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how important is sex
I am a 32 year old divorcee with three children. For the last six months I have been dating a wonderful man he is good to me and to my children. We get along well together and enjoy each others company. The problem? I just am not sexually attracted to him. We've had sex it's not that it's bad I just don't always want to do it. He is much smaller than I am accustomed to. Should I give up all the good things about our relationsip due to my lack of physical attraction for him?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
well lets hope you dont mind some 16year old advice. lol
I used to think looks were everything, I barely cared about a guys personality, looks were the most important thing until I met a very cute guy who soon just treated me like shit. I snapped out of it and realized the inside matters more. Looks can be deceiving. So i think if you like this man and you guys have a bond wether it be more emotional than physical, then you should give him a chance, because somehow the way you see him can change, the more you like him the more attracted to him you can get. His personality will outshine his looks, making him more attractive.
I mean is it just me, or are most highly attractive men assholes and the ugly ones very nice ?
But if you know there is no way you can overcome your non physical attraction to him then tell him you just want to be friends and nothing more. Because at the end of the day that is who you are in bed with, you want to be able to look at them and get happy. you know? so good luck, i'd like to how everything goes. i hope i gave some good input. =]
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Honestly, if you're here asking this question it matters enough to you to be a deal breaker. Because I'm sure that he's probably very into the intimacy, and later on when you DO find yourself attracted to someone in ways you are not to him, you're either going to cheat or be incredibly miserable.
Putting the kids first doesn't mean getting them a new daddy who can take care of them. It means making sure you've always got the headspace to be there for them. If you get with a guy who will eventually make you miserable, you'll lose that headspace, and the kids will suffer.
Its your job to set an example for them. What kind of an example do you set in staying with a guy they will eventually figure out you aren't really passionate about? Kids are perceptive, as they get older they're going to notice things and they're going to model their own relationships on yours.
Absent an active swinger lifestyle, I doubt this is going to work for you. And I know it sucks. A sweet guy with a small dick, its quite cliche. But there's a reason the nice guy doesn't always get the girl. He's bought your affections with his own, but you cannot teach your children to enter relationships based on guilt and security.
I'm married, my wife and I have been together 5 years and are still pretty regularly all over each other. Sexual intimacy is a very big keystone to our relationship, because we're both fairly sexual people with high drives.
Most of the women I've dated have been similar, and to be honest you sound like several of them. Active desire to avoid sex, issues with his size, sex is important to you and this is bothering you alot. Its only going to get worse. What do you think is going to happen when you either a) have sex with him out of obligation when you don't want to or b) start coming up with excuses to avoid sex and avoid telling him you don't want to sleep with him?
The relationship is going to start generating a ridiculous amount of resentment on both sides, will fall apart, and you'll both be broken for a while.
You've got three kids and no time for that. Move on.
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That is really up to you.
Personally, I think it's a recipe for disaster, but then, I have my own values and expectations. Yours might be different.
No one else can make this call for you, although frankly, I think if you find yourself seriously thinking about 'not being that into him' sexually, I would suspect that you aren't all that into him other ways as well. Sexual attraction doesn't happen in a bubble, espcailly in women. It's linked to emotional attachment and intellectual attraction as well. What seems like compromising in only this one little thing (sex) might actually be a part of a larger dissatisfaction with your relationship.
Might not be too, but it’s worth some thinking. After all, it’s rarely ‘just the sex’.
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I don't think so, there are ways to improve your sex life, whether he is small or the problem is elsewhere. It is a lot more difficult to find someone who is good to you & your children, than to fix your sex problems.
Maybe you can try talking to your boyfriend, see if there are toys you could incorporate, put more time into foreplay, etc. I wouldn't mention his size, just let him know that you do not feel as satisfied but want to work on it. I would most definatly try and work on it.
Hope I Helped:)
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