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Should I?
Im 19 years old and still a virgin and kinda want to stay like that but then again dont want to cause i want to enjoy my life What you think i sholud do ?`
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You know, I use to think sex must be fun because lots of people bragged about it and then when I lost my virginity I realized that it really wasn't what it was cracked up to be.
Everyone pressures you to have sex so you will fit in. What is hard to understand is this:
The people who are telling you to have sex only want you to do it too because they are either hoping your sexual experiences are just like theirs so they won't feel alone and jipped, or so you give them something to talk about for awhile.
It's TRUE! I have had girls my age confess this very thing to me: "I pressured her into having sex with him because I had lost my virginity and, well, I knew it really wasn't great and I wanted her to feel bad with me."
In reality, sex was never that great for me with the boy I lost my virginity to. I regret it every day. It left me feeling inadequate--like something must be terribly wrong with me. Because of this I still feel like my vagina is wrong and weird. Just as a note, I lost my virginity about 7 years ago--YES, I STILL feel like my body is messed up because sex wasn't good and fun like everyone said it was.
If I could, I would take it all back and would keep my virginity. I wish I wouldn't have made that mistake years ago. What's crazy is that I believed the whole "wait until you're in a long-term relationship with someone you love and loves you" bullcrap. Yeah, I waited and was with the guy for a year and a half or so and was STILL left, STILL heartbroken, and STILL empty. Sex did not add fun like so many people claim.
Instead of making meaningless sex-memories, I wish I would have made true fun memories with my past. There are so many things I wish I would have done with my youth then (which, hey, I'm still youthful but you know what I mean probably). I wish I would have actually connected with my partner, heck, I wish I would have had enough sense to find a good partner that wouldn't deceive me. I wish I spent time learning about someone instead of trying to make something meaningless into something exciting.
Yes, I know it's your body and your decision. I am only making you aware of a few things that you may have slightly overlooked. I am simply concerned for your well-being.
Sex is a major thing though and you should be picky about what you do and who you do it with. You should not be in a hurry to lose your virginity. It's a very scary activity (you're naked and vulnerable in MANY ways during sex) and we're all pressured to do it in some way.
If you have sex and something goes wrong then you will be scarred for the rest of your life. If things get out of hand, pregnancy occurs, you're hurt in some way, or you contract a STD from the activity you cannot take it back. You will have to carry that onto each and every partner you have after then.
Married couples simply do not have the problems that other sexual partners do. Also, giving your virginity to your partner on wedding night shows a huge amount of love--to save yourself for that special day, for that special person. Married couples never fear they're being used or will be left. They're able to open up and tell each other what they desire without fear. They know that if a pregnancy happens that they will get through it together with each other's support. They also aren't fearful of catching an STD from their partner because they know they're their only partner. Both partners tend to be fully satisfied because they're able to communicate well with each other and they're able to feel emotionally secure.
You risk STDs/STIs with each sexual contact. These can render you infertile and you won't be able to ever have children. If it doesn't do that, it could hide in you and you could end up spreading it to every partner you ever have without knowing it. Even at that, some STDs can deteriorate the brain and be so severe that they cause a long, painful death years later.
A lot of people have STDs/STIs and don't even know it. Many people don't show symptoms. Even if your best friend is a virgin too it doesn't mean he may not have something--babies can be born with STDs.
Along with the risk of sexually transmitted disease/infections is the risk of pregnancy. Having a child is a huge responsibility and NO "protection" is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy (or STDs, as a matter of fact). Having a child (or children in the case of twins) means being completely selfless. You have to support the child financially and emotionally. You have to tend to another human life every minute of yours.
For some shocking STD facts, check this out:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Here is also a link of photos of various STDs. Most of the photos are of males but there are a few female photos in there. Some are very scary. Don't worry about many photos popping up when you click the link, they're behind other links so you can choose which ones you might want to check out:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
It's even tougher if you don't have a life-long partner to help share that huge responsibility. What's even scarier about that is that men and women today are just up and leaving their children with their partners to handle the responsibility all alone. This means people need to be pickier on who they reproduce with and stop sleeping with any thing that crosses their path even if they claim to love them. Making children isn't hard, it's raising them that gets complicated.
One night of sex can result in creating another life or living with a disease the rest of yours. I know many people who lost their virginity and became pregnant (or had gotten the girl pregnant) the same night. They weren't emotionally ready to have children but they made one mistake and they now have a tough road ahead of them trying to make enough money and time for their child.
Here are some facts about how much a baby costs within the first year of life; you should really check it out just for future issues as the knowledge could come in very handy:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Even if you think that you can have an abortion if there happens to be a pregnancy, think about the consequences of that action even. Some women suffer major depression for many years after having an abortion. There are cases of women committing suicide years after having an abortion because they couldn't deal with what they had done. Some women become infertile and can no longer have any children. Some really good men refuse to be with a woman who has had an abortion. Throwing a life away because you wanted to have some fun should be an unacceptable option.
