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the pressure of all of this is just getting to me
I am a sophomore girl in one of the most elite high schools in the nation. Call me shallow but i am one of the "in" crowd too. im not cpnceited, but i will admit a great deal of my friends are. I'm always feeling pressured by what everyone expects of me to be. Since i am one of the more well known kids literally im supposed to be a size 0, have had sex a bajillion times, never to lose my cool, and basically just be perfect. Here's the main issues: My natural body is a size 6, i know not huge but not a 0, so i have forced myself to throw up only a few times. I've never made it past first base, though i've been there MANY times. My family is so messed up: beyond normal dysfunction. My brother is gay and proud, and he got caught at the high school two years ago with drugs before being sent to rehab (THE ONLY STUDENT TO EVER BE SENT TO REHAB IN THE PAST 15 YEARS). I am always worried that someone at school will pair me with him and then i'd be ostracized. My parents have been divorced since i was a little under a year old and my mom works 16 hour days so i never see her or my stepdad, who is also a doctor. I mean I've got money, thats not the problem. The problem is i feel like im trapped in a small barred box and everyone is poking me and trying to get me to do tricks for them. I feel trapped. Its like i'm screaming in a crowded room but no one can here me. On the outside i have it all together, but on the inside? i'm losing it. Everything with me revolves around fitting in and being loved, i guess just because i never had that in my home life. And also being apart of this elite group of kids takes a toll on me to. Ive been programmed to think only certain things are beautiful and being different makes you a freak. Im always worried that as soon as i leave the group they'll talk about me because loyalty has no meaning in the inner circle. I have no doubt that half the people i hang out with would tear my rep apart if they were guaranteed my part in the "chain" Its a vicious cycle but now im stuck and i feel so alone.
Question: Anyone who's been here know how to relate and give me a good outlet?
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ADVICE
This sounds to me that you have alot of pain, you are not willing to let anyone see. Your afraid to be alone and might even feel that others only pretend to care, but really dont. You mentioned your brother, do you have feelings of some jeliouly there? That he can be that way, and i does not affect him like it affects you? Growing up with your parents never being around has to be very difficult. Even though we dont really like putting up with our parents they play a very vital role in how we all grow up. I think you may feel abonded in a way or not important enough to the people that really matter to you. Please dont starve yourself and do your body damage. If your meant to be like a size six, be a size six and be proud of the body god gave you. As far as your group of friends you have know, friends come and go, only focus on the ones you know truely care about you. I would also have a talk with your parents and let them know that you need them in your life, and they need to let you know that you exsist and that you matter. All the money in the world cant make you happy, its the people who love you that make up the person you will become. I am very concerned about the drugs and the inner depression you have. I know you went to rehab at that is great, very big step. Your reactions to situations show that you are lashing out in the only ways you know how to deal with everyday pessures. Maybe even to get attention or to be noticed. I know you say that when you talk you feel that no one is really listening. That is a terrible way to feel, and I understand first hand how frustrating that can be. I am not hear to tell you how to live your life, but I am concerned and it really hurts to see someone in alot of emotional pain. I really would like to offer more advice or help, bt I will wait for you to get back with me and you can tell me what you think?
One last thing all the sex, everything I have read tends to show me your on a self destruction path. Harming yourself, or trying to ecape reality, because you hurt so much inside. Although others cant see it, I am very worried about you. Please update me from time to time so I know how you are....Life will get better, I will help you in ay way I can.. But most of all I will listen, even if thats all you need.
onedayatatime
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Okay started with your brother. Who cares no offence but you can't help who you are or whom you like. You maybe losing it on the inside but from what you say it sounds like he lost it not only on the inside but on the inside. probly with how people tend to look on gays or maybe people have said something to him or dealing with you. you never now.
I got along with just about everyone by just being my self. i wasn't ugly but wasn't model type you know? who cares if your not a size 0 thats discusting.. keep being something your not and you wont get any where in life what so ever. you need to be your self and have friends who like you for you.. yeah high school is a bunch of drama but thats helping you focus on the real world. you will never meet a man of your dreams if he has to be in your social group etc.
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The truth is, you sound exactly like most girls now.
The pressure of popularity and not. If you're popular, you must maintain that. If you're not popular, you must become popular. It's vicious in high school, it really is.
In the real world though it isn't like that. Nobody will care if you're wearing hollister as long as you look appropriate and show up for work on time. Nobody will care if it took you 3 hours to get your hair perfect--it's just hair and as long as it, too, is appropriate then there aren't any worries.
A problem the youth of today faces is they are so focused on appearance. What really needs to be happening is more focusing on maturing properly, learning by whatever educated is presented, and caring about others. You know that isn't happening, I know that isn't happening.
