaknesses so you can get stronger and more superior. I think you should leave it alone, don't get in the way so much , I think the more you try to they will shut you out more. Maybe they just want you to become independent. Don't worry , your parents love you they just don't want anything bad to happen to you , they want you to succeed. Try just making jokes or bringing back old memories , it might work you never know. Just don't try to invade them because it won't work the best. My advice to you is don't get in the way so much and just calmly walk away and they love you remeber that.
Good luck girl : )
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