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my mom's boyfriend
15/f
I really don't like my mom's boyfriend! He's been around for about a year now, and at first I really hated him, mainly cause my mom always spent time with him and not me. When i decide to "open up" and tell my mom, she ended up breaking up with him and making me feel REALLY guilty. So i got his number, called him, and told him to come back because it was all a misunderstanding and my mom needed him. That was about a year ago, and i kind of pushed my feelings aside to make my mom happy and kind of got over it. But now, it's starting to bother me again. He doesn't even technially live here, but he's ALWAYS here. ALWAYS. I can't ever be with my mom alone anymore because he's always with her. They go together everwhere pretty much and it seems like i can't go anywhere in my house wihtouot him being there. He is also very annoying in so many little ways and awkward to be around. It's annoying too because my mom is always os busy with online classes, so if i have to go somewhere, she tells him to take me...and i HATE having to be in the car with him and him taking me places. I don't know what to do..because I know he makes my mom happy, and if I told her, i know she would end it with him, and would be so depressed. I know i'm so selfish...my mom deserves a good guy, and i shouldn't get in the way. but what should i do??? it's making me so unhappy...but i can't EVER let my mom know, because it would kill her to know i'm not happy and it would really ruin not only her relationship with him, but me as well..i'm not sure if she would ever forgive me. So..should I just try as hard as i can to avoid him or consider telling my mom??
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None of this is your fault.
You are the kid, and she the adult. You shared your emotions with her, which was right and good of you. She then chooses to break up with the guy and childishly blame you and hold you responsible for HER choice.
That was her, choosing a bad way to deal with the feelings you had honestly expressed. That was very, very wrong of her. You ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER RELATIONSHIP. You are her child. Her love-life is not your job.
I'm actually really quite angry as a type this, because it's disgusting to me that your mother would let you believe that it's your job to maintain or destroy her romantic relationship. That is something she needs to deal with as an adult, not something she should be pinning on you.
You are right that she deserves a good guy, but you also deserve a mom you can speak openly with. You deserve a mother who can take responsibly for her own choices and not let her teenage daughter dictate her life, and then blame that child, when things aren’t great.
Stop feeling so guilty. Start feeling a little angry. You’ve been treated unfairly.
However, your mom is probably not going to change. So, we need to think of ways to communicate this problem that will keep her from behaving badly.
Start small and with the real problem: You want more time with her.
Even if you loved her boyfriend, you’d still want more time with her. Let her know that between her boyfriend being over and her schoolwork that you feel like you have no time with her. Ask her if you can have an evening together to have diner, eat junkfood, play a game or watch a movie. It’s a fair request, and you can probably phrase it so that it will flatter her, rather then worry her. This will solve both of your problems. It will get this guy the hell out of your hair for a while, and it will give you some fun time with your mom.
As for him always being around, yes, do avoid him. You are fair to say to him and your mom that he should give you some space in your own home and not always be knocking on your door or trying to talk to you. Even saying something so simple as ‘Look, I had a long at school and right now I just want to be alone.’ might help him get the message to back off.
Personally, I think young teens should always be grateful for rides, but being grateful doesn’t mean it has to be ‘bonding time’ for you and him. Tell him gently that you just don’t feel like talking right then, or better yet, turn on the radio and just enjoy whatever mindless noise he wants.
There should be a way for you to express your unhappiness honestly without ruining your mom’s life. Her life is her problem. Even if you do say something, and she never forgives you, that is her fuck-up. Forgive yourself. As long as you are civil and polite, you have every right to not like her boyfriend, and she has every right to date him anyways. If they break up agian, remind yourself that it is her choice, and don't get involved.
Her relationship = Not your responsibility.
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Yah, she deserves a good guy in her life, but you deserve a mother in yours. Being a mother is more important.
You should tell her about how you feel. There is no need for her to break up with him about it, but there is a need for her to make time to spend with YOU.
That appears to be the issue... She's not spending time with you. Ask her to make time for both of you.
ygs-30/f
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I really think that you should tell her. You should really explain to her how you feel and let her know that you dont want her to end it with him, but to spend more time with you. Explain to her that maybe you need some time away from him and more with her.
I hope i helped, and if you do take my advice i would love to know what the outcome was.
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