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break up
so last night my bf for over 2 and a half years dumped me because he says he doesnt know what he wants and that hes not happy. and that he wants his old life back before he met me. He also told me him and his ex are good friends now and that he was hiding it from me. I've been crying ever since and have this feeling in my stomach that wont go away. I guess its what a broken heart feels like. He broke up with me on the phone but told me he wanted to wait until this weekend but i told him no. I really need some advice and help to how i can get over him faster and be happy again. Oh and if this feeling is a broken heart.
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That's a really long time to date a guy. Honestly you are way better off without him. This guy sounds like a total wuss. He couldn't even tell you all this in person. Plus he's a liar. If my boyfriend didn't tell me he was hanging out with his ex I would dump him right off. I know it hurts right now but soon you will realize how much better you are without him. Just hang out with your friends more often and maybe get a new hobby. Anything to get your mind off this jack-off.
xoxo,
dottie4
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hey~
first off, im really sorry but i from what i can tell you're a sweet person. its normal for you to have a broken heart, after all you were together for 2 years..that s alot. im not gonna tell you to go out and hook up with other guys but you should get your friends to go with you to different places where you can meet other people.going out will do you good.
if it makes you feel better i dont even think he's a real "man". i tell you this because no real guy breaks up with you over the phone, second he cant rub in your face he's good with his ex..thats just jerkyy, and third if he's saying he's not happy and want his old life back, it just means he's not worth the pain you're going through...
so please dont beat yourself up for this guy because i bet youre an amazing person that could get a guy that's worth it..good luck, you can do it
boyycrazy :]
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Ok... the feeling you get is a broken heart no doubt. It sucks. There is a hole and an emptiness and there is nothing you can do about it.
The good news is, it goes away, and unless you have felt it before, it is hard to let people know the physical and emotional stress it puts on you can do.
My advice? Make a list. Every bad thing that ever pissed you off and every quirk. Pull it out whenever you start missing him and just wish you could have him back. You were with him for 2 and a half years, surely there were some things that made you mad. Think about that one fight where he said something awful, and if you cant think of anything bad... think of this:
He was talking with his ex and couldnt tell you about it. THAT IS A FORM OF CHEATING. It is definitely a breech of trust, and honestly if he cant be trustworthy to you, that relationship is never going to work.
You need to think of it as less of a breakup and more like a cancer. Cancer can live with you, grow with you but in the end, it can kill you. So can an unhappy relationship. (Which is what it would be if he came back anyway) As much as it sucks, pick up, move on.
Make another list. Do something you always wanted to do, take a class, roadtrip, make new friends. Chances are doing the new things will let you meet more people and who knows? Maybe someone new. I know you are not thinking about it now, but you got him, you can get another one... and remember... never let them see you sweat. Living well is the best thing you can do, not to make anyone jealous but for yourself...
It'll be rough, but in 6 months, send his ass a thank you card for giving you a fun independent life.
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you can go out with frend get out do somthing meet othr people dont be in the house that just make it even worse if you think about it
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Everyone has given you great advice. I am sorry you have to go through this pain.
Two and a half years! Just getting past the habit of having him around will feel odd!
So - let's look at the opportunity in this. This is your time to grow and just be yourself, or at least find out who 'you' are when it is just 'you'. There are probably parts of your life you have molded and compromised to fit into a relationship.
Now is YOUR time to focus on yourself. Have you been wanting to change your hair color? Go short, curly, straight?
Can you do something different with your make-up, clothes, routine?
Have you wanted to join a gym, try yoga, karate, horseback riding, backpacking or skydiving?
Take a road trip, try something new, eat something different ... CHANGE.
Now is your chance to do these things without anyone telling you you shouldn't or can't. You don't have to filter your thoughts or actions in consideration for someone else. Let yourself be the tiniest bit selfish and nurturing towards your own wants.
You will still need to go through the pain ... that is just part of the grieving and letting go. But at least you will feel like you have SOME control over your life while you do it.
