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Long distance relationship..break up?
Been in a long distance relationship for 6 months now. Lately, all we do is argue. It's always over really, really petty things, obviously because we're so frustrated with not being able to physically be with eachother, and we just miss eachother to bits.
Usually I want to fix the argument right away, but the last little argument we had, I just turned off my phone for 4 hours, and didn't talk to him. And honestly, it felt good. Of course I still worried, oh god, he's going to be so mad..but I felt worry free for a little while.
I never told him this, just said I left my phone at home on accident while I went out. But today we had another spat, and instead of solving it he just went to sleep. So, usually I text him some sweet things, apologizing for the stupidness of the argument, and say i love him.
But, this time I didn't. I don't know if it's that I'm just getting so sick of the constant arguments over literally nothing, or what. My question is, do you think its worth staying with him?
I like him a lot, and I'm supposed to be visiting him in march. But, I just feel in my gut that this isn't going how I wanted. I really DON'T want to break up with him, ONLY because he's the most sensitive person ever (his last ex, it took him about 2yrs to get over, and i'm his 1st relationship since then), and I don't want to hurt his feelings. And, if I break him with him, I KNOW i'll be so hurt/miserable too. I'll sit here feeling like a horrible person, and probably thinking of all the actual good times we had.
But, I can't help but think that the hurt of losing him may be better than dealing with these pointless arguments all the time. And if I completely cut off communication and stuff, which is easier in a long distance relationship, wouldn't it be easier to get over him?
Oh, please any advice you have would be so helpful!! Thanks!
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Such a sensitive topic. I'm 18/f/CA, I had an online relationship I just got out of last May, I was with him for 4 1/2 years. He would be 22/m/SC now. So there's quite a difference in a few different aspects. Well, I don't want to just regurgitate what everybody else just said, but I know exactly what you're saying. My ex was soo sensitive. I don't know exactly "how" long distance you guys are, but I knowww it's rough. In my case, i was broken up with. but that's only because I fought to keep us together about 6 months before he just gave up. And trust me, that's the worst feeling ever. If you are not happy, get out of it. because if you aren't happy, he's gonna sense that and eventually, he's gonna break up with you. And if he's not holding up his end in the relationship and isn't trying to make it work, then don't put up with it. you don't have to make it work on your own. You shouldn't have to. But here's the thing, I'd just keep an open relationship, don't leave him yet--have an open mind. if other opportunities come along as far as other men, keep them in mind. Go and visit your sweetie come March and see what happens. My best friend had an online boyfriend for 2 years and they met, No Spark. they broke up, needless to say. Just meet him and see what happens. DOn't pressure yourself into anything, and don't just stay with him because you feel bad. I understand completely that you love him and it's just that pent up frustration that has you guys arguing all the time. and I know that if you break up with him it's going to be upsetting, it always is. and if he's as sensitive as he says he is, then that just makes you feel worse. but Trust me, it's not worth staying with somebody you aren't happy with, you throw away social opportunities and who knows, your soul mate could be staring at you right in the eyes and you can't see him because you're 'taken' by somebody who is emotionally tormenting you and tying you down into a relationship you don't feel comfortable in. But I don't want to put words in your mouth. Just think of it this way. If you guys end up getting together and you guys still argue at those petty little things...every day... if you get married to him, are you going to be able to put up with his little insecurites and his sensitivity? all the time? Is he somebody who makes you feel supported like a man should make you feel? Does he make you smile when you think about him? You just have to weigh your options and think about the future. and If you don't think it's going to work out down the line, there is no point on "waiting it out". But if I were you, I'd go meet him in March. And after you meet him, everything is going to be amazing for a few months, it's a quick fix...but don't depend on that to fix your relationship, the luster will eventually wear off and you'll be stuck with the bare basics, his personality and his sensitivity. It's all about what's worth it to YOU in the end. The best luck to the both of you, tell me how it works out for you :)
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Long distance relationships aren't good most of the time. I've had two, and they both didn't work out, but everybody's different..
