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ex boyfriend & baby
im 16/f
hes 20/m
im 6 & 1/2 months pregnant.
(please dont start with the 'if hes such an asshole why are you having a kid with him?' or 'you brought this upon yourself'. obviously i know this)
im having my ex's baby. id really rather not have him around because hes manipulative, controlling, aggressive, & unpredictable. another reason is because hes been selling drugs lately, smoking weed all day everyday, & the people he hangs out with, i dont want my kid around them.
usually i wouldnt have a problem with smoking weed but if hes going to be handling my kid, plus with other people around it just sounds bad.
my parents & i have decided to make him fight to see the baby. based on what hes said, he thinks that hes going to have the baby half the time, so hes gonna get a house before she comes and etc... I DONT WANT THIS AT ALL. does anyone know anything that could help me have full custody over the baby, or he (if at all) has to be supervised by me when he visits her ?
he has assault & kidnapping charges, would this possibly keep him from seeing the child ?
thanks !
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honey im goin the same thing and yes his charges can stop him from seeing your baby if you want it to. its up to you if you want him to see the baby not him. take him to court and tell the judge what he does and why you feel you dint want him to see him and there you go. you will have full custody. or you can get social workers to supervise while he visits if you want. that is your baby and nobody can change that. its your decision ok honey
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If he has those charges and you take it to court i dont think he will be able to see the baby UNLESS he has a supervisor around him if not you then a social worker. there's a big change you may have most of the custody since he has those charges and if you have proof on him being abusive/drug selling um..that could help. let me know how it goes and if this helps. no child deserves to be in that situation. <3 good luck
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adding to what the other person has said.i wouldnt write his name on the birth certificate if i were you.well if its possible.then go to the court and get it sorted.talk about him handling drugs etc.and yes the charges will help you win the case.at the end of the day,hes the father of the child and he helped make it so the judge may let you have the baby on the weekdays while he gets it on the weekends.but what id advise you to do is not write his name on the baby's birth certificate
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This is the important thing you MUST understand:
He has parental rights. Until you go to the court and officially have those rights taken away, he has got them.
It doesn’t matter how awful you know he is, until you make it official and legal, he’s got those rights.
So, make it official and legal ASAP.
Don’t start denying him everything until you've got the courts to back you up on it. Some judges won’t look kindly on you and your parents if you start denying him any access at all without taking the official route. Remember these rights aren’t all about him, your child also has the right to know their father, unless there is a VERY serious reason to deny that.
Given what you've said of him here (plus the age difference!) it probably won’t be too hard to have him restricted to supervised visitation. That isn’t so much about making him fight, that's about allowing the child to know their father, without being put in a position where the father could behave in a really determental way. The more receptive you are to allowing surprised visits (on you and your parent’s terms of course!) the more favourably the court will look on you.
I know you said you understand that this was your mistake and choice, but understand this as well: It means you’ll probably never be completely free of this guy, and as horrible as he might be, you do your child a disservice to deny them all access to their dad. So bear it with nobility, and make his participation in the child’s life only as much as he is capable of handling responsibly. Don’t let hate or spite get into it. Being at least decent to the father of your child should be part of the way you express love for your child and work to make that child's life as stres-free and full as possible. If he can handle surpervised visitation without having any serious negative effect on the child, then he does deserve that and so does your baby. If he can handle the odd overnight visit as the child ages, don't resent him for it, just keep your eyes very open for things you should bring to the attention of a court, and be willing to step in if he fucks up.
Contact a family lawyer or a support network for pregnant young women. They’ll be able to advise you and your family on how to seek primary custody in the clean and official way. Get the ball rolling on it now, and you’ll be in a better place to lay down the ground rules for him when the child is born.
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