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Death of a classmate and the wake.
a boy in my freshmen class took his life thursday night
since 7th grade i had known about him, and wished so badly to befriend him...over the summer transition from 8th-9th grade, me and my best friend watched videos of him and the music he made. i even liked him a little. he was just so attractive and talented and sweet.
I was in such shock friday when the teachers broke it to us. the entire day i was just shaking and i could not stop it. i just felt so cold. everything felt dreamlike and out of focus that day. im sure for a lot of other people it was the same.
i barely even knew him, but i always felt that there could have been a connection between us..we had a lot in common and we could have been really good friends, so i took his death pretty personally.
there has been SO MUCH recognition for him among my grade-on facebook, events downtown, grief meetings...i think its really great to see how much of an impact he made on people. he was such an inspiration to everyone.
just to say, i'm not really friends with most of his really close friends, including his girlfriend.
he is having an open wake tomorrow and i really wanted to go. the thing is, i wouldnt know how to act, how to dress, or how to talk to his friends/girlfriend and family.
any tips on what to do?
thank you so much.
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I'm sorry for your loss.
It's hard to deal with especially because of the way it happened. There was a girl in my neighborhood who took her own life and even though I didn't know her that well it still affected me. I'm sure everyone in your grade is affected because this is a very difficult way to lose someone...and I can't even imagine how his girlfriend is dealing with this.
You should go to the wake tomorrow to pay your respects to the family, his friends, and even the girlfriend. Just go there and introduce yourself as one of his classmates and how sorry you are for their loss. Most people wear black at a wake and just again say your sorry for their loss. Believe me when people came to my grandfather's wake I was so thankful a lot of people who weren't my friends showed up and it was nice to know they cared. I would stay for about a half an hour to an hour...bring a friend or a family member with you if you don't feel comfortable going alone. Again I'm sorry for your loss!
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If you do happen to go, the proper way to behave is very simple. When you see his family, wait to speak to them if they're talking to someone else, and when you do speak, just tell them how terribly sorry you are for their loss. There's nothing else you need to say. If they ask questions (they probably won't, but just in case) just say you didn't know him well and wish you would've gotten to know him better.
If you talk to his girlfriend, let her know that if she needs anything, you're always there for her. Death is very hard to deal with, especially when you're 14 & it's your boyfriend/girlfriend.
As for how to dress, just wear black. You don't have to dress super formal or anything, just wear some black pants & a coat or something. Nothing fancy.
And for the period of time, just stay an hour. Five minutes would seem rude. And since you don't wanna stay the full 3 hours, just stay an hour. That's pretty appropriate. While you're there just pay your respects, say you're sorry for the loss, and maybe say a prayer for him & his family.
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Death is not easy
and its especially sad when a person decides to do the transition from this life to the after life in this manner. I would without a doubt attend his wake/funeral. He has had closer with his life by have deciding this step , but what about the people who saw him grow up? Live? Smile? I do think that if this will help you let go and have closer then do attend and stay for a while 15-30 minutes will not hurt you..should your schedule permit it. But if you have not been affected by his death then id just leave it alone. if you do attend do not dress inappropriately nothing revealing cleavage, pubic area You do not want to give the wrong impression, and you do not want to show lack of respect. If you do want to leave early its best to be there early while mourners arrive and blend out or again arrive early and sit as far back as possible to avoid distracting anyone while you exit. Dress warm but in darker colors, black, greys tone, pewter or other colors that will not be bright and make you stand out, this is the moment to mourn the dead and offer support to the surving NOT the time to flash out and say "look at me".
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You should go and tell them how ur srry for their lost.If you dnt u might have sum regrets and you dont want that at all.
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