You will drive yourself silly if you continue this. You will find yourself out 23 years old, 20 sexual partners later, 3 babies, divorced, have herpes, and be completely alone. The only way you'll know how to "snag" a man is to have sex with them--only making the relationship complete trash. The only way you'll get money is to work minimum wage fast-food joints or something that takes so much of your time up that you have none for the children you've given birth to. You'll be nowhere. You'll be depressed because nobody will be there to "fit in" with. Each year this will get tougher--and when you get 30, which sounds like a long way off now but it really isn't, you'll look back and be able to say, "Well...I was popular in high school! I work at McDonald's now. Maybe I'll find a decent man one of these days..."
You're going to hate me saying this but you need to stop focusing on yourself and focus on people who are in need. Start volunteering your time at:
Nursing homes
Food pantries
Soup Kitchens
Shelters
Use your money on people in need. Use your time helping people. You will learn so much about REAL LIFE from an 80-year-old bedridden woman on her deathbed than you will from your "BFF" at school.
Television isn't helping. You're being fed the same crap you are at school. Have sex. Be pretty. Play dangerously. NO! This is not right and you know that inside. Stop making time to watch television programs and do REAL, HELPFUL things. The media keeps telling us to only worry about ourselves. Sure, it's fine to tend to your own needs--but what happens when everyone is too busy with themselves? What happens when everyone stops worrying about caring for others? They become depressed, wondering why they don't belong somewhere and why they feel lost in society. This WILL happen to you.
You know your friends will leave you.
You know your friendship means nothing.
You know you're not gaining anything from these people.
Why not spend this time on things that will make a difference in your life and others? Volunteering, even to read children a few passages from the Bible after school, will help you develop a life-long sense of achievement. That is what you want. You need to KNOW that YOU make a difference to the world--not to your "BFF" who wishes she looked just liked you--but someone who NEEDED you and you took their hand in help.
Spend time at soup kitchens helping to feed the hungry, volunteer at various shelters just to help out, visit the elderly in homes so they're not as lonely (not everyone has visitors and just about everyone has neat stories to tell), read Bible passages to younger children, volunteer at local animal shelters, become a Big Sister and teach someone how NOT to be what you're becoming, donate your time to what needs you, and do whatever you can with that time. You may even consider doing random acts of kindness:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
If you feel like you don't have time now--make time. Alter your daily schedules to fit a few hours in for volunteering. Instead of being on the computer for an hour, log in only for 15 minutes and do what you NEED to do. Instead of sitting at home for dinner every day, take one day a week to eat at the soup kitchen after volunteering there.
Focus on who needs you. In essence, this is all for YOU so this is important. Helping others will help you.
I suggest you grab a phone book and make a few calls. Sit down with a calendar and set up one or more days a week to volunteer your time at certain places.
You wouldn't believe the way an nursing home patient's eyes would light up when you say, "Hey, I'm doing this paper for school...could you help me?" You wouldn't believe the smile you'd get from a woman in the battered women's shelter when you bring her a warm blanket. You wouldn't believe the questions that would be asked from the homeless when you miss a day of handing food out at the soup kitchen. You wouldn't believe the memories a young child will recall of you reading the Bible to them one afternoon, helping them start their own path to God.
Nobody will care what you wear. Nobody will care if your hair is perfection. Nobody will care if your face is made-up. Nobody will care what boys you like, if you're sexually active, or your favorite teenage-quotes. They will care that you have a caring heart, a friendly face, a comforting voice, and a warm hug when they need it.
Learn while you're young. Stop wasting your time on meaningless things. Offer the world what you can right now. Enjoying life does not mean becoming a teenage-whore.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
P.S. Don't worry about sex. You're better than to throw your body out there like they do. The only reason your peers want you to do that is because their sex is crap and they feel bad about it so they want you to feel like crap too with them. Nobody likes to be alone, you see--think of the Devil--he didn't just sit back and say, "Oh, I did wrong. Oh well...guess I'll go be alone." He tempted others into being miserable with him. Understand?
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you may not like this answer but what i would do is first off, find a good friend. a loyal one. not someone who's in your "in" crowd...try and meet someone outside of it and just talk to them and make other friends, then you will not always feel like you have to stay in that crowd. if you make a real friend you can tell them everything, thats what real friends do, so i honestly think theres no even point of having those "in" friends....alls they do is screw you over in the end (which i've experienced)
Thats really all i can say and i can almost gurantee you that if you meet the right person, they'll stand by your side and help you through this...who cares if they're not popular, real friends are better than fake friends
best of luck with everything.
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