|
Crazy situation/affair at work- need help asap!
OK- here's my story:
I am blessed to have the greatest job in the world. My grandfather was an acclaimed prof. photographer- the best man I've ever known. He passed away, that was the worst pain I've ever felt. I salvaged my life (from partying & getting into trouble- I'm now only 21) and decided to follow in his footsteps. I work for an amazing portrait studio, where all of my dreams are coming true. I've worked here for almost 4 years now. It all started when I began taking photography classes that were given by the owner & chief, master photographer & CEO. (This company has 4 seperate locations, it's kind of a big deal, the most prominant & well known studio in the state, can you tell that I feel important to be a part of it much? lol) Well, now that I think about it, it started when I had been here for maybe 2 years. The owner would make little comments here & there, I ate it up though, I loved the attention. He's 62 years old & I admire him in the same respect that I admire my grandfather- there's only two people I hold in that light, him & my grandfather. I called a psychic when I was struggling & the psychic told me that my grandfather wanted me to know that there's someone in my career around the same age as him that is my guiding light, & for me to go to him when I wanted to give up. This was a sign I thought for sure, so I told the owner about it, & he proceeded to tell me how much he cared about me, & he was making it his duty to see me succeed. So now, after photo class one night he calls me into his office. We chat about life for a minute (he decides to tell me how unhappy he is in his marriage, & I proceed to do the same & complain about my engagement- yes- that's the kicker- I'm engaged!) He tells me he wants me to model for him semi-topless, & he tells me he doesn't trust himself because he is extremely attracted to me, & tells me to stop him if he makes me uncomfortable. So I agree (I know, I know, but I've always liked way older men & the thought of turning him on, turned me on I can't lie.) So the next week I go to class knowing what's going on after hours. Everyone leaves, we start the shoot- he makes the move & I took it, hook line & sinker- kissing nothing else. That was a confusing time for me, sorting out exactly how I felt (Is it because I admire & respect him so much? Why am I so turned on by this?) So things snowballed & we both have fallen in love with each other- I can't lie- I am 21 years old, in love with the 62 year old owner of the company! He sees me for who I am, he makes me feel so special & he says things to me that I have been waiting to hear all of my life & he means them. He is a wonderful man who sees the drive in me, & he is pushing me to better myself, & making it his own business to see me succeed. He has told me more than once if I ever wanted it to end he'd be upset but he would never treat me different, he feels selfish because he is so much older than me & knows I deserve better, he just hopes I find someone that treats me better than my fiance. Here's the kicker- I just moved to another one of his studios- the one ran by his son. His son is 32, attractive, charismatic & we get along really well. From the moment I came here I had feelings for him. (I came here before the affair started) When the owner kissed me that's the first thing I thought of, what would his son think? And I've been battling myself as to whether or not I should've told him from the start that I had feelings for his son. I know he see's the chemistry between us, everyone does. His son has a girlfriend but flirts with me nonstop, & the owner has told me he's had dreams that me & his son end up together. He's also said "I hope Jason (his son) finds someone better than his girlfriend, but I hope it's not you." So I know he has some apprehensions about this. Jason & I are also both unhappy in our relationships- & he is realistically someone I could see myself being with, for one he's much closer in age. Like I said, I've had feelings for him before the affair started with his father. Oh here's something really exciting I can't leave out: The owner & I are in his office one day after hours, getting busy if you know what I mean. The doors are locked & we're going at it.....the door downstairs slams! We scramble to put our clothes on- there's a knock at the door- the owner stutters "just a second!" opens the door- it's jason! Unreal right? I'm hoping he won't be suspicious. Of cousre the next time me & him are alone he starts making wise cracks about the door being locked & so on- we always joke inappropriatley with each other so I acted like he was crazy & told him he just wished I was in his office with the door locked lol So....what do I do? Do I tell his father how I feel? Am I crazy for being in this love triangle? I would really love an outsiders opinion on my whole situation here....even my mother is at a loss for words- I mean I can't blame her this is kind of crazy. Please help Thers's so much more I could tell but I think you get the basic idea. Ugh- help please- this is mentally draining!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Work/School Relationships?
hey,
wow my jaw just kept on dropping as i read this story! And it's hard to believe this is all true. Ok where do i start?! So, you originally had feelings for Jason in the very beginning..but your feelings were stronger for his father. I personally think you should end it with his dad/boss. Just think, he's 41 years older than you and by the time your 41 he'll be 82 yrs. old. Age isn't anything but a number, but when you get over that limit it is. And it isn't your fault you fell for his dad. Love comes at any time and when it hits, it hits hard! But, it's good to know that he cares about you pursuing your career and goals. So i think you should break it to him nicely. As for Jason, he seems like a nice guy, and how ironic you two are in the same situation. I think you should give him a chance, but of course...let's not forget you have a fiance. Do you still love him?! or do you just think you don't kove him because of all that has happened within the work place?! I think you should think about that.Please, if you have any more questions don't hesitate to write to me!!!
