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addicted to cheating?
I had crushes on boys when I was young. I found them attractive and all. I started dating my freshman year. He was my first boyfriend. I was with him for two months and then broke up with him because I found out a guy I had a crush since 8th grade was going to ask me out. He didn't. My ex bf asked me out a month after we broke up and we were together for another 2 months. Then we broke up because I didn't want to lose my virginity to him. Sophmore year I started dating a guy in Febuary that went to another school. At the same time started dating another guy who went to school with me. Didn't see any harm. Broke up with the guy at my school because of rumors and just went as far as kissing him. The other bf I lose my virginity to and not right away. I was with him on and off for 9 months. 5 or 6 months into our relationship I started seeing another guy on the side. Broke it off with the guy on the side. Stayed with the guy I lost it to. Finally broke up with that guy in September. Junior year at the end of December over winter break I dated a guy for a week and the other for 2-3 weeks at the same time. Broke up with the week one because he wasn't treating me like a gf. The other one I stayed with for the heck of it and broke up. Started dating another guy in the beginning of january and not for long at all. Broke up and didn't date until the end of May. Was with this guy for 2 months and during one of those months was with another guy. Broke up with both sooner or later. Started dating another guy in August for 9 months, didnt cheat on him until the end of our relationship. The first time was around march with a friend. The other time was in June with one of the guys I was with before. NONE of these guys know they were cheated on. Didn't date anyone from June until April so almost a year. Started dating the last guy I was with the one for 9 months. Met another guy and was in the process of breaking up with the 9 month guy bc I found out he lied and sorta cheated on me. The guy I started dating in June doesn't know any of my past history I listed. He thought because I told him I would NEVER do it. I hate cheaters! I cheated on him 3 months into our relationship, HE FOUND OUT, i have been trying to earn his trust back and so on. We have been together for almost two years. I cheated on him 3 months into our relationship, cheated on him again 10 months in (he doesnt know about). Broke up for good, dated around, tried dating the recent ex bf again and havent cheated on him for 8 months. We arent together now for other reasons. I know I am this terrible person because I can't believe I did this. At first I didn't think much of it. I'm 20 now and I don't want a life like this. I'm dissappointed with my past. I cheat, I lie, I hide things, I have stolen in my life and I don't like who I am. The last guy I was with I loved him and I did everything I could to prove to him my cheating was a mistake but it wasn't because look at my past that he doesn't know about. He doesn't know that I have stolen, he doesn't know I cheated, he doesn't know how many times Ive had sex, our relationship started on my lies and he has no idea how many times I have lied. I have lied about TERRIBLE things!!! I just don't know about MYSELF anymore! PLEASE someone help. This is the first time I've asked about this and told them almost everything!
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oh wow. well we all screw up. its not about HOW we screwed up.. but HOW we fixed it.
a guy could look at you and look at your past and think you're a horrible person.. but thats not right at all. he should be looking at the present and recognizing what you are trying to do to fix all of this.
you need to forget about EVERYTHING you just said. ok? take all of that and throw it out the door. i mean it. right now. open the damn door to outside and just take all that stuff in your head and toss it out the door. then scream out the door "I'M DONE WITH THIS" and slam the door. (as silly as this sounds... it works. i've done it and after i slam the door, i feel pretty good lol) then make a list of everything you want to change about yourself. (good things)
for example.. I will not
-cheat
-lie
-steal
etc.
then keep the list hanging somewhere where you will see it everyday. perhaps a common place. like your mirror. then each day, take 1 item on the list and think about how you're going to fix it. the key here is not to fix everything right away, because that's too much pressure. and too much pressure leads to stress. and stress leads to frustration. and who knows where it will go from there. so attack 1 thing at a day. then try your absolute hardest to fix that the entire day.
example.. day 1= no stealing.
encourage yourself to go out to a store and keep in mind not to steal. go into as many stores as you possibly can. and each time you go in/leave one, think about not stealing and becoming a better person.
then day 2, attack another small thing. after everything you've "attacked", cross it off the list. eventually... everything will be crossed off and you'll feel like a whole new person.
another thing is don't get down on yourself. you're 20. people mess up. our lives are full of our shitty pasts. the key here is, not to look back. there's that saying that says "god put eyes on the front of our heads because he didnt want us to look back, only look forward"
i wish you luck and message me if you need any more help.
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You aren’t really going to be able to forgive yourself, until you change.
You aren’t addicted to cheating. Cheating is a behavior, not an addiction. Addictions have to be cured, and behaviors have to be changed.
And changing takes time. It takes a long time to prove to yourself that you’ve changed.
The only thing you can do now is decide, firmly and totally, decide, what things you will no longer do. Maybe you need to write a list down of behavior you are now promising yourself to stop doing.
Sometimes when we fuck up, we get the idea that gives us permission to fuck up again. ‘Cause hey, what does it matter? We are already awful and wrong! Doesn’t matter if we do more wrong!
Remove that permission from yourself, and start holding yourself to higher standard right away. It will still take time to prove to yourself you’ve changed and can be better, but its either that or NOT changing. And obviously, not changing would suck.
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