2 weeks ago my fiance and I of nearly 2 years broke up, she said I had become like a brother to her, but we were going to try to work it out. We were already dealing with a lot of stressful family situations as it was. Things were going as well as they could be, until her cousin called her, and said that my parents and I said that she left for a bunch of reasons, none of which were actually mentioned. She got mad at me, because obviously she believes her cousin. We got in an argument, and she said she never wanted to see me again. The next night she called, and we talked about things. After that stuff was ok, until she talked to her cousin again. Then she decided there was no chance for us to get back together. She tried to call later that night, but i had fallen asleep for a couple hours, i didn't want to call her back, and wake her dad up, because he drinks a lot, and I didn't want to start trouble. She got worried that I did something to myself, and had a friend drive by, which I was already up(this was 3 in the morning), and she saw me through the window, now she thinks I'm lying about that. Then someone told her I was going to hurt myself, so she'd come to see me, but I never said it. Now she's deleted all history of me from her life it seems, right down to deleting me from her myspace, and all the pics of us. I really think this is the girl I was meant to be with. Is there any hope of me getting my soulmate back, or did her cousin win? And what exactly might be going through her head?
Additional info, added Saturday August 15 2009, 1:34 am: - Everyone I know agrees on pretty much two things, this girl and I are perfect together, and her cousin likes to start stuff.
- My ex is pretty moody at times, and pretty much whoever says something first is the one telling the truth. She's stubborn, and pretty pessimistic.
- We were having a couple minor problems anyways, that we were working on.
- Before we broke up, she told me that she couldn't picture herself with anyone but me.
- Her dad keeps telling her that I'm a loser with no future, and I just want to control her.
- She said that I was the best she could ever ask for, and then said we'll both find the one for each of us.
- Also, she continued to wear her engagement ring, even after the first time she said she never wanted to talk to me again.
- We still held hands, cuddled, and even kissed after the breakup for a couple days.
- I think there could be something connecting the "brother" reasoning, and the stress thing. And she had told me before we got together, she thought I was the world's greatest big brother.
You're her fiance; She should trust you, not her cousin. That's like the foundation of what a relationship is built on--trust. She deleted all you from all of that because she's hurt and just wants to forget about you for the moment. How long ago did the last incident happen? Maybe she just needs some time. Wait a day or two and see if she cools off.
There's still hope. Girls usually believe their friends, and especially relatives, over the person they're with at the time. They should get the other person's side of the story, but they never do that for some stupid reason. I swear I'll never understand that. Anyway, have you tried talking to her cousin? Do that. Ask her what her problem is and set the story straight. If she's mad at you for any reason and that's why she's doing this, apologize. Tell her how much you care about your girlfriend and how much you miss her. Maybe she'll back off and talk to her for you.
If that idea doesn't work and you know for a fact your girlfriend won't believe you, just apologize to her for everything. Write her a really long letter and leave it by her house with a gift or something.
Unusual answered Saturday August 15 2009, 11:11 am: First confront her cousin and find out what in the world is wrong with her! Her dads a drunk right?, what would he know. She obviously has feelings for you but with the stress of things and all the rumores going around shes not thinking straight. If shes seemed to delete you from her life then give her some space and let her miss you. Find a way to talk to her and remind her you were engaged and how happy you both were together. It sounds like she doesnt trust you. Good luck I hope this all works out. [ Unusual's advice column | Ask Unusual A Question ]
sia answered Saturday August 15 2009, 7:56 am: you are such a sweet guy!im realllly sorry that her cousins are being such jerks!
Ok here it goes..if you love her then you will fight for her, you wont let her go until you know she doesnt want to be with you for sure until you know that shes making the decision nor her family. its always harder when the family bad mouths you to her about you. take her out to a romantic dinner at your house make it really romantic be different maybe put a blanket out on the floor with some wine next to the fire with some candles, tell her that your here tell her that shes the girl for you and the only one you want to spend the rest of your life with. look her striahg in the eyes and tell her that you werent lying and never will lie to her because you want this more than anything and your here to right for her to stay. tell her youll only leave when you know she doesnt want you from the bottom of her heart. tell her that you just want it to be you and her no one else right now to give you two a chance to find out what you truly want..if that works then i say hang out with the cousins and try get them to be friends with you try get them to know that your not an ass and you love your fiance very much once you get them on your side then things will be better.
Be romantic k..fight for her its what you both deserve..its something id want someone to do for me
good luck [ sia's advice column | Ask sia A Question ]
BahaiMa22 answered Saturday August 15 2009, 2:13 am: Oh wow..I am sorry to hear all this
Communication is the key in all relationships and for her to not talk to her own fiance and take her cousins word over yours therefore says she has trust issues with you. You stated she continued to wear her ring after she said she never wanted to see you again, Could be that she is confused about how she feels but is also taking her father and cousins word into concideration. The fact that she has cut all memories of you out of her life is a big flag it tells me that she is trying to get over you by having no reminder therefore she erases everything that gets in the way of that. You also said that she said you were the best she could ever ask for, How long ago was it that she said this? was it recently?..There is a test, If you can live with your fiance/boyfriend or girlfriend for more than 6 months than you know you passed for being married. You two are engaged, For this to be happening now is a big problem you need to talk to her. I understand you both are stress and going through family problems but the fact is life IS stress there will always be problems and that is why you two are supposed to support each other communicate and help each other overcome these obsicales in life. There is a chance you could get her back, You could try to talk to her. The "brother" figure could be coming from the cousin and the father, The truth is if people talk so much shit about someone eventually they start guessing and thinking about it and overtime it becomes a stressful situation and you two didn't talk about it therefore she is becoming distant with you. If you two talk it out, she needs to toss the cousin cause she certainly isn't helping anything..Also, Remember family is family you can't erase them out of her life but you can tell her that she should be communicating with you if there is a problem not her cousin this is between you and her.
You mentioned "- Her dad keeps telling her that I'm a loser with no future, and I just want to control her."
Depending on how long her father has been saying this too her overtime it will start to be embedded in her head that her father might be right, You two are engaged first of all her father really has no right to disrespect your relationship in that way the least he could do is try and be happy for the two of you. On the other hand if it is true that you are trying to control her than yes, you would be in the wrong. The fact is once you marry your other half you marry the whole family, you become family. [ BahaiMa22's advice column | Ask BahaiMa22 A Question ]
Trauma answered Saturday August 15 2009, 1:27 am: This is a tough situation. Even if you two get back together, chances are there will still be some trust issues, & trust is a really important part of a relationship. Do you really want to go through this every time her cousin says something & she believes it? Also, if she sees you more like a brother, chances are she'll never be fully comfortable in the relationship. I'm not trying to be mean, this is just what I've seen before. If you really feel like you can work things out, then go for it, but I've felt like I've found "the one" so many times, & every time I end up finding someone better. I'm sorry I couldn't help more, good luck. [ Trauma's advice column | Ask Trauma A Question ]
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