HOPE I HELPED
***HERSHI KISSES HUGS AND KISSES***
]
The reason this is mentally draining is that you are being mentally, sexually and emotionally played.
The physic took your mental guard down and prepared you to trust this man completely and not look too closely.
Lets take a close, rational look.
You were open with him about your belief in the prediction. He accepted your faith, but rather then firming up his support to you too succeed as a photographer; he suggests you become his subject.
He asked you to pose semi-nude, flattered you and warned of his lust. Then he made it YOUR job to STOP HIM. It is never your job to stop a superior and elder from doing something they KNOW is not appropriate.
Don't kid yourself. He wasn't *worried* about resisting his attraction to you. He was HUNTING you, and you are right, you took the bait hook, line and sinker.
And here is the sinker: He gets to have fun in the later days of his career with a young thing you adores him and you are sleeping with a married man who is, in your own words, a big-deal in the industry. Your reputation is on the line, when this gets out, you will have committed professional suicide. Your peers will gossip and whisper behind your back. It might be years before anyone takes you seriously.
Is that what your grandfather would have wanted for you? For you to compromise your dreams for a man who can't offer you anything but sex and some kindness (remember, this man has had a lot more practice then guys your age on saying the right things... it's no wonder he makes you feel good, but his actions don't speak of 'love'.) Somehow, I doubt this is this man or situation was sent by someone who loved you.
End it, before he leaves you with nothing but a broken heart and a few steamy memories, at best. Because this older man is going to leave you. He has already paved his escape route with words like "I'm selfish because I'm so much older and you deserve better!" When he breaks your heart, he'll do with a great deal of sympathy and charm. He will claim he is doing it for your own good.
But he isn't really interested in what is good for you. He is gambling with your career by engaging in this affair with you. He isn't helping you out of your poor engagement or helping you function as an independent adult. He is only helping himself too your body. He is only keeping you dependant and worshiping him, in precisely the way he wants you too.
I'm not even going to touch on the subject of his son, or your fiance. Please, just get some counseling. You have some pretty warped ideas about what love is, and where to look for it. Straighten yourself out before you get married, or jump into another affair.
]
ok ya wow. interesting situation.
ok first r u still engaged?!?! cause you NEED to tell your fiancee because he deserves to know. and you need to break it off with the older guy and dont do anything with Jason. i think you need to just STOP, go on a break without any men, and really think about what you did and mostly WHY. you can get back together with the old guy or find a new guy but you need to sit down with yourself and decide why you did that and what you truly want. the point of dating is to meet the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. and you should only do things with a guy your dating.
did you just like how he makes you feel special and happy? if so great but dont just keep getting together with him and ruining other peoples lives (your fiancee, the guy's son, etc) just to feel good. and you need to seriously think about if you want to be with someone who son is in your age group. like i said the point of dating is to eventually marry. would you want to become that sons mother? wouldnt that be a bit weird?
just really take some time to think things over and what i would do is write down want you want in your future husband and what your limits are (like no affairs or liking a guy and his son) and figure things out. your very confused and in a bad situation right now and it could mess up the lives of many people and that isnt fair to them. straighten things out with yourself then you can find a guy. you have to be ok with yourself before you can be ok with a guy and you have to have a good relationship with yourself before getting into a good, smart, solid intimate relationship with a man.
i hope i helped :)
HiChick
*~*~*EDIT*~*~*
ok so hes married still, right? well that shows hes not faithful and just make sure to REEEALLY consider if you want to see him further like in a serious relationship) and think about how his wife must feel and what if you were her. first off he wanted to start something with you thats so obvious because he asked you to pose half undressed and TOLD u he was attracted to you (WAAY obvious) and he wanted to have a fun thing with a pretty young woman. yes, he probably does care about you buut still think about it. he was willing to cheat on his wife so he could easily cheat on youu. hope i helped and best of luck
]
Wow.
Firstly, I want you to know that you should not feel wrong or guilty or disgusting in any way for having feelings for the owner and vice versa. What you really have to deal with here is the affair. You're engaged, he's married, you like his son too... I'd advise you to break off your engagement. It can't end well if you're doing things like this. And this could also ruin the owner's life if his wife found out, and possibly your future. Speaking logically of course, I'd advise you to break things off with the owner, but gently, and hopefully he'll continue to support you and your future looks bright. As for Jason, I don't advise looking to be with him, as it may cause things between you and his father to be bitter and if he finds out about it...
Of course, this is all head-talk. If your heart wants either of these men, follow it, but please try not to hurt anybody, including yourself, and your future.
]
More Questions: |