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My brother just got his girlfriend pregnant!
To start, my brother and I are extremely close, considering I'm his LITTLE sister (by 2 years) and he's sixteen. Our close relationship is the reason I am asking this, not because I'm being a nosy little sister.
Ok, My brother, sixteen, has a girlfriend who is seventeen. They claim to be "in love" and I have no doubt they love each other, but I don't know how long it will last once my brother knocks over the first dominoe by telling my parents.
My brother, recovering pot addict, bipolar, extremely OCD, and a little schitzophrenic has gone through quite a lot over the last 4 years or so. He's had his ups and downs, usually dragging the rest of our family (2 younger sisters age seven and eight, My dad, My mom, and me) down with him. He'll have these random angry moments where he slams doors, punches walls, gets out of a moving vehicle at a stop light, and pretty much breaks my moms heart. He always ends up just running out the door.
Recently, he's received his license. Scary, right? I'm afraid he'll just lose it one of these days and drive off and leave me here to help the rest of the family get through it. Well, a week before he got his license, my dad's girlfriend had to move back to Florida, because she was unable to sell her house and couldn't find anyone to move into it for her. Keep in mind, this woman is literally my dad's dream girl. They are absolutely in love, but hesitant to marry because they've both been cheated on by their "significant other".
Anyways, so she had to move back, and my brother started manipulating and bugging my parents to help him buy a car. I think this is very self-centered, but all he wants is a car. So that caused tension between my dad and my brother (they live together).
Now, on top of ALL of this that has happened, my brother goes and gets his girlfriend pregnant. Ok, I'm sure he didn't mean for her to get pregnant, but it happened, and neither of them want an abortion. Also, his girlfriend has been being sexually harrassed and repeatedly raped by her own father for the last 5 years.
My own father is completely against the idea of my brother and his girlfriend ever having sex, so as you can tell, if my brother tells him, my dad's going to rip his head off.
My brother is planning to tell my mom first because he absolutely hates her, but she is always trying to "connect" with him, so she is very leniant with him. He thinks that she'll help him out, but we really don't have the space or finances for a child! He's just not understanding the consequences of his mistakes!!!
I really don't know what to do! I know he's going to wait until he's off probation (about a month) to tell, so we only have a few more weeks of happiness left before the screaming and anger starts all over again. I don't think I can handle another one of these outbreaks, I really don't, but there's nowhere to go to hide from it all. While all of these outbreaks occur, I usually just hideout in my room for a few weeks, but I know that this one could last months! I don't think i'm ready for this mentally.
Please help, I don't know what to do! The fighting will go on between my mom and dad about what they should do about my brother, and between my brother and them. I can't handle it! Please help me! There's no escape from the constant despair lingering in our household! Any advice is accepted!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I'm going to make a suggestion here, and you aren't going to like it one bit, but I'm going to suggest it anyways: Tell your father and mother that you think your brother's girlfriend is pregnant.
Is this betraying your brother? In a way, yes it is. But this isn't 'tattling' like a nosy little sister; this is sharing incredibly scary information like a responsible family member. I my little sister was pregnant, or if she was dying or moving to Taiwan, I’d want to know. So would my parents, and since she is still a minor living at home, they would have RIGHT to know.
I recently had to refuse my little brother bail, and make him sit tight until our parents got home. He was angry with me, still is, most of our siblings are too. But the truth is, his issues with the law weren’t my burden to carry, they were his issue and an issue that needed to be addressed by our parents, not by me.
This shouldn’t be your secret to carry, and he isn’t entitled to treating his parents so shabbily as to mislead them and lie to them about such a serious issue either, so tell them what you think is going on. You can be a bit iffy about it if that makes it easier and say “I think this is what’s happening, you should ask him about it…”
Now, as for yourself.
Find something to do that relieves your stress.
Take a walk or a bike ride. Knit or sew or draw. Take a bubble bath or read a book. Find something that helps you escape and then make sure you DO IT for at least 20 minutes each day. Book that time in. Let it be the first thing you do when you get home from school or the last thing you do before you go to bed. Make sure you get it.
If your family gets in your way or your twenty minutes of ‘me’ time explain to them calmly that you are very stressed out by everything and that you need that time to yourself to unwind.
