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Is this worth holding on to?
Hello all!
I met a wonderful man and have been dating him for quite some time. He is everything I feel women can ask of a man. Among other things he’s sweet, attentive, family oriented and even cooks and cleans (and better than me).
Well, he sat down with me to talk and told me how much he cared for and wanted to be with me and how he liked things to take a step forward. He then gave me keys to his apt, which I didn't accept. He also said that (at that moment) it would be a good time to share with me this bomb shell... Since he knew he wanted to continue seeing me and wants things to get more serious, he felt he should "come clean".
He married an ex-girlfriend of his for papers (naturalization). The process will take about another year or so. He hasn't been with this girl for some time now and she is also, currently dating someone. What do I do? I value marriage so strongly and he is most certainly a very strong candidate for it. I'd marry him in a heartbeat, but I feel so lost. Am I over-reacting for feeling so ANGRY? Do I continue seeing him despite this? Will I forever hold resentment because of this if I choose to go on?
He is so concerned with my thoughts on this, but I honestly don’t know what to think and even less what to do? Any insight will be appreciated.
Thanks!
F/26
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From what you're saying, he's a keeper. It seems as if they've both moved on and there's nothing between them anymore. You're very lucky to have a guy who would be honest with you and tell you this. It's completely normal to be angry and upset over this, but I really think he's a good guy. keep me updated! (: -<3- ntk.
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You need some more time to think and process what he has told you.
What he is doing might have be illegal (deportation could certainly put a damper on your relationship eh?) and also it was clearly agianst your values, but the only one who can decide if this is a dealbreaker or not is you.
I would encourage you to cool the relationship down a bit as you consider it. Write down the questions you have for him about this and expect responses. You don't have to like, or agree with all his responses and values, but you do need to know what they are and find out if you can live with them.
Give this otherwise wonderful man a chance to explain himself and listen very carefully. Only when you have heard what he has said (and not what you simply hope he would say) and are clear on your own wants, can you figure out if this is a sustainable relationship or not.
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it would really upset me too but did he marry her because he wanted to or just because he needed papers? if he wanted to commit to her and then didnt then there is a problem. if it was only for papers then talk to him and think it over and it will take some time for you to accept it and get over it but i think you should stay with him. hope i helped
HiChick
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Feeling angry or upset is normal. No one like to hear that the guy she is with is technically married to his ex. However, he had a good reason to do it and he was honest with you. She has moved on. It is just a paper thing. Everything else you said leads me to believe that it won't ever be anything more. I would stick with him. You are very lucky to have an honest man who is good to you and shares your values.
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