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How do I tell my partner that I DON'T want to have sex? No desire for sex..
I was married back last June to my wonderful husband. We dated for a couple of years and everything was just like the perfect fairytales you hear about. I know fairytales aren't true though...
My problem is that I have no sexual desire or drive. I don't really care if we have sex or not. I'm fulfilled in all ways without sexual interaction. I don't "get horny" and I've never had ANY desire to even masturbate. We've had sex before but it's not pleasurable for me at all (it isn't painful or anyting either).
My husband is concerned as to why we never have sex. We've been married all of this time and we've had sex just a handful of times (maybe 4 times total). I know that he desires sex and I want him to be fulfilled but it's strange for me.
How do I tell my husband that I don't have sexual feelings? I need to explain to him that the reason I'm never turned-on is because I simply don't GET turned-on by anything at all, ever. He deserves to know why I never desire sex with him, I understand, but I don't know how to tell him this without sounding like a freak. It really isn't him at all, it's me.
We've had a few slight arguments about sex recently because of my disinterest. Since I never think of it, I cannot predict when he might be interested in it. It isn't that I'm not attracted to him either...I think he's a wonderful man inside and out. I just...don't care about sex? I don't want it, really? Should I see a doctor about this because surely it isn't normal, right? Help?
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Well if you have no desire to have sex then just tell him straight.However you should have some sort of sex drive.Try watching some movies on sex to turn yourself omypu can watch clips for free on the Internet
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I think the most important thing is to remember that there are two people in a relationship - he needs to understnad how your feeling just as much as you do him. You could have sex for his sake a bit more often, but also let him know that you don't want to do it all the time. If you haven't really talked to him about it, then you should probably expect a few arguments - to him it could be saying 'You're no good in bed' 'I'm not very attracted to you' or something else that will hurt him. Just talk to him - tell him what you feel like when your having sex, but explain that it's not him personally.
Tell him your willing to try things - you never know, you might find yourself having a really good time, whatever your doing. Just whatever you tell him, make sure you let him know that you really love him.
:) x
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True asexuality is rare. It's worth the time to go see a shrink and see if you have some issue or trauma that's interfering with your sex drive. However, if you make a sincere effort to discover a problem, and you and your shrink agree you can't find any, well, maybe you're a true asexual. If that's the case, you have two choices: 1) Get amicably divorced and make do with friends until and unless you can find another asexual to make a long-term commitment with, or 2) Ask your husband if he'll stay with you if he's allowed to get some on the side. Not telling your husband is NOT an option, and neither is telling him but insisting that he stay in a "monogamous" - i.e. in your case, sexless, marriage.
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This is somewhat abnormal. Like, chemical imbalance is the possible cause abnormal. Sex drive, even in small amounts, should always be there. If nothing else, its biological instinct for the perpetuation of the species.
See a doctor. No idea what would work in terms of specialties but your gyno and general practitioner are good places to start.
If nothing else, they have a female version of Viagra which engages the sex drive. I don't know enough about it to tell you that it would fix the problem for sure, but there's a good chance that one little pill could give you the drive you've never found before.
Set an appointment, I'd be amazed if there wasn't something that could be done about this.
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Yes, you should see a doctor. You both should see a marriage counselor and you might consider seeing a therapist on your own as well…
It might be normal for you. There might be nothing physically wrong and little a doctor can recommend to you. However, it's likely going to destroy your marriage if you don't at least attempt to address it.
Speak to your husband honestly and openly about your lack of interest in all things sexual. There is no trick to how to do this. You will have to trust your husband not to think you a freak and to listen to what you say. You do need to calmly convey this information and the sooner the better. He does deserve to know it, and the longer he goes without it, the more damage will be done and the more anger created. You need to accept he is going to be confused, hurt and angry. If this not how he envisioned marriage, it’s normal for him to get upset.
I don’t mean to blame either of you, but this is really something you should discuss before you get married. When people choose a situation with their eyes open, knowing what the other person desires and expects, they are not so hurt and disappointed when compromise is needed. You find yourself in a situation now where what you want from ‘marriage’, is very different from what your husband’s wants from ‘marriage’ in this aspect of your life. That might be very hard to reconcile.
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You could be depressed or stressed out...I'm not saying this IS the case but I'm saying it is a possibility.
However, The truth is...If you don't have sex at all and completely cut out all sexual interactions I can't promise you that it won't eventually start taking it's toll on your marriage. You could try different things, Spice it up in a way that would be more pleasurable for you and your husband. If you absolutely don't want to put in the effort to try to make things work out well then I really don't know what else to tell you other than to maybe ask yourself if you really love your husband as much as you say you do? After awhile I can only imagine it is whats going to cross his mind. Sure, Sex isn't everything but after all sex is what two people who love each other share and what brings two people together. Maybe talk to a doctor? See what he recommends. Other than that you really should sit down with your husband and give him an explanation...Everything you told us is what you he should know.
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