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Best friend has unresolved issues with me
I am 34/F. My best friend/cousin told me the other day that she has contemplated not being friends with me anymore because of things I say to her, i.e., I told her I wasn't going to an event because it was boring, and she was offended because it is part of her family tradition and her parents plan it every year. (I had no idea her parents planned it. It is a city-sponsored event.) She also said that when I was little, my mom would talk crap about her family and I would repeat it to them. I don't doubt that this is true, but it happened when I was a kid so I can't remember anything that was said, and neither can my cousin. She just remembers it happening. I teasingly called her a "hoverer," and she was offended because she has heard me in the past say that others were hoverers and it was negative.
I am upset that she has contemplated not being my friend anymore and also that she seems to be overly sensitive. I actually watch what I say around her because I know she is overly sensitive to begin with, I just didn't realize how much. I have not spoken with her since she told me all this. What should I do/say?
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I think a really close friendship is worth a really good close talk. Its really hard in life to find good friends and a friendship is a relationship. It has ups and downs. I am a very sensitive person myself but I appreciate when someone explains why they say what they say. It gives me a new perspective on the situation. Hope this helps.
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Who, at this age, says "I don't want to be friends anymore"? If she doesn't want to be friends, then you are lucky you don't have to walk on eggshells for a cry-baby. None of my friends are sensitive nor watch what they say around FRIENDS. Besides, how long ago were you "little"? She needs to get over it before she has grown friends.
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Hmmm...
If it were me, I would apologize for things you've said that she took as hurtful. Not for things you allegedly said as a child.
As for the childhood happenings, I would remind her that you were repeating what you heard, not expressing your personal thoughts.
Your cousin really needs to realize that a true friend doesn't make it so her friend has to pick and choose her words wisely. Just because you say something that can be construed and negative doesn't mean you meant it negatively towards her.
Maybe she is over protective of her kids? Remind her that being that way doesn't make her a bad parent. Especially when so many kids aren't lucky enough to have a parent who cares what they do.
I'd tell her that you understand she's sensitive on certain issues, but when you say something that she feels is rude, that your intention wasn't to be rude.
ygs-29/f
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I realize that i'm only nineteen and might not bring much knowledge to your questions but i'm willing to try,
from what you've already told me about your friend i agree that she seems very sensitive. and it also seems that she is being a little immature. i mean- okay you said something in the past that she brought up and never brought to your attention before correct? well, why now? why does she all of a sudden feel the need to tell you after all this time what you said bothered her? it just doesn't make sense. and i'm sure that she does things to annoy you, and you aren't putting them in her face. she is just being selfish i think and not understanding. atleast you were being honest when you said that event would be boring. she might of thought that she just wanted you there because you're someone she cares about. and if it means that much to her then you should just go. maybe try apologizing to her that you offended her- clearly it wasn't intentional; and tell her that you meant nothing negative when you said she was a hoverer, just pointing out a fact. she needs to be more understanding of your thoughts and feelings too. i tried to shed some light on the matter..
good luck and godbless. :)
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well i think you should call your cuzin and talk to her about tell her how you feel and tell her your sorry just be complet honest with her and your self
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