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Some advice on health & self-esteem for an obese teen, please?
No, maybe fat isn't the BEST word. Obese is more like it. I'm 19 years old and I probably weigh close to 340 pounds. I have been obese for about 10 years now? No maybe less than that. It has to be less than that. Anyway, I'm getting off track.
I have always thought that because I'm so fat that I will never get a guy, however it was just a passing thought that would always return so I never was bothered by it, until the past couple of years. My self-image is so poor that when I walk into a building and I see my reflection though the glass I have to look away from it quickly so I won't see myself. Each time I look at myself I feel this wave of disgust, shame, and fear.
There is not a darn good thing about myself I find like able at all. Even my personality is called into question because while I view myself as a good person, I find that my faults (such as my Irish temper & obesity) will conquer over any good will I have. I feel so scared that I won't ever find a man who will find me attractive in anyway at all that I will never marry and have a family, like I want to.
I feel ashamed of myself so much that I refuse to apply to work at a near by clothing store because they won't hire a fat girl that can't even fit into the clothes they sell. Also, I'm even starting to have trouble finding clothes my size at Wal-mart. My grandfather who is a WW2 vet never says a thing about my weight, and yet in my mind I think that he deserves a better granddaughter who is pretty than I am.
I don't know, my mom constantly tells me I need to lose weight but for me I just can't stop myself from eating. Oh I notice when I'm over eating but I just can't stop until I'm full. My brother who is younger than me is only a few pounds short of being considered a healthy weight for his age group won't stop insulting me by calling me a fat a**, fat w***e, you know all those good names.
My self-esteem is so poor that if I do meet a guy that might hold real interest in my personality that I will never be able to trust him on his word because I will always assume that he's just saying it to be nice and polite.
Anyway what a pity rant I threw out into this wonderful Advicenators section. I just wanted to know if anyone had any tips for an obese woman to lose weight, right now I'm trying to convince my family to eat at home as much as possible since take-out isn't a good idea. Any exercises that would help me lose weight would be great.
I have no idea how to boost my self-esteem since all I want to do is hide in my room. If anyone knows what to do regarding that, it would be helpful...
Sorry for typing so much but I can't sleep and I have class in a few hours so I was hoping this might calm me down and help me to rest.
Thank you to anyone who answers.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Health?
Some simply diet changes can go a LONG way. You will have to work hard to change the habit, but once you do then you'll be happier and proud of yourself for not eating that stuff.
1. no SODA. No sugary drinks. Stick to juices, water, and teas that have low sugar. There is so much sugar in soda and if you are a soda drinker then cutting out that (depending on how much you ingest) will make a huge difference. There is like 41g of sugar in a can of coke, that is like 8 or 9 tablespoons! If you are drinking soda, stop! That will cut down automatically on your sugar intake.
2. Get exercise videos. They can be rented at the library or of course bought. You can set these up in a room in your home. It can be embarrassing to work out in public, I understand that. So at home perform a video. You can do it! Determination, perseverance, and persistance are incredibly strong motivators.
3. Write down exercises to do. Write on a post-it "Everday do 50 sit-ups". You don't have to do them all at once. Put that paper on your wall and DO IT! =D
4. No take out. Home cooked food is the best. Try not to add salt to your diet, too much sodium is bad.
5. No junk junky junk food. This will be hard if you are a binge eater. DETERMINATION! You can do it. I can tell. If you are willing to take the steps to ask for help, then you are ready to drop the weight. When you snack eat a healthy (good tasting) Wheat Thin instead of a chip. Eat a low-fat yogurt. They are quite good. =D Make fruit shakes and let that be your Meal. Fill it with whey protein powder and fruits, a skim milk.
6. The key to LOSING weight is to Burn off more calories then you take in. If you are taking in 3000 calories but not burning off any then you will stay the same weight.
If you take in 3000 calories/day and burn off 500-600 then that is a pound off a week. And of course, if you eat more calories then you burn off you gain weight.
7. Calorie counting can be quite tedious, but is very effectual. If you know that that frozen pizza has 498calories (it says so, Real all labels) then don't do it! Cut the calories!
--Avoid high sugar foods. Cakes, Ice Creams, etc.
--Avoid sodas
--Get work out videos and DO IT! =D
--Drink water
--Watch those calories. Burn them yourself and lose that weight so that you can let yourself feel beautiful. =) And of course, maybe spit on your brother for being an ass. Pardon the language. Good luck to you. Kick the weights ass. You control your body, NOT the other way around.
