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Ireland <<< Previous Question
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Fighting


Question Posted Tuesday February 19 2008, 3:31 am

13/f

My family is always arguing and yelling. Once my parents were fighting and my dad almost left, I was in my room crying. But of course I think everybody would be. Well then they worked it out and he stayed but lately they have started fighting again and then my little 11 year old brother is getting in trouble everyday. Which makes my mom always yelling at him and then sometimes things come in with me and I start yelling because everybody else is. I hate it! I have cryed every single night that I can remember. I have cut myself once but not badly. I also promised myself I would never do it again. So that isn't much of my problem. I have tried talking to them about it but they are never happy and they never want to talk to me. I know for a fact they love me though. I try to get away from home as much as possible too. Also if no one is fighting then they are complaining. I hardly ever yell, I just stay in my room and try to block it all out or call my friends or go online or something. There is no abuse or anything so its good there. So if anyone can give me advice on what to do, thanks so much! And sorry it was long.


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Ugo answered Wednesday February 20 2008, 12:37 pm:
You know, if members of your family choose to yell and scream at each other, that does not mean you should do the same. It sounds like you feel you should be controlling the situation and preventing everyone from fighting. It’s not your fault that your parents have problems in their marriage and it’s also not your fault that your younger brother has been getting into trouble. At the end of the day all you can do is to calmly say what’s on your mind, preferably after the fighting is over and accept the fact that you can’t change your family. I am glad to read that you have stopped cutting, please if the urge ever resurfaces; I suggest you see a therapist. You are only responsible for your own words and actions, the best you can do is recognize and accept what you can’t control and hope for the best.

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chloe001 answered Wednesday February 20 2008, 9:10 am:
Your parents are obviously having issues at the moment. I can understand the hell it is to live with fighting parents. Ive been through it too.
Its not your fault and its not your responsibility to fix their problems. However, you and your brother shouldn't be suffering like you are. They are the adults and should put you first, but unfortunately when people are stressed sometimes they forget that.
I can understand that you want to be out of the house as much as possible. Just be careful where you go and what you do to forget. Try not to get into trouble and to create even more problems for yourself.
Try to open up to other family members like granparents, aunties, uncles and maybe even older cousins if you have any. Family members will understand and will make your parents see what they are doing to you.
Living with a close family member that you trust for a while might even diffuse the situation.
Maybe you could even write a letter to your mom and dad telling them exactly how you feel. Tell them about everything. Maybe that will wake them up.
Maybe in the letter you could even suggest family therapy. Or maybe even therapy for you and your brother only if they don't want to go. Your brothers acting up shows his distress - its a sign of pent up anger. Try to talk to your brother as well. Take care of eachother. You need eachother more than ever now.
If nobody listens to you I suggest talking to a school counsellor. They will be able to guide you as well.
Remember that talking is the best thing to do at this point. It is hard to keep all this pain inside your heart. You are a good person and dont deserve this.
Please remember that this will pass. Just try to keep yourself and your brother as happy and healthy as you can till it does.
Take care.

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triquetra answered Wednesday February 20 2008, 8:46 am:
It is clear to me that your parents have got some unresovled issues which they haven't worked through.
You need to make it known to them that this is horrible for you to grow up with. Sit them down and tell them that all this fighting is hurting you a lot and you wish that they'd stop fighting.
They need to talk out their issues in a calm and adult way and see where that takes you. They need to work it out as one, not as two people talking. For that is the only way that they will get through this difficult period in their lives.

Good luck with the future,
triquetra

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asknava answered Wednesday February 20 2008, 3:27 am:
This is an awkward situation cause you can't like leave cause you are too young. There is a book called the secret. It is by Rhonda Byrne. Very popular, it has been on the best sellers list for like ever...you can go to Borders or Barnes and Nobles and read it for free or you can get the DVD if you don't like reading. I strongly suggest that you focus on the part about imporving relationships. You cannot change your parents, but you can put your self in a better vibration so that you are only around them when they are happy. This is what I have been doing with my mom and with time and practice it is working very well. She used to fuss all the time and me and yell at me and call me names and blame me for stuff...now we are happy, peaceful, when she get's upset i can let it go better. She is doing things for me with a nice heart. I really think you should check it out. Peace.
Also:
kahea2018@yahoo.com is my e-mail address. I used to suffer from really bad depression and cut my self too. So if you need advice hit me up very freeely ok. No matter what...there is nothing stupid that you could say to me or ask me, all things are welcome. If there is no one else that you can talk to please talk to me ok...I will respond as soon as I get the e-mail. Peace.

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piglet34 answered Wednesday February 20 2008, 3:26 am:
the same thing also happened to me
i dont know if this is making it worse but my parents got divorced
im not emo but sometimes i cut myself too
they blame everyhting on me but you have to know
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT
sorry if that was a little personal
you should try talking to your parents again
and try talking your little brother into trying to be better and i wish you the best of luck,
hope i helped
HANNAH

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