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Am I wrong?
i am a 20 year old female. I broke up with my ex after us being together for 4 years. it was a very emotional abuseive relationship. a week after he and i finally officaly broke up i went to meet a guy i had met on the internet he was honest with me about wanting sex..im not into that epecially so soon but after two days we did. it has been a week he hardly talks to me doesnt have interest in me or what i do and openly admits to not careing about me "cuz we hardly know eachother" am i rushing this and is this guy just using me..im so confused on what to do.. so was i wrong to meet this guy and wrong to jeprodize my morals for him??
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
He's using you. He sweet talked you, admitted he wanted sex, & then he got it & now he could care less about you. It doesn't exactly sound like he cares too much for you. He knew you were vulnerable & on the rebound & would give him what he wanted if he could make you feel like he cared.
So yes, you were wrong. I understand your situation, but next time, you should be a little smarter. Don't take that personally, I'm just saying that next time you should give yourself a little more time before you jump into anything.
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Were you expecting a relationship?
I mean, it sounds like you met up with a guy for what was mutually agreed to be sex, and then automatically became attached.
You did make a mistake, not because of your morals but because you don't understand what sex is or should be to _you_.
It doesn't sound like he intended to use you, it sounds like he was clear about the fact that he wanted to sleep with you, and now that its done he's honest about the fact that he's not interested in you without that.
You've just discovered the sad fact that men really don't have many standards in regards to sex. If its on the table and they want you, most of the time they will say yes.
But wanting sex doesn't (for guys) extend to wanting an emotional and intimate relationship. He's not trying to "use you" and you should walk away from him and just tell him "you're right, we don't know each other, and you aren't what I need right now. It was fun, have a nice life" and move on.
Be single for a while, you need to recover, a 4 year relationship takes a while to get over, even if you're the one who was ready for it to end.
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I almost didn't answer your question because the first two responses were so good...but I do want to add something.
Congratulations for breaking out of a bad 4 year relationship. I had the same experience at your same age and I know how hard it is. I dated someone from age 15 to 20 ... I loved this guy, but is was a very emotional abusive relationship and needed to end.
Then I started looking for love again ... I jumped on 'opportunities' too soon. And I made the same mistake you did. I tried to take someone that wanted casual sex and idealize him into boyfriend material. I was depressed and needy - so I grabbed onto what could be found quickly ... I just accepted the low level of caring they were willing to give, so what I got was less than I deserved.
So what would I do if I had a chance to do it over?
First - look at why you allowed yourself to be in such a bad relationship for so long. What fears kept you locked in the relationship? Fear of being unloved, alone, single ... work on letting those fears go. Don't let them control you any more.
Second - start working on yourself, especially your self esteem. Even through you don't want to admit it, being in that kind of relationship for so long, chips away at you. It may take some level of counseling. Do the work now for a happier life later.
Also, when you have been in such a long relationship, chances are you have let other friendships go. Reconnect with old girlfriends, and/or make new friendships. Be picky about the type of people you let in your life.
Keep yourself busy. Work, take a second job, take a community education class in something you are interested in .. Volunteer, enroll part-time in college, accept invitations from friends to go out ... surround yourself with people that love you and support you. Treat yourself like your own best friend.
Change: Change your hair, your clothes, where you live, where you hang out...maybe not EVERYTHING all at once, but BE different. If you start acting and living like the person you want to be, you will find yourself making better decisions.
Accept that you need a break. Don't look for love, lust, sex, etc. so quickly. You have some healing, growing and changing to do.
And don't look at your latest mistake as a lack of morals on your part or wrong! All your experiences make you who you are. Just learn from them.
Look at this as: "Wow, what was I THINKING?" and move on. Now that you know how this type of person and situation makes you feel about yourself later, don't go there again.
Use it as a learning experience to make yourself a BETTER person, not as a stick to drag you down and beat yourself up for.
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Not necessarily wrong to meet him. Jumping right into sex with someone you don't know isn't such a great idea.
What you need to do now is have enough respect for yourself to not continue the relationship if he can't wait until you both know each other better. You can't undo what you have already done, but you don't have to keep it up either.
Find a guy who loves and respects you. Don't jump into sex until you have those 2 things. Don't go from one abusive relationship into another. You have to break that habit right now.
If a guy doesn't have respect enough for you to wait until you are ready, if he doesn't love you,
then move on. It takes time to develop those feelings, of course, but if he can't wait and just wants sex, move on.
Just because a guy is honest about what he wants doesn't make him a great partner. What do YOU want?. Stick by your own morals and put your feelings first. Find a guy who respects your feelings and isn't using you for sex.
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Yes you were wrong to meet him. There are so many reasons why you should not meet someone on the internet. It is so dangerous. You don't know what he has, who he truely was, if he is dangerous and the list may go on. You said that he was honest with you about wanting sex so yes he used you and I would just let go of him and not go back and learn from it. I am glad to hear that you got out of the 4yr relationship! Be patient and try not to rush anything. The right man will come along and try to avoid internet men!!! Good Luck! Hope this helps!
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