Tiffany/=D
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Talk to your family doctor and have him recommend a nutritionist.
Talk to the nutritionist. They know alot about the body. From there you can get recommendations on things like dietitians, possible solutions, etc.
Thats really the best suggestion. You have stated you don't have the self control you want or need. You need outside help to shore up where you're weak and to help you figure out your strong points. You need to make losing weight an actual life goal as opposed to a wish or a dream. And then pursue it.
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I read this and see a girl who can't see her beauty. She cuts herself down, sells herself short, and belittles herself.
STOP THAT.
Like Alin, I know where you're coming from. I won't give you diet advice because; 1. Alin did a fantastic job, and I can't add; 2. I need to go on a diet, myself.
What I can tell you is this- Though you want to have a better exterior image, you really need to work on your self image. You sell yourself short, which is not uncommon. We are our own worst critics, even when it comes to our body image. Heck, some girls don't have a visible ounce of extra fat, yet they'll seem to find it and cut themselves down about it.
We ALL have flaws. ALL of us. Inside and out. We are only human, and perfection is inhuman. The problem comes when we obsess over them rather than working on changing the things we can, and accepting the things we can't.
So you're fat. Rather than fret, stew, and belittle yourself, work on changing it. Not out of fear that you'll never find a guy, but because YOU want to in order to feel better about YOU.
In fact, completely take "guy" out of the equation. Why? My fat self found a wonderful husband who gave me two beautiful children, because he saw me for ME and loves me for ME. So don't fret and stew about "guy," for he is one more reason you're beating yourself up needlessly.
I know that having a poor self image and poor self esteem adds to your temper. How? When you have a negative view on yourself, you start to have a negative view on life. Negativity feeds temper, which is a hungry beast. You gotta try to overlook the negative and focus on the positive.
Come on. I know there's positive about you. You say you view yourself as a good person. You need to realize that being a good person overall outweighs your flaws by a far stretch. Being a good person is a GREAT thing, and trust me when I say we need many more good people in this world.
Take pride in being a good person!
As for your brother, hey, they can be jerks. I have a brother who also called me names and made fun of my weight. But you know what? That's siblings for you. My brother is a great guy, and though he teased me growing up, he always had my back and protected me when I needed it.
Try not to pay mind to the things he says. Pass it off as a brother being a brother, because he's doing it to get under your skin. Siblings like to be pests to one another and rival one another. He'll grow out of it when he becomes mature.
Next subject.
Unconditional love is a wonderful, special thing. You desire to be loved unconditionally, don't you? To fully feel that love is to first love yourself unconditionally. That means you love yourself no matter what you look like, no matter what your flaws may be. Until you can love yourself, how do you expect to accept and trust the unconditional love of another?
I can see that you obviously don't accept and trust that love. That fact sticks out like a sore thumb with the comment you made about your grandfather. He loves you for WHO YOU ARE, yet you feel like you aren't good enough. You feel you don't deserve his love.
You look so far down on yourself that you've made your eyes and heart blind to the fact that he thinks you are BEAUTIFUL.
You seriously need to find self love. You need to love you unconditionally. If you love yourself, self esteem rises. If you realize your beauty, self image rises no matter what your weight may be. When you love you for who you are, you will find yourself happy with life.
I, too, am fat. I, too, have flaws. I love myself no matter what people see on the outside. I'm damn good people, and anyone who wants to judge me by my appearance can just keep walking. People like that just aren't worth my precious time.
I found a great guy, I have a great little family unit, I have great family, and great friends.
I lead a life filled with joy and happiness.
How did I accomplish this?
I stopped worrying about what other people think of me.
I stopped seeing myself as a fatso, and I realized that fat I may be, but I sure am beautiful.
I stopped focusing on the negatives and realized I'm a good person and I try to do good things in this life.
I love myself unconditionally FIRST, and all of the rest of the warm and fuzzy stuff follows suit. Yes, that includes true happiness and inner peace, because that's what matters most. Not your looks. Not your temper. Not that hypothetical guy.
Until you can find that love for yourself, until you can take the blinders off of your heart, until you can stop fretting over your flaws, you will find that you will never think yourself good enough for a single damned thing in this life, even if you look like a super model.