The media feeds us a bunch of stupidity now. We're told that if we use condoms or the pill that we won't get pregnant or have STDs. The media tells us that we should be having sex with as many people as possible to become popular, famous, attractive, and overall liked. The media says that if we love someone that we should have sex and prove this love with that is not at all what we should be doing. We're told that we should give into our urges and that everything will be alright since we can throw away the consequences.
You should really sit down with the person you choose to engage in sex with and discuss this matter. Look up some photos online together of what STDs have done to people's bodies. Discuss financial responsibility and emotional support you would have to provide if there happens to be a life created from the activity. Think of the POSSIBILITIES and make sure that you're truly ready to handle everything that can come from having sex.
You should not be in a rush to have sex. You have plenty of years ahead of you. Anyone can have sex. Lots of people have sex with each other every day and don't have the slightest bit of care for their sexual partner.
Here is a link about some things you should think about before engaging in sex. Even if you're dead set on losing your virginity, it's still really interesting to look at. The site really makes you think about things you overlooked before:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
...and here is a link about virginity too. It gives good examples of what they're talking about so you're able to understand them clearly:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
You sound like you're going through a rough time right now with your self-acceptance. Have fun being you. Be different and find real things to enjoy. Know that you are worth more than sex. Your virginity should be cherished. Your body is not a toy and you shouldn't lend it out for other people's enjoyment. Please reconsider putting yourself into this position.
Trust me, one night of sex can really screw you over, especially when it entails losing your virginity. You set yourself up for so many mental and physical hang-ups it's ridiculous. Please protect yourself from going through heart-ache and future sexual issues.
Sex is not what other people say, I promise you. You shouldn't rush into it because you want to have fun and "enjoy" your youth. Enjoy your youth in less-harming ways. Look back at your past and have MEMORIES of THINGS YOU DID with others and not faded-out, half-assed memories of meaningless sex.
Keep your virginity and be worth something extra-special to your husband/wife in the future.
I hope that I've helped you open your eyes to a couple of things and informed you of facts you may have overlooked.
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Well, for me personally, I'm just waiting for the right time and the right person. I'm not really waiting for marriage, but when I feel that I really love somebody and I'm really ready to have sex, I will.
I think you shouldn't think about when to lose your virginity until you are in a serious relationship with someone. I personally think that if you think about it too much you'll pressure yourself into doing it, or not doing it and then missing out on a completely different intimacy level with your partner. Trust your instincts. AND when you feel that the relationship is becoming more sexual, get yourself protected, make sure you or your partner are on the birth control pill, that you have a condom handy just in case. Get tested for STD's (you and your partner, whether both of you are virgins or not).
~Maria, 17
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As with all "Should I?" questions, nobody can answer for you. You need to make up your own mind for what will make you happiest.
Having that said, I must comment on the futility of trying to stay a virgin for it's own sake. Unless you plan on becoming a monk/nun, or have some sort of irrational date or time set for you to "lose it", your virginity shouldn't be something to worry about.
Dispite what society would have you believe, your virgin status (or lack thereof) isn't really all that important, and unless your first time is truamatic for some reason, you're still going to be the same person post-virginity as you were pre-virginity.
Of course, as a disclaimer, just because it's not that big of a big deal, don't go out and start having random sex or taking similar risks just because you can. That would be a stupid move.
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of you dont have a steady boyfriend there your in love with you shouldnt have sex. Losing your virginity isn't something you should have to think about if you want to or not.. you just have an instinct that your ready or not so if you have to think about it.. your probably are not ready, and you dont have to have sex to enjoy your life
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Losing your virginity is not the only mean of enjoying your life, you can enjoy it in any other way while still being a virgin, and losing it is not something that you plan or intentionally do to intentionally enjoy your life, it just happens, and you feel that your ready to do it, and its usually with the person you would really love and trust, and you'll do it then cause you'll really want to that it wouldn't matter to you that you wanna stay as a virgin, and your going to enjoy it alright.
So live your life and enjoy it, no one is stopping you, and when its time for you to lose your virginity, you'll know and you'll do it and its gonna be okay. But don't think about it or plan it or let it bother you at all, that's not something to be planned there.
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Look at it this way. You have PLENTY of time for sex. You can still enjoy your life fully without it (until you find the right person you want to lose your virginity to, that is).
It's normal for you to want to lose it, but remember, once it's gone, it's gone. So many people just want to get it out the way and don't really care who with and don't make the effort to make it special. You, on the other hand, still have time to find that someone and make it a time to remember.
Good on you.
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