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falling IN love.. not LOVING someone
i'd like to hear everyone and anyone's opinion, but i'd love for the older columnists to help me on this one... question being, do you think there is a certain age in which you can REALLY fall IN love with someone? Or do you think you can fall in love at any age, whether you're 16 or 50? So many people say at 8 you cannot fall in love, yet at 16 you can.. what is the difference? of course, the difference with any age is experiance, but do you guys really believe these theories? i want opinions!!! thanks =]
flirty
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I completely disagree with the person below me. I don't think it matters how long you've been together or been dating. When you feel that intense pain of not having them there, it feels unnatural not to be with them, you get this breath of fresh air in your body, etc. thats when you know youre in love. To me, you can fall in love at any age. I used to think different but I learned when I myself fell in love at a young age. The thing that most people don't understand is that there is no definition for love. Trying to describe your love for someone is like trying to describe how water tastes. You just can't! Love is different for everyone, and everyone has different experiences. When you fall in love with someone, it is like nothing else matters when you're with them. I do agree that you do have to be very mature about it. You have to be understanding towards their feelings and care for them. I hope I answered your question well enough :]
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I completely disagree with Comrade.
I think "I love you" shouldn't be said until you've been dating for at least a year and a half, but preferably two years. Why do I say this, you ask? Well, to be frank, it pisses me off when people in relationships at, for instance 3 weeks or 3 months say "I love you!", when they don't know what it means. Love is indescribable, and to just throw it around as if it were nothing is SO irritating to me. Love isn't something you can normally feel after being with someone for a few weeks or two months or something; love is something you feel when you're about to get married or are already married. Don't get me wrong, there are certainly exceptions, but chances are you're not it, to be honest.
My advice to you is to not say it until you're absolutely CERTAIN it's love, and really, you'll know. There IS a fine line between infatuation [which teenagers mistake as love] and actual love. When you're mature enough, you'll know what that difference is. Now I'm not trying to sound like I'm some master of love because I'm not. I've never felt love like that, I've only felt love for my family, friends and most importantly God, but that's a different kind of love.
For more insight as to why I feel this way, feel free to read my answer to this inbox question:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
--Jack
(16/m)
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Frankly, it's not so much the feelings of love I think are limited. Anyone can feel love, as simply as they can feel hungry, or angry.
When I tell a young person that I wouldn't call what they are doing 'in love' it's not because I doubt the intensity of their feelings. What I am expressing doubt in is their ABILITY TO BEHAVE AS A LOVER.
I don't mean a lover in the sense of sex, but a lover in the sense of a person who can behave with love to another.
Their inability to be express and behave and treat another person with love doesn’t come simply from arbitrary years on the calendar. It comes from life experience, and neurology.
Teenagers do NOT have fully developed brains or personalities. Your brain keeps on changing, a lot, until your mid-twenties. Children and Teenagers are biologically selfish and self-involved. This isn’t a bad thing. Being self-involved in a VERY important part of developing your sense of self and learning what you want in life. However, it also makes expressing love difficult, because to treat another with love requires a degree of selflessness, compromise and empathy that teens and adolescents are not biologically inclined too, and have no real experience with. Everything about their body, everything about their brains and everything about the way our society is organized has the teenager focusing on ME, THE DEVELOPMENT OF ME, and WHAT DO I WANT?
These are really important things! But they aren’t going to make treating another person with love very easily.
So, when are you truly in love? When you can treat another person with that love. That means being able to support them, compromise, communicate and respect them. Are teens capable of this? Sure, I suppose technically, but it’s not what they typically do in their relationships. They screw up. It’s something they are in the process of learning HOW to do. Frankly, I think its pure dumb luck that some high school sweet hearts learn how to truly be lovers to each other, and some break up and learn it with other people.
So can you feel love as a teen, sure. Why the hell not. But are you going to really act on that love and building something lasting and healthy? Not likely.
Hell, a lot of married adults can’t even figure that out, and are stuck in the same selfish relationship patterns they had as teens.
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"So many people" are morons. You can fall in love at any age. In fact, younger people usually fall in love faster and harder because they lack the emotional experience to stop themselves. If anything, I'd say the ability to love DECREASES as you get older.
People who say "Oh, no. That's not REAL love" or "Oh, they're just confusing lust for love" are kidding themselves.
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In my opinion, any one can fall in love. at any age. the thing is that it's rare. its rare to fall in love at an early age because thats when you confuse love and lust. the wanting to be with someone physically vs loving them. however, even though statistics say 16 year olds don't fall in love at that age although they claim, there's always people who defy the rule and are exceptions to it. it also depends on the maturity level of the person.
Also, at age 8, do you really know what love is? it's basically all the same to you. If you think back to when you were 8 you either loved someone or you didn't. you didn't distinguish the type of love it was, all you knew is that you liked the person. At 16 hormones kick in and you think it's love because you learn to think w/out using your brain.
Hope i helped
es =]]
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i'm 15. turning 16 in december.
I actually fell in love at the age of 14 with this boy alex. First TRUE kiss, First true boyfriend, and first true guy to treat me right. So, i don't stop every thinking about him, hes the only thing on my mind. Since we broke up abuot a year ago, he got a girlfriend and when anyone mentions "sam and alex" i get depressed. i tried to break them up, stupid and bitchy and self centered.. i know. but, ahh, we all make mistakes.. it didnt work, alex and i will never be together, and i'll always be in love with him.
Laura, 16
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