Work on that.
ygs-30/f
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Well first off, people who taunt your weight are those who are self consious themselves aswell. it makes a person feel better when their able to make fun of someone else who they feel is "fat" or overweight that way they forget about their own issues. People with no self morals or self respect result to that kind of answers. I was once over weight myself, and my sister was too. i went on a crashing diet that was insane i would never eat and id run all day. regardless what people said i would always say "f*ck them" and do it anyways. My sister that is now 13 years old was over weight and she was mocked and ridiculed most of her life. she decided to not take it anymore and forced herself to run everyday. while the family had take out she made a salad. when we sat around she jogged. when we ate cake she'd eat a fruit salad. the key is determenation. to want something bad enough you dont care what anyone says or thinks. you know that at the end of the day youve done something YOU wanted to do. Food is a temptation kind of like drugs and drinking are. too much of ANYTHING is bad for you. and i know this isnt the smartest idea but to me its the best. anger. right now you just need to be angry and fed up you need to remember everyone that has ever laughed at you and direct your anger into loosing that weight just to prove them all wrong. if you think "i want to loose weight ( a positive though) but im too tired ( a negative thought" it completely cancels out the positive. the word "but" has more power than you think. so lets change the words around. "I am too tired, but i NEEd to loose weight" that way, we just turned the negative to positive.
Look at the way you wrote your question, just by reading it i could tell your an amazing person, and i dont flatter people much. So maybe you can be an example to millions and finally do what alot of people cant and loose the weight that took seconds to build. do it for yourself not for prince charming, and not for your parents. and not for the idiots that laugh at you. do it because you know you deserve to be as beautiful as inside as out.
Even though i believe outter beauty is secondary to inner beauty. i also belive you deserve to be both.
Much love. Write me again if you need anything. Bye<33 ( Good luck)
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Hey there. First off I want you to know that I am fully aware of what you are going through. I spent many years of my life being extremely overweight so I can relate to the feelings you just described.
Although sometimes fat people have an exaggerated perception of what the world thinks of them, sadly it is often correct. It is sad that so many people can't see past the exterior to the person one really is, but the one thing that defines our society (imo), is that we almost always judge a book by its cover. You see it all the time in all sorts of contexts (e.g. clothes, appearance, race, etc.).
Anyway, as dismal as that sounds, the good news is that it is not as hard to lose weight as you think it is. I remember again, from my own experience, the notion of losing weight seemed harder than climbing Mount Everest. The journey seemed to have no end, and more than that it was impossible for me to envision an end outcome. After all, I had always been fat...
There are two ways to go about changing your diet, 1. baby steps and 2. all out change. Almost always they recommend nr1 since it allows for a steady transition and minimises shock to your system. I have to admit that it never worked for me, and when I finally did it, I went all out. Every time I tried baby steps I lapsed back. You have to see what fits best with your personality.
Now the first thing to do is to start regular exercise. This is one area where baby steps are always recommended. At your weight you can easily start with walking as a form of cardio. Start with 20- 30 minutes every second day, and increase this to about 30- 45 minutes as you become more used to it. The long term goal should be 4- 6 cardios per week depending on what else you do.
I would always recommend joining a gym, but this is not mandatory. If you are willing a maintenance weight training routine would complement your cardios wonderfully and would have a great effect on your metabolism.
In the end though, your diet will make or break this. Start off by eliminating the really bad stuff. Get rid of everything with sugar added to it, and then get rid of most of the saturated fat (fat found in animal products).
Try to get used to eatin smaller, more frequent meals during the day- ideally every 3- 4 hours. Aim for a balanced diet where your meals are based around a good lean protein source (e.g skinless chicken/ turkey, lean beef, tuna, cottage cheese, etc).
There is no need to give more detailed advice at this stage. Later one can optimise the macronutrient breakdown. For now though, just try to implement these changes. Once you have done that, if you are not losing weight, you need to either decrease overall calories, or increase your exercise levels. Weight loss in your case can exceed the recommended 2 pounds (since you are quite overweight). I think 3 pounds or so should be ok.
I know that the hardest part of this will be in your mind not in your stomach. You somehow have to believe that you can do it, and I guarantee you that you can. Once you have lost the weight maintenance is a piece of cake compared to the weight loss. Remember that there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you will not be hungry for the rest of your life.
Once you get started, once you see results, your self esteem will rise. Exercise in itself helps develop a better mental state. You just have to take the first step.
As for your family. I am so sorry your brother treats you this way. I have no siblings so I dont know how to deal with it (I am also a guy, so I would have thumped him lol). Your mom's reaction is textbook normal. My mom did the same. She will love you in whatever shape you are in, but wants the best possible life for you. She will continue to bug you forever but its forgivable :)
Anyhow, looks I rambled on forever here. I hope you can use this advice, and if theres anything else you can always drop me a note in my inbox.
Best of luck.
Alin 33/m
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