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My Dad Hates Me.
So, I don't actually believe my Father hates me, but he's deffinetly not like he usto be. He says I've grown up to be a bitch, and all this stuff and he's always accusing me of things I didn't do. He's accused me of stolen beer, messing with the thermostat and missing packs of ciggerettes- when I have two other older brothers who smoke, and drink! I'm 14, I don't drink, I dont smoke, I don't steal I don't anything and my Dad always yells at me. When I ask him for political help for my homework like the war in Iraq, and Isreal and Arabs he yells at me for being soo stupid I don't know, well that's why I go to him! So he can shead some light on the situation and explain things to me. I dont know why he always yells at me. Last year he had a heart attack and hasnt quit anything that would help him- so yehh I usto be horrible with that yelling at him all the time, and just being horrible. ive stopped swearing at him, but he doesnt give me anything to work with. I want him to be there, but he doesn't wanna be. I cook dinner for him, and he always complains that its cold or something and I always say "Well it didnt stop you from eating it" or " If it was so unbareable you couldve heated it in the microwave it's why we have one!" So I know thats being rude, but come one I cook WAY better then my Mother he should be happy! I want him to be, I want him to stop yelling at me all the time, I want him to care about my school day and be there for me. But he's not. He never will be- It's not fair that my brothers do all this stuff and he doesnt do anyything but I forget to start the dish washer and he'll hold it over my head for like years... I am crying right now because it's so hard living here, and putting up with him. I dont know why he doesnt love me enough to quit smoking and I dont know why he doesn't want to walk me down the ile with I get marride. I cant explain why he's always angry with me! Never his sons because they could get arrested and he wont care. And you can say he expects more from me, or whatever. But I wont buy that. If he really truly cared he'd wanna be here and hed want to hear about my day and tell me he loves me but he hasn't. maybe in 3 months..
He hasnt told me he loved me, or that he appreciates me in anyway. And I cant talk to him about it because he wont listen..
I dont know what I did to make him be like this, but I wanna fix it. So he wont be like this.
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whoa.
I dont think that you should be blameing yourself at all here.
The way your father is acting doesnt actually mean that you have done something wrong.
Parents, although we all think that parents are perfect, and will never put a foot wrong, they are human and can cause as much pain as another person can.
I personally have nothing to do with either of my parents, because of the past pain they have brought into my life.
I understand this frustration you must be feeling, and the fact that you dont understand what your doing wrong,but as Ive said, just because your father is acting in this way does not mean you have done anything wrong.
You say you cant talk to your dad about it, but what about your mum ?
Couldent you write him a letter, or txt him or even email him, telling him how you feel, and say you feel unloved, tell him.
He should be aware about how his child is feeling.
On the whole smoking side of things, as a smoker, I can tell you it is one of the most hardest things to try and give up, and this honnestly has nothing to do with you, he should be giving it up for his own health, which in the long run does concern you having your father around.
Maybe your father is dealing with something,and this is why his acting this way towards you.
And maybe its because your the youngest, and to be honnest most teenagers (not all)do start to try drink and smokeing and drugs etc etc etc, and this might be why your father insatntly thinks of you, rather than your older brothers, because 14-18 is normally the ages of experiment.
Whatever the reasons your father is acting like this, its wrong that you are feeling this way.
My honnest advice would to write your feelings down and tell him,if he wout read a letter, txt him, he cant ignore a short blunt txt or even talk to your mum or brothers about it.
I hope this helps somewhat..
Moonshine x
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STOP RIGHT THERE. This isn't your fault, you didn't do anything to him which would make him like this. I believe that he's got personal problems which he needs to sort out by himself.
Think back, when did this all begin: was it right after the heart attack? Could it be that he recieved some bad news which he doesn't want to share? Or could be that he doesn't want you to turn into your brothers. Or maybe it is the anger about seeing your brothers turning into who they've become and he doesn't know how to deal with the anger. I don't really know what is causing this anger, there are loads of possibilities which could be causing, these where just possibilities.
Do you think that you could talk to your mum to talk to him because this shouldn't be affecting you, or he should be taking him anger out on you. Your mum should be able to find out what it is and then help him to deal with it.
Relax and calm yourself. Take deep breaths and let all of your worries and woes escape through those breaths, relax your muscles in you face, your arms etc mentally and feel all that tension leave you. Forget what has happened in the past, focus upon how you'll deal with it in the future. What's happened has happened.
Any further help you want, feel free to pop the question into my inbox.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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I can't honestly give you the best advice but i saw your question and that you need help so i'll give you that. You can't blame yourself, it's not your fault at all. You just need to calm down and try thinking about it and mabe your'll come up with something else to try.. Mabe you should talk to your brothers..? Your mom..? or even talk to some of your friends at school or one of teh teachers you liek at school that are good with advice. the best thing is to talk to people about it and espessialy talk to your dad. There wont be a relationship unless you talk to him. I know he shouts but mabe your asking the wrong questions that are making him react in the way he does. I think you could try not to cook dinner all the time unless you ABSOLUTLY HAVE TO, becuase if he's always complaining then why doesn't he do it himself? [mabe you should ask him that when you next cook..?] You should probably ty and hang out with your friends more and see what they say and try be away form the house unless your doing homework, but you could ask your friends if you could go to one of their house's and do homework together..? I'm just trying to think of things that you could try and do and mabe it'll work. Mabe stay away from him sometimes.. mabe talk to hmi sometimes.. but don't be affraid. Confedence and Talking are key to a healthy relationship.
I hope i helped a little bit and Good Luck for teh future. Come talk to me if you have anymore problme reguarding this same subject. xXx
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You said, "I don't know what I did to make him be like this, but I wanna fix it. So he wont be like this." It's not your fault, it's his and no one can fix the way he treats you but him. I'd highly recommend counseling for yourself. If you have to, talk to the school's counselor or tell your principal (it's all confidential.)Not because you have a problem but so you can better cope with your environment. Sound to me you dad is bitter towards women in general. I'm willing to bet your mother has had some issues and disagreements with him. Speak of which, have you talked to her? Some men get an idea in their head's how women are supposed to act and when they don't act accordingly, whether they are a family member or not, tend to abuse verbally AKA mentally or in some extreme cases, physically. I hope it turns out for the best for you.
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