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Healthy debate :]
Hi Jack, let me begin by saying that I respect your advice and that this isn't at all a criticism of you, I'm just curious.
I've seen you answer a few questions about love where you've stated that you don't think people can feel true love until they're married or about to be married. I'm just curious as to why you believe this, when you've said yourself that you've never experienced it. What has influenced you to this decision/opinion?
I personally believe that you can feel love at any age and at any time, I don't believe that a couple should get to a certain time limit in their relationship and say 'Above the age of 18? Check! Together for over 18 months? Check! Phew, we can be in love now..'
I must stress again that this is not a criticism, I'm just genuinely curious as to what your thoughts are on this.
Rainbowcherrie.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hey rainbowcherrie [have you told me your name ever, because that's much less awkward than calling you by your column name xD]!
Yes, that is what I believe, and normally I don't say in my answers because I know no one really cares, but since you're showing an interest... =].
Mainly what has made me think this is that I see SO many teenagers [in fact, I see pretty much every teenager] that are in relationships, and after one month or just a week or two, they already claim they "love" each other. How can someone at such a young age, who hasn't experienced the world, or for that matter, anything outside of their own lives, possibly LOVE someone they've been dating for only a week? That's just ridiculous. And if they think they are in love, chances are, they are infatuated with the other person and are mistaking it for love. Love isn't "feeling butterflies around them" [as someone said in their answer to the question you saw my answer to]. Love is not being able to live without the person. Love is being completely devoted to them and there is almost no doubt. Love is looking at that person, and knowing that you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Love is even much more than all those things. It's not "feeling butterflies"; sure that can be a part of it, but generally if you're in love you should have already passed that stage [though who am I to judge?]
Really I didn't mean to say that you cannot be in love unless you are married or about to be that way, I meant to say that JUST because you're in a relationship as a teenager, it doesn't mean you're in love, and most of them really aren't in love. For those relationships that last for awhile [I think I said a year or two?], well then yes, maybe then they can say they are in love, but even that is pushing it to me. My brother and his girlfriend are coming up on 2 years in February, and I don't think they've ever said those words to each other, but I can tell they are completely attached. I just think that it's not always necessary to say you're in "love", when, as a teenager, I know the pressure to say it.
Maybe it's because I'm bitter [for lack of a better word] about an ex-girlfriend whom I was foolish enough to use those three words, and it was because she said it, and naturally, I didn't want to upset her, so I said it back. I think that's the case with most teenage relationships. One of the two thinks they love the person [and they might], and they say "I love you", and then the other person thinks "Oh my gosh- if I don't say it back- they're going to think I don't love them!", and of course, most of them aren't mature to realize [and I wasn't either], that you CAN just say "To be honest, I really really like you, but saying 'I love you' is a little much for me right now,".
I guess part of what I'm saying comes from a song by Snow Patrol, called "Chasing Cars":
"Those three words
Are said too much
But not enough..."
And basically it's saying that everyone says "I love you", but they don't really mean it. They are either saying it to be cool, to keep the relationship, or because they are legitimately confused. But of course there are always exceptions, though most of the people who will claim they are an exception aren't. =P
Thanks for inboxing, it made me think a bit and I enjoyed this one ;]
--Jack
(16/m)
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