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He thinks I'm cheating
My boyfrend thnks I'm cheating on him.
I'm not! I shall say I'm attractive and a lot of guys like me, but i only have eyes for him. I'm also friends with mostly guys and I told him that when we first started talking and he semed to understand...
but I've told him everything imaginable how I felt and how I wasn't lying. I've even asked him if he's the on cheating and he says he's not. Today, he told me he's going to find out that I am some kind of way and I said I did not care because I'm not cheating.
& I always let him go through my phone & I go through his.
soooo... Wat can I do to prove to him I'm not? I'm sick of him saying it!
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He wants reassurance. Its his insecurity.
I'm going to go off the assumption that you do care for this guy alot and want to work it out.
First thing is understanding, so we'll get back to insecurity.
Guys evaluate women. Its a fact of our mental processes, we relate relative merits of you to everyone else. In this case, your boyfriend has evaluated you as some level of "out of his league"
Because of this, he is paranoid about losing you, or about you finding another guy, and it makes him tense around you. The going through phones thing is actually good, its a mutually acceptable measure for reassurance, and the fact that you're both alright with it means that you both have an intrinsic desire to be trustable.
Thats great. He sounds like a keeper, you just need to work on his insecurity.
So with understanding comes patience. When you see him being paranoid, realize that its not because he thinks you would do something to him, its because he's so unsure of himself that he's not sure he will bring out the desire to be faithful in you.
A few things you can do.
- When he gets jealous, respond with gentle affection. A kiss on the cheek, a light rub, something purely sweet. Most guys jealousy stems from the physical, the worry you will stray sexually or want to. Remind him that sex isn't the only reason you're with him by being loving when he feels jealous.
- Encourage him to talk about how he feels without judgement. Tell him that you don't want to fight about it, and you don't want to upset either of you, but its important to you to understand how he feels and why he feels that way.
- Verbally reinforce that you choose him. I started doing this a while back, and it pays off. Tell him that you aren't with him because you just don't happen to find anyone more attractive than he is at the momtent. You're with him because you like him, his quirks and personality, and that you _choose_ to be with him.
Above all, try and be transparent. Tell him about your friends, get him used to and comfy with the guys you're around. Restrain the flirty side I have no doubt that you have a bit when you can, and talk to him about what he's comfy with and what you're comfy with.
One of the most common occurrences of tension is when a girlfriend is more friendly with a guyfriend than her boyfriend is comfy with. Ask him what makes him uncomfortable in that area, and tell him whats going on in your head in regards to the guys.
Also, if you're friends with a guy and wouldn't date him, don't be shy about sharing why with your boyfriend.
It makes him feel like he's important, because he knows things about your friends that your friends don't know about him. It makes him feel trusted and it gives him logical reasons why he's better than they are, thus they haven't got a shot in hell of beating him out with you.
Hopefully you won't have to make reasons up, but if they're convincing the effect is the same.
Example. My girlfriend and I are good friends with this guy. He definitely wishes he were dating her instead of me, but he is a great guy and tries to hide it as much as he possibly can.
I know she'd never stray, I trust her implicitly, but she felt the need to point out that because of a certain physical state he is completely unattractive to her. Permanently friend zoned.
It makes what little jealousy I might have disappear.
In addition to trying to show him that you're trustworthy, try to talk to him about his jealousy and accommodate him where you can. Try to be patient and remember that is his insecurity and worries that he's not enough to keep you that are bringing this out in him, not anything about you.
He's got to learn what its like to trust someone. Give him someone to trust and lovingly but firmly reinforce the message.
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Unless your boyfriend is crazy, he has to have a reason as to why he believes you could have cheated on him. An attractive girl with mostly guy friends is a warning sign right off the bat and although he shouldn't be making assumptions when he has no reason not to trust you, he's only human. So my advice to you is to ask him what exactly you do that bothers him and how you can fix the situation. If he doesn't cooperate or things don't change, you did your part and it's up to you how much longer you want to handle the accusations.
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I just responded to him. Look you guys sound like your a good couple. Don't listen to those other advice givers. I relationship is NOT based on just trust. It's based on many other things like communicated, affection. So your relationship is not over just yet. Even though I told him that I do understand why he reacted the way he did. Guys always assume the worst. But you shouldn't have a guy texting you calling you babe. You shouldn't have a guy wanting you to call him at a certain time. Trust is something you guys are going to HAVE to work on to make it as a couple though. Your just going to have to keep telling him and soon enough he will believe you.
Good Luck!
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You & your boyfriend do not have a relationship.
The foundation of a relationship is trust, and neither of you have it. If he trusted you, he wouldn't go through your phone or even ask to. If you trusted him, you wouldn't go through his phone or ask to.
Break up with each other. There is nothing to prove. There's no trust, so there's no relationship. That's it.
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Well for one it sounds like you dont trust each other at all if he thinks your cheating and your not and if you go through each others phones all the time you really dont trust each other and its not a healthy relationship. And honestly if he really thought that you were cheating he wouldnt be with you. Guys say those type of things so you will tell them "oh no your the only one for me" and all of that stuff. So next time he asks be like well if you dont believe e then thats your fault but im really not and just drop it at that. Hope i helped and good luck!! =]
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Stop trying to prove it to him. Tell him to shove it.
It's attention-seeking and needy behaviour that you don't need to tolerate. If he has a specific concern like "I think you are cheating when you spend all night over at that guy's house." THEN you could have a conversation with him where there were some boundaries discussed and maybe some ways to address his concerns... but if all he has to offer is "I think you are cheating and I’m gonna prove it!" then there is nothing you can do to address that but say "Nope. You are wrong."
And you should only have to say "No. You are wrong." so many times.
The next time he accuses you of cheating this is the correct response:
“I am NOT cheating. If you seriously believe that I am cheating on you, you need to dump me right now!”
Do not defend your choices or your friends, just stick to the message: If he really, totally believes you have cheated on him, then he needs to break it off with you, because he doesn’t deserve to be with a cheater, and you don’t deserve to be falsely accused.
I know how scary that sounds, but if things have been going on like this for a while it’s the only option you have left. If he is only accusing you of cheating because he loves the drama of it and truly wants to be with you, he will back off from his accusations when you put you make it clear that he either needs to stop that behaviour or end the relationship. If he GEUNINELY believes you are cheating on him, then there is enough trust for you two to be together anyways. If he truly thinks you are cheating, he’s not sane enough to be with you.
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