In my opinion theyre never a good idea, especially if you or your partner have trust issues.
I know you don't want to hurt him, but you need to do what makes you happy. Ya'll can still try to be friends, and if ya'll are meant to be ya'll will get back together in the future.
The small petty things your arguing about are the ones that kill your relationship, and almost everyone elses relationships. I know, I was with a guy for almost 3 years and we broke up, because of the petty things. They build up over time and you just can't take it anymore.
If you want to work it out, tell him that your sick of fighting and it needs to stop or the two of you won't last. (But tell him in a nice way.)
Just tell him how you feel, and see how things go, really take your time to think about what you want and what makes you happy, and whats in your best interest. (As much as I don't like this, it's the truth..We can't always protect everyone from getting hurt.)
Take some time, talk to him about, and see how it goes.Good luck! Let me know how it goes please =]
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Hi!
Well, I've been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for about 7months. It's hard, like... REALLY hard, but we tough it out. He goes to a different school... a boarding school, and sees other girls, has other friends. We talked about what would happen if he or I found someone else. We also talked about how we would stay in touch, and what would happen. We talk EVERY issue out, haha, it's sometimes hard to bring up a complication, but it always helps out the relationship in the long run. It's difficult to be away, but then again we've never fought before. We talk about once a week, and see each other about once a month. It's okay not to be physical, but you do need it occasionally like a quick kiss, a hug, or a light hand touch. It works well for me being apart like it is, but sometimes I am frustrated as well. It's ultimately a decision you have to make.
I think that if you feel miserable then you have the right to break up with him. You're fist priority ALWAYS is yourself. It may seem somewhat selfish, but it is important to take care of yourself, because if you don't then how can you possibly take care of others? If you can't let go of him and are suffering then you aren't only hurting yourself, but you are actually hurting him because your, well... um, not to sound mean, because I don't mean to sound this way, but leading him on. It's not fair for him or you. If you do see him and have a change in heart you can always get back together later. Who knows you may go to college together, work together, or live in the same town later on in life. If you do break up, it's not like you have to be enemies or have no contact with each other, you can simply if the option is present, revert to being friends again.
You could always use video chat on AIM, MSN, or other sites. Instant messaging is nice, but it's hard to send a kiss to your boyfriend on a screen. Here is a website I found with many ideas: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
it's number 2 on the list.
I hope I've helped you somewhat. I'm sorry I rambled on in the beginning. Good luck!
~Sky
f/14
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You should wait until you see him to decide. Until then, be careful not to use fighting words and try not to get upset with him. Talk to him about it and make sure he understands you want to make this work out. Remember, it takes two in order to be in love..
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First off, long distance relationships are definitely tough with regards to making them work. So, the fact that you guys have lasted for 6 months is actually pretty good. However whether or not a relationship works isn't necessarily determined by distance. It all depends mainly on you two.
Is it worth staying with him? That's honestly up to you. It's a decision that you truly have to make for yourself because regardless of what anyone on here may say, what it boils down to is whether or not YOU feel it's worth it to stay in the relationship.
It's nice of you to want to stay in a relationship with him because of his sensitive nature and because you don't want to hurt his feelings. HOWEVER, those aren't really good reasons to stay in a relationship. Take some time and really look at why you're in the relationship to begin with. If you ultimately find that you both are in this relationship because you sincerely care about (or even love) each other, then maybe there's something worth saving. However if you're only in it because you don't want to hurt him, that might actually end up hurting him AND you in the long run. You may end up building a relationship out of pity rather than love.
If you decide to stay in the relationship, just make sure you're doing it because you truly want it to work and you sincerely care about him. Don't do it just because you're afraid of hurting him. If you decide to break up however, sure it'll hurt. But, if done on good terms, you'll both ultimately have closure and hence have an easier time moving on. On a side note, completely cutting the communication lines and basically avoiding him might not be a good idea. I say this not only because it might not be fair to him, but because you may just end up thinking about him even more.
Hope everything works out for you! :)
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