|
I want to break up with my boyfriend but he says he'll kill himself if I do
I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now. Everything is going OK but I'm really just not happy with him being my boyfriend. We don't have anything in common and so it makes it hard to talk to each other since there isn't anything we're really both interested in. I'd rather just be his friend, I guess, because he's a good person but just nothing that makes us really compatible.
Last night we were on the phone and I knew I had to tell him my feelings about our relationship. I told him that I had been thinking of breaking up for awhile because I think we're better suited for different people and he totally blew up. He cried at first and I tried to calm him down but then he started talking about being depressed and that he can't stand to lose me. I was freaking out because I've never dealt with this before and he has never said anything about being sad like this before to me.
We talked some more and what it came down to is him saying to me that if I leave him that he will kill himself. His dad owns a gun and he knows where it is and how to use it. Last night he said he would go get it and blow his brains out while we were on the phone talking about breaking up. It really scared me because he was sounding serious about it.
I don't want him to kill himself and I especially don't want to be blamed for his death if he does commit suicide for some reason. I can't be in this relationship and I don't know how to get out now. I told him last night that I was sorry and that we would stay together but that isn't what I want at all. I'm so afraid of saying the wrong thing now and starting up this kind of conversation with him again.
Please, help me, I'm trapped. What do I do now so that he doesn't hurt himself and so that I can move on?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
I like super's response....but also, you have to think...what worse in his eyes:
Being with you knowing you don't want to be with him (what a horrible feeling)
Or learning to be apart and experience a broken heart....but eventually finding the love of his life later on down the road?
You live....you learn.
Definitely talk to his parents. Be calm about and and simply express your concern....they might know more than you think.
]
This relationship is volatile and selfish on his part. You would be better to leave this relationship.
For him to place a burden like this on your shoulders is not love, it is only fear.
You have told him how you feel and he doesn't accept it. This is not your responsibilty.
Obviously you will have feelings for him and do not wish him any harm.
But the only harm he receives is from himself.
If he cannot learn to recognise your unhappiness in the relationship and let you go then he will never be able to deal with his own.
The best advice I can give you is to have a break from him, consult his mother/father and let them know the seriousness of your dilemma. They will supervise him and make sure he gets all the support he needs.
Tell him that you are not happy just like him.
]
If you are not happy in the relationship then you have every right to leave it. However, As for your boyfriend you need to confront a parent about it let them know what he said to you. You should not have to feel pressured into staying with someone you are not happy with yet alone "pretend" to be happy when you are unhappy. If your boyfriend loved you he would at least have the respect to let you go instead of making threats to get you stay in a relationship against your will. IF your boyfriend chooses to harm himself no it is not your fault, It will never be your fault. All you can do is let an adult know about what he is planning/doing and let them take it from there. You are not responsible for his stupidity you have a life to live. If you aren't happy you need to move on
]
He is using your good nature to manipulate you. If he kills himself it is not your fault.
We all have to deal with whatever life brings us. If his solution is suicide, then it is his decision.
He needs to grow up. Your leaving him would be the best favor you could do for him.
]
Tell his parents, or a school counselor, any adult you can trust to take it seriously, and follow up with him.
It was wrong, disgustingly wrong, for your boyfriend to bully you into staying with him, not to mention how stupid it is, as though you can threaten someone into loving you?!
If he does harm himself, it will never be your fault. Even if some people do blame you, they are idiots. It will always be his fault and his stupid, wrong decision.
So tell an adult you can trust to take it seriously, and if you want to not be in a relationship with him, get out. His actions will always be his responsibility. Tell him you don't want him to kill himself, and if you are really concerned, call his parents or the police immediately and let them know what you think he is going to do.
But you can't pretend to want to be with him when you don't. No matter how hard you try, it won�t work. Best to deal with this problem now head on, then play along and try to fake feelings that simply can't be faked.
Take care and keep yourself safe.
(Oh, and the 'trying to get him to dump you' plan... I've only seen those tricks work in the movies, and most times they even back fire there.
We can't fuck around with other people's emotions like that, and pretend we can make them feel what we want them too. Pulling that kind of selfabsorbed stunt would be exactly the kind of bullying your boyfriend has done to you, and it wont actually get him the help he needs either, it would only be a way to pretend that the problem isn't there.)
]
The only way out is to savatage the relationship so he ends up breaking up with you instead of the other way around. If it is his idea, then he has no reason to kill himself. These kinds of situations are very scary and cannot be taken lightly. Majority would say, oh he doesn't have the guts but with the right motivation anyone is capable of doing it. Continue to feel depressed, feel sad around him, find an interest that keeps your mind off things that would take too much of your time. An example would be picking up an instrument such as guitar or even bass. If you find something you need to devote significant amount of time too, he will eventually see that you are completely unhappy and you don't really have any time for him. I am in a band and it consumes majority of my time sometimes in a bad way but it is also good because it helps release any feelings you have out and be consumed in your own little world. Other things you could do is write a book, scrapbooking, sewing, charity, etc. Remember if you want out without being trapped or him hurting himself, you need to convince him that he doesn't want you or that the relationship is straying in his eyes.
]
More Questions: |