Of course, this isn’t the perfect solution, not by far. It won’t make everything better, but it will make you feel a bit better and give you some down time to look forward too. It will help you face the nonsense and anger around, while still staying grounded and sane within yourself.
Also, try to talk to someone. Not just a friend, but an adult. A school counselor, youth worker, or even an aunt or uncle, a neighbor or an old babysitter. Anyone who is an adult and who you can trust to speak too, not because you need them to fix your problems, but because you need them to help you figure out what the problem is and to give you a more mature take on it.
Whatever happens, and whatever you choose, take care of yourself.
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Please don't take this the wrong way, but
I think your brother is to immature to be
anyone's father.
First of all is he sure it is his? If she is
being raped by her father then it could be his.
Gross I know, but it is possible.
The mother of this child needs taken out
of her situation. If she doesn't leave
I fear for what SHE may go through at home.
Someone needs to call Social services and
get her out of there.
If for some reason she stays, her child will
probably be abused the same way. What a mess.
Since both your brother and his girlfriend
seem to have many problems of their own, I
think if you have any say at all, you should
encourage them to at least consider putting
the baby up for adoption. This is just to
much to bring a baby into.
I think your dad may be upset at first. He
will get over it though. I think you need
to steer his thoughts to the environment
his future grandchild may be living in.
That may get him working with your brother
on a solution to this, rather than just
being mad at him.
Best of luck to all of you.
]
try and see a family counselor with your whole family and have him break the news to your family while at a counseling session with everyone there. this will probably help your family not fight so much and maybe they will realize that they are affecting you, who is completely innocent, in very negative ways. if you get home after he tells them and they all start fighting, maybe you should come out of your room and say something like 'don't you guys ever think of how all this fighting makes me feel?' or something really dramatic like that to make them feel bad and realize that they're affecting you, because it seems like your whole family and especially your brother care about you a lot and would never want to hurt you. if you say something maybe they will reconsider fighting in front of you and take it somewhere where they can talk alone and calmly. then just try to stay out of the fight and stay in your room or away from it. maybe if things get really heated you can go on a walk or go over a friend's house or something. if none of this works, just go in your room and try to relax and not think about it, thats why i do. you shouldn't have to be stressed about your brother's and parent's problems, even though you care about them a lot.all you can do is convince your mom to take your whole family to a family counselor, and she will walk you through everything and help everyone. and if YOU ever need to see a counselor/therapist to let our your feelings about what all the fighting does to you, then that would definitely help you too and make you feel much better. Another thing, did you ever think that maybe your brother's girlfriend is pregnant from her DAD? I know it's very disgusting and perverted to think about, but it's probably more likely. Talk to your brother about this. Tell him that maybe his girlfriend should see a doctor about it or get a DNA test to make sure that it is your brother's baby. because, if it's not his baby, the baby will be deformed/mentally retarted or have some type of problems because it was born within the same family. If she hasn't yet, your brother's girlfriends NEEEEEEDDDSS to tell someone besides you guys that her dad is continually raping her. She needs to tell the police. or even a doctor or therapist just SOMEONE that can help her. She needs to go see a counselor or therapist about this, because being continually raped by a family member can really mess someone up in the long run. and i mean REALLY mess them up. especially if they never tell anyone. Another reason she needs to tell a doctor/policeman/therapist/counselor is because there is a very likely chance the baby could be her father's, and then it would be deformed/mentally retarted. even though it's a horrible, horrible thing if it really is her father's baby,your brother won't have to worry about telling your parents he's having a baby because he's not, and then he can just worry about helping and supporting his girlfriend through this very hard time. that is why she needs to find out whose baby it is and tell the police and her doctor RIGHT AWAY. if the doctor doesn't know the baby's real father, it could cause even more problems at birth. that's why she should tell now, because she's going to end up having to tell her doctor later anyway for the baby's safety.
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Despite his age and his past problems, He needs to tell his Mom and Dad as they do deserve to know the truth. It's for his own benifiet, It's better for them to know now then to find out when the baby is born. If you are afraid of an outbreak then maybe you and your brother could sit down together and approach your parents that way. However, I'm still not garenteeing that they will not be upset. There is really nothing you can do but assure your brother that you will be there for him if he ever needs to talk. It was his mistake to make. Also, Try approaching your parents when they are in a "decent" mood as that might help some.
Hope I helped some.
BahaiMa22
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