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SEX...im scared and hesitant to have sex with my husband
ok well this is embarassing and actually bothering me for a very long time....to start with i am a 27 year old female, before i got married i was a virgin...and guess what...i got married in august of 08...and still am a virgin! well as much as it sounds crazy and funny...this is driving my husband and my relationship downfall...i am basically scared to have sex...we have attempted several times...but everytime the poor man tries to put it in...i back off thinking its going to hurt...its been eight months now...and my husband's just a very understanding patient man...or else i feel if it were anyone else he would have cheated on his wife by now...my mom, my sister my close friends that i have shared it with...all have yelled at me about it...i am starting to hate the fact that i cant get this fear out of me...i mean come on i thought sex was suppose to be fun...and i also know it keeps a married relationship good...but thats missing in my married life..and i have to do something about it...please help!
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I'm sure you probably have more than enough advice on this already, but I just wanted to throw some more in. First off, not trying to be rude to anyone, but I noticed some of the other advice givers before me saying not to make him stop if you don't feel comfortable & things like that. In my opinion, that is completely wrong. If you ever start feeling uncomfortable or too scared, you have every right in the world to say stop, & it doesn't make you any less of a good person. You have a right not to have to go through something like that if you're not comfortable.
Losing your virginity can be a scary thing, but it's not as bad as it may seem. Just make sure you're 100% ready to do it. Use lots of lube, & lots of foreplay. Then, have him start putting it in SLOWLY. I can't stress that enough. Maybe try having him just put the head in first, & not moving it in further for a few minutes while you adjust to it, then putting it in further.
And please remember that if you do not feel comfortable, don't be afraid to say something. Don't think that you owe it to him not to say anything, because you deserve to be comfortable in that kind of situation.
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You need to steel yourself.
Sex is one of the most amazing aspects to being human. It can be one of the most fun and at the same time one of the most fulfilling parts of your relationship.
Its probably going to hurt the first time. Its bearable, sweetheart. Your mother got past it, your grandmother got past it, your great grandmother got past it. Every single female ancestor you have managed to get past it without it being a big deal.
Its really not. Take things slow, have some lube if you need it to help out, and resolve yourself to not getting out of bed until it happens.
Remember, you aren't dealing with a two minute window here. I'm sure you try, get afraid, and stop for the day.
If you have to stop for a minute, stop. Let him hold you, let yourself calm down, and try again. Try to get a little further each time before you stop if you have to. Take deep, calming breaths and move slowly.
Theres nothing wrong with being a virgin. You're just learning some things later than others do.
Once you get past it, you might start to worry about performance. Don't. Just talk to your husband about sex, talk about what you like and don't like, and ask the same about him. Be open about it, and talk to him about whats going on in your head. As understanding as he is, if you gave him more information he might well be able to help more.
If nothing else, talking about it more will hopefully increase your comfort with him and sex.
And honestly, its not an end of the world pain. Losing your virginity is nothing to childbirth, and childbirth is another hurdle your female ancestors managed to deal with (more than once in some cases)
Take your time, but don't let chickening out stop you from trying again a few minutes later. I'm sure he's going a bit nuts himself, so he's probably got plenty of horniness to burn through with failed attempts.
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Hi :]
I agree with all my fellow advicenators.. It will hurt.. The first couple of times, it might not feel the best... but practice makes perfect, hence, with time it feels better. Behind this fear.. something must be triggering it.. I would recommend looking back at life to see what might be causing this fear. has anyone ever tried to do something sexual without your consent when you were younger? If and when you do find this hidden trigger, perhaps get a good listener and talk to them... psychologist or counselor can help too.. Something must be causing this fear though, with every fear there is a reason! Now, think about this too... Is there any foreplay involved when you guys try to initiate sex? That's one way to relax.. foreplay is a MUST if he wants BOTH of you guys to be relaxed and to enjoy... So if you guys aren't incorporating it in, try and see what happens.. That's the most advice I can give.. foreplay (as much time as possible) and look back to see what may be triggering this fear of sex. Good luck hun, and no worries, its common among us females :]
-Uniq
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I'm going to tell you straight up that it's going to hurt. There probably isn't anyway to avoid it. The best I can say for you is to just relax when you guys go to have sex. If you tense up & get scared, it's going to hurt a lot more.
Relax a little, and maybe it could hurt less. I don't think you're a bad person or anything for being scared. It's normal when coming to have sex for the first time. :)
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Don't worry... being afriad of sex is normal. especially the first time. the first time it might be pain ful especially if you hymen hasent broken yet. The hymen is a thin membrane not inside the vag but part of the external genitalia. However, the condition of the hymen after puberty is not a reliable indicator that sexy time has been had. Hymens can be ripped from athletics, masturbation, and even tampon use. It is possible for woman to be born without a Hymen. it is best to see a doctor. your doctor will tell you if you have a hymen, if it's torn, or if its 'popped' this information with be very helpfull.
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You can ask any person there first time is scary. it doesnt matter who they are. maybe the first few times might hurt. other then that its amazing. When you want to stop dont say anything let him at least get it in. deep breathes. watch porn before get turned on or something.
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