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Long Lost Dad
Okay i feel weird asking this but none of my friends can help so heres the sitch....
I am almost 16 * 2 months and six days* My real dad left when i was 3 and i havent had contact with him or his family since, now affter 13 years his mom * my grandma i guess* finds me on myspace and wants to be my friend and wants me to call her and stuff. I kinda want to but i dont know if i should since they didnt want to be part of my life for so long. SO yeah what would you do if you were me???
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Heck yeah, I'd talk to her! What have you got to lose? She obvioulsy cares about you, since she made the effort to track you down. Okay, so it took 13 years, but so what? What's done is done. You can't change the past... but you can control your future, and having her in it might be a nice thing. Who knows, you could end up becoming very close. At the very least, you'll have some connection to a part of your life that you've probably always wondered about.
I know that part of you might feel like "punishing" her for all the time that she wasn't a part of your life. But would that really accomplish anything, or enrich your life in any way? Probably not. There's nothing to be gained by holding a grudge, but there could be a lot to gain by opening up to her efforts to start a relationship.
I definitely think you should talk to her! Just take it one day at a time and see how things go. Whatever happens, I really doubt you'll regret talking to her. But you almost certainly WILL regret it, at some point, if you don't. She won't be around forever, and once she's gone, you might really wish you'd taken the chance to get to know her.
Good luck!
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Everyone has a story. I think you should
hear them out. Not for them but for you.
It probably won't have a happy ending,
but, if you don't you will always wonder.
So listen to what she has to say. Don't
be rude, if you don't like her, you don't
have to have a close relationship or
anything. There are always at LEAST two
sides to every story.
Good luck with it. :)
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I was about 6 when my parents split, I was about ten when she remarried, I think I saw my father about twice in all that time. After my mother remarried, I saw him once, then she struck up a deal with him. If he stopped seeing my brother and me, he didn't have to pay child support, (which legally, she had no right to do). He sold me and my brother to my mom for 100 dollars a month each.
Fast forward a bit over 13 years; I'm married, my wife is pregnant with my first child and I'm living in the same city as my real father. I have gotten in touch with him and his side of the story is, "I have seen how confusing it is for young children with step parents and I felt it was best to stay away.
My daughter is now 24 if memory serves and I haven't seen or heard from him since shortly after her birth. He didn't want to have any responsibility for me then, he still doesn't now.
I think it is a fair question to ask of your Grandmother, Why, why now? Is she feeling her mortality and wanting someone to testify before her god how nice she was to stretch out her hand to you? Personally, like my situation, I think we're looking at a too little too late thing here.
What you will get from those who left their beautiful baby behind so long ago, will be excuses at best. They will not make you whole, they will not answer the questions of your life. Odds are, they will make you feel more empty inside then before rediscovering them. If they knew where you were throughout your childhood and made no attempt to see you, talk to you, or do so much as send you a birthday present, tell me, what makes you even entertain the thought of getting to know these people now?
I think that gives you a good idea of what I would do now, but it also says what I did then. I'm sure you will most likely be stupid like I was and go with the romantic happy ending crap, only to find out there isn't one.
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I haven't seen my father since I was 8 yrs old. When I was younger, I used to hate him, and at that time of my life, I probably wouldn't want to talk to him or anyone else from his family because of the cruel way they treated my mom. Since then, I have released my anger and resentment, and instead feel curious about why he acted the way he did. Was he just too young and immature? The only one to decide to talk to your paternal grandmother is you. Keep in mind that just because your father may be a jerk (not saying he is, but it's possibly...) doesn't mean the rest of his family is. Basically, if you think talking to your grandmother will give you closure for the years of hurt they caused by not being part of your life, and want a reason for the lack of contact, then go ahead and contact her. It can't hurt. But if you feel too uncomfortable and too much resentment, then you don't have to talk to her. You have a rare opportunity to get answers for their past behavior. Don't squander it. Choose wisely.
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you should know your own real birth father! :] i would!
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