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I've been there, I had a boyfriend of five years and it wasn't easy when it was over.
You need to realize you are much better off without him, Think of all the mean things he's ever done to you, said to you, did behind your back and realize that you didn't need it. Even if you have to use the fact that him and his ex have been good friends without you knowing it. Think of all the good things you have to come, Focus on your life and what you need to do to get things done and succeed. Spend time with your friends and family as they are the ones you will need most and they are always there for you to lean on when you need it. They hurt you are feeling now in your stomach is probably due to emotional stress. I know now it feels like it will never go away but give it time, It will heal. The first month or so of a breakup is always the hardest and gradually it will become easier. Any guy who has contact with their ex girlfriend/boyfriends behind ones back is not worth it and clearly you are too good for him. Know, That his ex girlfriend and him didn't work out the first time and most likely they won't work out a second time, a third time and even the fourth time. You will move on, You will meet someone who will be happy to spend their time with you and won't need to jump back to the past to fulfill their happiness. Focus on you, Find yourself and what makes you happy. I promise you will heal in time and you will find happiness.
-BahaiMa22
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We've all been there. The only thing you can do is take time to get over him. It'll be a while sure but after a while things will get better.
Listen to songs that make you want to dance etc etc not songs that make you even more depressed than you already are.
I hope I helped some. Good luck, and if you ever need to talk, just message me if you want.
BrokenAngel
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The biggest mistake most girls make after a break up, is trying to talk to him or talk to his friends..etc. The only thing that does is reafirm in the guys head, that he did the right thing by breaking up with you. like the last answer said, it will completely throw them off if you just appear to walk away. that doesnt mean you'll never to talk to him again, or that your completely healed or anything. it just basically says to him that 'hey i'm an indapendent person, you werent the only thing i had to lose. even tho you were the one broken up with, you still leave with dignity and some pride. those 2 things are very important.
although it seems like this feeling in your stomach will never go away.. it will. it may take a few weeks, for some even months, but sooner or later it will be gone. you just have to take the next 3-4 days to be sad, cry, eat, do all the "depressing things, post break-up". but then AS SOON as those days are up, you HAVE to pick yourself up, throw yourself into a schedule/routine, hang out with you friends... do what You need to do to stop him from constantly being in your head.
i hope this helps, even a little. i've been there before, and i wish you the best. if you need someone to talk to or Anything, i'm here.
good luck!
<3
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Been there, heard that, felt your pain..
Regretfully, it is the unmistakable aggravation of a crushed heart. I have come across an article on the net. Please read on and I hope it helps:
A friend of a friend has called her ex-boyfriend six times since he broke up with her. I told my friend to bestow my breaking up advice on her. Whether you want someone back or not, if you follow the rules below, you will maintain your dignity, maybe win the person back, or eventually get over them:
1. Ride Off Into The Sunset
In college I took a class called "American Western Movies". Give me a break, ok? It was summer session. But this class did teach me something. I learned I wanted to be a cowboy. They are so cool, collected, never play their hand, never look rattled, and they are always confident.
One thing they all did was ride off as the sun set on the horizon after their business was done.
Riding off into the sunset keeps our dignity. When a guy breaks up with me, I will say:
"OK, it was great getting to know you over the past (insert length of time).You take care."
My business is done.
Then, I will figuratively ride off into the sunset. I won't tell him how much I miss him. I won't tell him he made a mistake. I won't call, email or text. I won't mention him to mutual friends. I'll be gone from his life.
Suddenly, it will dawn on the guy that he is not getting his money's worth for this breakup. It is true: people who do the breaking up have an air of power to them. They like being the decision maker, and having the control. But after I walk away like it's no problem, he'll start to think:
"Wow, why isn't she shaken up over this? Did she even care that I broke up with her?"
Or even better, the ever-popular and coveted:
"Did I do the right thing breaking up with her?"
That's when you know you're in business.
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