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How should I deal with this?
Ok, here's the problem. A really good friend of mine, Nick, has been in a bad relationship for a while. It is clearly causing him pain and frustration. Friday night, we were watching a movie and eventually started making-out. It lasted about 2 hours. I don't know what to do about it. Should I talk to him? We said it wouldn't be awkward, but I do kind of like him. I'm very confused. What should I do?
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Well.... I am not saying he doesn't like you but.... just because he made out with you doesn't mean he actually likes you. The reason I say this is because I have been in bad relationships and the worst they are, the more I look for ... escapegoats. Other people to innocently flirt with... and I develop crushes on them. But not so much because I really like them (they always go away when i;m single again) but because I am having problems with my actual boyfriend. And I have made out with 2 of my little escapegoats.
Again, i'm not trying to say you are his escapegoat but i'm just saying the making out alone thing is not enough to determine whether or not he actually likes you that way...
But should you talk to him? Definitely. Especially if it lasted 2 hours O_O Wow... longest make out without any sex ever :-p
Anyways.... if I were you I would talk to him and, telling him anything, see how he feels. If he says something like "i'm sorry, that was a mistake, i like my girlfriend and i only see you as a friend, i was just in a bad place" well.... then I would advice you to keep a distance until you get over him. If you keep being his close friend he may make out with you again and you may get confused that he actually has feelings for you (unless of course, you jsut want to make out and don't mind if he's taken and not into you). Otherwise, if he reveals he actually likes you and has for a long time (if he doesn't say he has for a long time, you should ask him when he started liking you that way) but he doesn't want to hurt his girlfriend.... then you should tell him that you like him too but you don't want to be 'the other woman' and you don't want what happened to happen again while he has a girlfriend. If he asks you if you would be in a relationship with him tell him you would like to be but you want to make sure he's not just using you or confused about his feelings so after he ends his relationship with his current girlfriend, you want to wait some time until he gets past the rebound stage and if he still feels the same way then you definitely want to be his girlfriend.
And yes, the rebound stage applies not only to the person who got dumped but to the person who did the breaking up with as well.
I broke up with boyfriends and jumped into relationships with my scapegoats too soon and it only led to an awkward break up. You don't want that. You want to make sure he actually likes you because he likes you, not because he's lonely or misses his girlfriend or wants affection or wants someone who wants him... but because he wants to be with you.
Best of wishes,
~<~@
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clearly this dude has some emotional drama going on that he needs to deal with! Which is why I want to say this loud and clear
DON'T GET INVOLVED... yet.
Being the other girl can be hurtfull and shamefull. Also he can toy with your emotions. If you do like him, which you made clear then tell him.
Say you had a great time friday night, and that he is welcome to come over anytime again, once he is single. Don't be the girl everyone hates. Make your side clear that your not his little rebound girl. That you like him and he can't just get involved with you every now and then no strings attached.
Stick up for yourself and once he is single he is yours.
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Yes, you should talk to him. You can't just hook up with somebody (especially a close friend) and NOT expect something to change.
I would just sit down with him and talk about it. Start off by explaining how you can see that his current relationship isn't working out. Tell him it's clearly taking a toll on him. Sometimes, it takes another person's insight in order for us to see that things aren't working out, no matter how badly we want them to.
Then I would bring up the whole making out randomly for 2 hours deal. Don't spring it on him, just tell him that you kind of do have feelings for him and you want to know what's up.
Good luck!
-Laura (17-f)
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sometimes frieds make the best couples... but his other relationship should end before you guys do that again... ask him where you stand
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You should definitely talk to him. First thing you need to find out is this...Is his relationship as bad as he told you, or was he feeding you a "feel sorry for me" bunch of BS just to get you to make out with him.
Your confusion is understandable. Friend or not, do not make out with a guy if he is already in a relationship, good or bad. You may think he would never do something like that to you...you would be wrong.
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