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I broke up with him.
Hi, I'm a 22 year old girl.
I just broke up with my emotionally abusive (now ex) boyfriend of about four years...over four years? Literally, about an hour ago. Right now, I'm feeling pretty free and good about it, but I know it's been an addictive relationship, and I'm worried that I'll second-guess myself and talk to him if he tries to contact me, and wind up stuck again.
I got my key back to my car and apartment, so he can't get in. I don't think he has any malicious intent...but I also don't think he believes that I'm serious about the breakup.
So...
When it sets in for both of us, I'm pretty sure we'll both be really upset, and I know I'll miss him and want him back at some point.
You guys have any suggestions to avoid that?
I appreciate any ideas you can give me. =)
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i'm currently trying to get rid of my ex mental current abusive boyfriend of eight years.please stay away from him, go out with friends if he has run them off go find them, dont go back it wont get better. make a monthly plan day to day to keep yourself occupied, go out and live have fun and find true happiness with someone who lifts you up not puts you down. go 4 it
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First, stay busy. Idle time is time to rethink and reagonize. You're making a good, thought out decision that won't mean shit to you three months from now on a cold lonely Friday, so make sure you're occupied for that Friday. New hobbies, friends, family, school, work, anything.
Second, tell everyone you know about this (if they don't already know). Community morale support helps alot.
Third, an idea that an acquaintance used in a similar situation. Genders were reversed, but otherwise the same, and he kept coming back for more. After he ended it for the last time, he wrote himself a letter and gave it to his best friend, to be handed back to him if he was ever stupid enough to get back with the girl.
Four months later, he got handed the letter when he brought her to hang out with his friends, walked, and has been better for it since. Something to consider, as few people can reason with you the way you can.
As far as the rest, cut off contact. Expect to be enticed and then expect anger. When he realizes you're gone, he's going to try to wheedle you back with promises of change, and he's going to get angry and belittle you and try to make you feel small.
Both are dangerous, especially for someone who was in a relationship like this as long as you. He'll try to use whatever's worked before against you, escalating into tantrums, threats, maybe property damage when he doesn't get what he want. Just always remind yourself that no matter what he says, you've seen who he is, the choices he makes. Thats a part of him you don't like, and is the reason you're moving on. Its not a question of "can he change", its a matter of him not wanting to.
When you're at your loneliest remind yourself that you know him, and you know its all bull shit. Then get off your ass and do something to occupy yourself.
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Good for you to do this. What you can do is Try to keep busy. Find things to do, that way you won't have an excuse to stop and think about him. Hang out with your friends and go out, meet new people. If he comes back in your head, just try to think more about the negative things he has done to you, the pain he has caused you. This is really hard, but i do it all the time. Put away all the gifts and things that remind you of him...if you like you can also get rid of them. Date alot, because out there, there will be someone that is way better than him....You probably won't be able to avoid feeling really upset, missing him, or wanting him back, but these few things can help put it down a little bit. I hope this helped, and good luck :)
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It is good that you got out of the relationship if it isn't healthy. What should you do? REPORT HIM, CALL THE COPS. If you don't say anything you are only telling him it's okay and you only put more woman at risk.
1, The first thing you need to realize is that you come first, This about you and your safety. This is NOT about him. You need to stay away from him. Don't buy into his guilt story when he says he is sorry, He loves you and all that other crap.
2, People who abuse their spouse are NOT in love, The more you feed into it the more he is going to know that he can get away with it. Love is NOT when you hurt your partner, Call them names, Make them fear for their safety.
3, You need to stay away from him, Cut contact, Stop calling, Cut complete contact. Now only will this help you too move on but he will eventually see that you are serious. Do NOT go back to him
4, Sometimes it helps to think of all the bad things that were done too you, How he made you feel, Things he has said you too, How he acted, and use that too move forward. If this guy has hit you, called you names, threatened you or even made you fear for your safety than this guy is no good for nothing but too sit in a jail cell where he belongs.
You are better than this, You do not deserve someone who is a worthless piece of crap. Sorry for my language but it really angers me too see guys treat woman so badly. You need to stand your ground, Don't give into him. You have a life to live and you are young. Occupy yourself with things you love to do, Spend time with friends and family and if it helps seek some therapy. Do NOT let him back into your apartment and if he continues to show up that is when you call the police and get a restraining order against him. You are too good to be abuse by a worthless man who doesn't respect your feelings.
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hello
you have to try hard to find anything else in your life that you like to do to spend time in it & try to make all your day busy maybe its too hard to do this in your 1st days but it will be better for you
maybe he is a nice man but not matching with you,
& you will find someone else that appreciate you & make you happy in your life as you make the perfect thing with this one
good luck :)
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I think it is like any other addiction. You know it isn't good for you, but you are afraid you will still want it. And just like any other addiction that isn't good for you, the way to quit is to focus on why it (he) isn't good for you. Cigarettes cause cancer; heroin ruins your life; an abusive boyfriend (emotionally or otherwise) does not allow you to grow as a human being and come into your own as a person.
We only have one chance at this wonderful thing called "life." Focus on the fact that he is harmful to you. His whole ego is built on the fact that he cuts you down. You do NOT deserve that. You have to cut the chains now and get out.
Good luck.
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if you really want to avoid that you need to keep yourself busy all the time.Go somewhere with friends but avoid talking about it, if you really want to forget and that's what you both decided then try changing your number to avoid thinking he may call at some point.And have fun take your mind off of all the emotional damage
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