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Schizophrenia?
i think i might be Schizophrenic. Sometimes when i see something like a kitten, i cant help but to think "kill it!" or stupid stuff. it goes a lot worser then that like, stuff i dont actually feel, but i cant help to think about it. then i try and get rid of the thought but i cant. eventually it will go but it keeps popping into my mind. like my mind keeps thinking it, but i dont want to. like really sick thoughts. also, since a a few years ago, i develop stupid habits like shaking my head, heavy breathes, twitching. if i dont do these things sometimes, its like the feeling you get when you hold your breath for about 5 seconds, you just have to breath, or in my case, twitch etc. Sometimes i can go without doing it, when i dont think about it, but when i do, i have to do it.
Also, sometimes i hear stuff, like high frequency beeps, while im in bed. i normally cant get to bed and lie there for an hour before i do, and during that time is when i hear it.
im just wonderin, is it Schizophrenia? or anything else?
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I'm not sure about the noises or weird thoughts, but the urge to do things like twitch or shake your head sounds like a form of OCD.
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It doesn't sounds like schizophrenia, at all. What you are describing would not fall into even the mildest forms of schizophrenia.
But I'm not a doctor. As far as I know, no one here is. If you concerned, see a doctor. Even your family doctor can give you some guidance and help you decide if what you are experiencing is within the range of normal and healthy. If I were a gambling girl, I would bet it is.
We all have dark, fatalistic thoughts and it's certainly not the least bit abnormal for a teenage boy to have obsessive and even twisted thoughts about sex. Not only are your hormones in overdrive, your curiosity will never be so intense again.
If nothing else, speaking with a doctor or counselor will give you some tools to use to combat these thoughts and behaviors. They can likely be defeated by force of will, you simply don't know how. We aren't born knowing how to keep our minds healthy the way we are born knowing to eat when we are hungry.
(Oh, and the noises are completely normal. Even hearing a rush of voices before sleep can be considered normal. Remember that the ear also hosts the balance centers of the body. When you are lying down, and tired, it’s very very normal for the ear to get signals confused. Like children who see monsters in shadows, sounds before sleep should not be taken seriously unless they are extremely persistent or painful.)
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It could be, but lets not pessimistic now. You could just be having dark thoughts just because. I mean, everyone gets these thoughts sometimes. Shaking your head can be involuntary denial, as in sub consciously, your mind is trying to deny something... The deep breathes could be a result from the thoughts, and when you notice them, you get nervous or your brain is using a lot of oxygen by developing those thoughts. So your deep breathes are to get back that oxygen. Twitching is muscle spasms from result of low oxygen. So again, the deep breathes are to try to get back the oxygen. And the beeps you hear at night are normal. Its just your ears are use to loud noise, but when you go to bed, you no longer hear those noises, so your ears are trying to adjust.
If those thoughts of your seriously bother you, and you cant find an alternative activity to put them off, I would suggest writing down these thoughts as they occur and show them to a doctor or school counselor. That is, unless your worried they'll send you to an insane facility. Then try to cope it by yourself. I dont suggest pain, but it might keep your head straight if the thoughts get too bad. And by pain, I mean pinch or bite of the tongue, nothing too serious, just enough to jump start your system. Try doing this especially if you get the sexual thoughts or exremely violent ones. Those are most likely to get to you and make you break out in violence and other unwanted events.
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I seriously doubt that you are a schizo. First of all, I understand completely how you feel. I will be sitting there talking to someone I really don't know that well, and think I want to kick her/him. Is this normal, probably not, but I still think it. My husband says it's an aggression problem. So, maybe it's the same for you. If you feel the urge to hurt someone and think you are going to act upon that instinct, then by all means get help. About the beeping, could it be something in your environment? Maybe there is something beeping and your auditory skills are extremely heightened when all else is quiet. Good Luck with your problem and hopefully all will work itself out.
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This may be related to a certain extent to puberty, but I wouldn't bet on it. Schizophrenia is a degenerative brain disease, and it is treatable. If you're having auditory hallucinations and getting obsessive/compulsive behaviors, your best bet would be to talk to your parents and your doctor for an assessment. It's best to catch these things early.
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