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14/F 16/M boy issues...
Okay. See here's the thing. I used to be such a stubborn independ, strong willed girl. You couldn't tell me to do anything, I was crazy. But when I started dating this boy. I think I let him change me... And I think I know the night it happened. I was hanging out with him one night and we were kissing, normal stuff. But then it started getting kind of hot, like I started to press into him more (we were laying down on the couch, I was on top) then he pulled me down so he was on top and started to press into me even harder, it almost hurt. He stopped for a second because I was hesitating now. I apologized and reminded him this was the first time I've ever been this physical with a guy, cuz he was my first boyfriend. He said it's okay and kept going. He started putting his hand down my pants and I pulled it out. A few minutes later he put it down again and I pulled it out. He put it in a third time and I knew, I knew it was wrong for him to keep doing this but somehow I also thought it was okay... I can't even explain it. It's like I shut down and just let him. I let him finger me. Then he stopped and I didn't even notice it but I had started crying. I don't know why I couldn't tell him to stop... I wasn't scared I was just like lost... completely zoned out. I don't know. He didn't notice I was crying and we kept going. He then proceeded to put my hand in his pants and I pulled it away. He asked me for a handjob and I said no. He told me it was okay. The next time we hung out he pulled down his pants and put my hand... well you know where. I started giving him a hj. I don't know why I couldnt' say no!! I started to cry though and we stopped and he hugged me, I just told him I didn't want to go so fast and he said okay. Except everytime we hung out he continued to finger me. When we hit six months I knew something was wrong. It was like this kid had sucked all of my strength out of me. I wasn't myself anymore. And when he asked for a bj I said no but like usual the things he said to convice me stopped seeming ilke convincing and started making so much sense even though I knew it was wrong. He told me things like "it's been six months, I finger you and it seems like that aspect of our relationship is completely one-sided. you should be comfortable enough to do this for me." and I did it... I was shocked with myself. I couldn't believe I was fourteen and doing this. I started crying after but he held me and told me it was okay and that he loved me and I believed him. He could tell me anything and I'd believe him. I don't know how our relationship got like this. Anyway, he dumped four days later. Its been two months since the break up and I know I'm stronger now. But I'm scared to trust myself with liking a guy again. I HATED how pathetic and used my ex made me feel. I HATED being his little slave. I don't ever want that again... I don't know if I can't trust boys or if I can't trust myself... I don't know what to do. How can I get back who I was??
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You've learned from your experience, now you have to set some rules for yourself. Take a minute about situations you might find yourself in in the future, and decide now what your answer will be when that particular situation arises.
It is easier to make a decision if you've taken the time to think it out beforehand, that way you can't be caught by surprise. ... Make some rules for yourself.
I also suggest not dating anyone seriously until you feel comfortable with it. In the future always go on group dates, if there are other people around, with high standards, you won't fall into a sticky situation. Dating should be fun, not so serious until you are ready to get married.
Finally you asked the question "How can I get back who I was?": If you're a Christian, consider some things from the Bible... Do you know the story of the Prodigal Son? It is basically a story about a boy who convinced his father to give him his inheritance money and then he goes and blows it all and does some terrible things. Afterward, when he's penniless and starving to death, he remembers his father and returns to plead forgiveness and ask to be made a slave in his fathers fields. But his father sees him coming from far away off and runs to him and hugs him and makes him his son again, not a servant.
The moral of this story is, if we truly repent (completely change) God will restore us to exactly how we were before. It is a very beautiful thought isn't it?
So to answer the question "How can I get back who I was?" The answer is: firmly resolve to change, and NEVER make the same mistake again. And you will feel happy, and you will be restored to how you were (but perhaps wiser).
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Oh sweetie, my heart goes out to you because its hard to say no to someone that you really like. You are very young and these are all first's for you. While you said no and he talked you into doing things you weren't ready for. Its hard at this point to know the difference between curiosity and reality. It normal to wonder about what people do together and there is a lot of peer pressure to do more and when its coming from someone who says that they love you....it makes you doubt yourself. Don't beat yourself about what happened. See it as a learning experience and now you know what your limits are.
Trust yourself!! Trust the person that you know you are. Its easy to try and be what you think someone else wants you to be, but stay true to yourself!!
Getting back to yourself? Everything we do and see and say changes us, take what you have been thru and be the person you want to be. Trust yourself and know that you have the right to say No and you have the right to change your mind about anything.
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Dear Reader,
You are young,and you were about to experiounce sex,you need to know that YOU are in controll of your own body and if you are forced just tell him to stop!!!!,
YOU are in a state of franting,kind of a bug,it is not ok ,well how old is this guy??? if you are 14,DO NOT HAVE SEX!!!!! DO NOT LET anyone treat you like that!!!!
You are needing to trust again,and that is understandable,and so you do not have to worry,so just when you get your new boyfriend,talk to him,and do not rush in anything!!!
Gallina
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what the guy did to yuh can never be changed, but yuhr actions wil be different if another guy pressures yuh to do it. not all guys will do that to yuh, and a guy who truly cares, wil not be the one to do it. if something doesnt feel right in the beginning, then it probly isnt. the further yuh let it continue, the harder it will be to stop it. just because yuh let yuhrself do it this time, doesnt mean yuhl let yuhrself do it again.
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Ok first of all sweet heart don't let this one boy or one mistake ruin your love life forever live and learn also that strong independant girl is still inside you it was the same thing with me but it didn't get as far as that he dumped me two days later because i wasn't satisfying him enough so i am not missing him but i am having an even better young man who would never do that kinda stuff to me so like i said live and learn and i know i can't see you but i bet your a very beautiful girl inside and out so just stay strong :)
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You can trust other boys. Don't let one boy change how you feel about al boys. If you do go out with someone new then just make how you feel about doing things with him clear at first. I know it's hard to say no when things are happening, because I've been there before too. I was so afraid to disappoint and upset him that I let him do things to me I didn't want to happen. If you make how you feel about going far clear at first and they still pressure you into something you don't want to do then they aren't respecting what you want. If they break up with you because of it then you wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't respect what you want and how you feel.
For getting your old self back, it'll take a little more time. The past is the past and by feeling bad about it you're just going to make yourself feel bad. Eventually you'll become yourself again. Talk to a close friend about it and maybe that will help you feel like yourself again. You're putting yourself down, which is why you aren't as independent as you were before. Once you feel good about yourself again, the old you will come back.
Hope this helps!
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wow, That is quite a story! I dont understand why he wouldnt just listen to you. Maybe try doing something you used to do as a kid. Even if its something childish, it will make you feel happy, and maybe that will work. If that wont, I dont know what will.
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