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clingy bff
okay so I have this best friend who is really clingy and obsessive. If I don't get to call or talk to her in like 3 days she freaks out. She calls basically 4 times a day and exspects me to always be waiting by the phone to answer it. Recently I haven't been able to talk to her and she claims I have changed, that I've been miserable and sad, and that I've been hiding from the world. I seriously have no idea what the heck that means.. and I even told this to her; yet she still doesn't make any sense. Another thing she does is freak out when she finds out I'm hanging out with other friends that she doesn't nessisarly like. It's like she wants to spend every second of the day with me and sometimes it just gets on my nerves. I mean I love the girl to death but I always feel like I'm being suffocated. Help! what should I do?
thanks,
Michellemonster <3
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sometimes i can be like that, like when im bored, i always call my best friend, and since my mom works and i dont have a car, it just seems like a natural thing to do. and i probably call my best friend like 5000 times a day. she just likes talking to you, and really enjoys been friends with you. shes probably also kinda jealous, just tell her that you have other friends, and sometimes you are busy, but whenever you are not, you wanna hang out with her. she might feel like youve kinda forgotten about her, and thats why maybe she keeps calling? because she wants to stay friends with you. just tell her to only call you like once, and to leave a message, and you'll get back to her as soon as you can.
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be frank with her. let her know that her cligy attidude is a turnoff, and can prevent her from making and keeping new friends. set a limit to the number of times she can call within a certain period of time. then encourage her to join organizations, sports, etc to widen her circle of friends.
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I hate that your friend is doing this to you. Basically, she is being really selfish to not realize that you have been dealing with something personal. Also, it's not fair to put you in a situation as if you have to chose between people you like and wish to befriend either. She is wrong for that and you should tell her.
Let her know that you aren't being shady, and that you love her to death, but some times, you don't want to be bothered and that you need time for yourself. Tell her that when you tell her that you are sad or going through something that you expect her to listen, and be concerned and to show empathy not sympathy, and to respect you enough to ask you if you feel like talking or if you just need some time for self. Hell, if she can't respect that, cut her off. Also, be sure you aren't lying to her or avoiding her to hang with other friends to avoid conflict with her.
Tell her that you have other friends that you like to kick it with too and that she must be mature and respect that. Suggest that she get more friends too and attempt to squash her issues with your other friends, and to grow up. Once she does that maybe all of you can hang out sometimes.
Let her know that you are feeling suffocated, and pressured and that you don't like it or appreciate it. Tell her that she doesn't have to call you 4 times a day either. I have a friend like that, and I tell her up front, some times she respects me and some times she doesn't so when she doesn't respect me or what I've told her - I TAKE MY TIME to myself or with whoever I wish to kick it with. How, do I do this, I ignore her calls, or turn my phone off or I let her knock on my door - she says I am shady but I am not shady because I have my right to talk or hang with whoever I wish to be in conversation or company with. Shadiness is if you don't tell her what's up and just do it, now telling her and she still persists on being that way, calls for a reaction on your behalf which is to put her in a situation that she has no choice but to accept that you aren't talking that day or hanging that day. You feel me? You have that right too!! Life is too short to be pressed, stressed or feel like a mess or allow yourself to be bombarded upon girl.
Good Luck and once you release that pressure you are feeling, I doubt if you will be as sad or frustrated. Pressure bursts pipes.
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well tell her that you need some time for yourself and also your other friends....i mean let her know that it is fun hanging with her but you also need your personal space....try to put a bit o distance between the two of you and dont always answer the phone only about every other day that you two dont hang out.....
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Talking to this girl won't make a difference; the best thing you can do is distance yourself.
Only answer when she calls once every 3 days or so- she'll get used to it. When you make plans with her (again, not too often), invite other people, too, and include her in group plans. Eventually she'll get used to it and you can still be friends without any awkwardness that would come from talking about it.
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tell her you want some space, it's not an uncommon thing to happen with best friends. also, admit to her that you have more than one friend, best friend even. and tell her you are happy, and she just needs to quit suffocating you, she should understand.
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