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humorist-workshop
is he worth it
16/f
i know this kid who's really sweet. he's skater and he smokes cigarettes and pot and he drinks like every weekend. he's really nice to me and makes an effort to talk to me even if it's about something stupid. for example, if he was absent he'll ask me what we did in class even though i know he doesn't care what we did. he says he's going to try to stop smoking pot but he hasn't done it yet. personally i don't like smokers. i don't want to "kiss an ashtray" but he is really sweet and i heard he might like me from a friend of his. so do i make an effort and forget about the bad things and just have a relationship with him or is it just too many bad things to ignore?
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It's all about what YOU feel comfortable with. Smoking cigarettes and pot and drinking every weekend may not be a problem to some (it is pretty common at 16), however if it is going to be a problem to you, you shouldn't ignore this because to others it wouldn't be a big deal. If this is his lifestyle, he probably won't change it for you. You can't expect him to; this only puts strain on the relationship, and will likely be frustrating for the both of you.
Just because he may like you, and you may like him, does not mean that you should act on it. Not in any case! If it bugs you that he has different values than you do, or if the things you normally do to hang out are radically different, it is perfectly okay to distance yourself from that person. It isn't being a prude; it's being smart, and avoiding future frustration for the both of you. Being different in these ways may cause you to disdain him, consciously or unconsciously, and it may be harder for you to be able to fit into his life if his main social activity is drinking and getting high.
Look at him honestly and decide if he is worth it, to you. I can't be the one to tell you what you are willing to "put up" with, but as someone giving the advice, I'd say to wait for someone that won't make you doubt them and won't make you uneasy about whether or not you can agree with their behavior. You are so much more worth it.
Oh, and as a side note. If he convinces you to go out with him by promising to give up all his bad habits (and this ends up being what wins you over), wait till he is totally clean and sober first.
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continue talking to him
be friends with him when your close to him
then you help him stop drinkin and stuff
hope i helped
ICEM
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The others are right about it not making him a bad person, but if he drinks and smokes pot that gives him a lot of chances to be high or drunk and hurt you. He could physically abuse you or emotionally hurt you. I dont think its good for you or very safe for you to be with him unless he stops. Drinking a bit socially is ok but getting drunk is NOT cool. Kissing an ashtray is disgusting and if you tell how you feel about his habits maybe he will stop. Like they said if he stops for you he's good, but those things can be hard to stop and he may lie and do them again. Just be careful because honestly I wouldnt even get involved. it sounds like to much pain and chances to get hurt to me. And what happens if you are driving with him and hes drunk and crashes and your severley injured? Or he wil probably ask you to smoke pot with him and say you dont care about if you dont. Or what if he kills himself or hurts himself? Hope I helped :)
PS i just remembered somthing funny. haha
Be Above the Influence hehe :D
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I don't think those are good things but they don't make him bad. see where this thing goes then if he tries to be with you, tell him that you won't kiss an ashtray. he's worth it if he tries to stop... like makes an honest effort. if he doesn't, there's your answer.
sometimes it hard to tell... some people can quit everything and relationships change them, at least temporarily but then there's also marriages that don't work because of alcoholism so you never know. it's worth a shot. <3
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I agree that I wouldn't kiss an ashtray either. Perhaps he might be willing to stop smoking altogether in exchange for a kiss someday? As for the drinking, if he doesn't slow down or stop, he will suffer eventually. If you really would like a relationship with him, do some research into alcoholism and give it to him to read through before going out with him.
However, just a word of warning, please take things very slowly and leave at the first sign of trouble if you do go out with him. Good luck.
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drinking and smoking doesnt make him bad... but in the end it might cause a lot of pain and trouble. its your decision, personally i would encourage him to not smoke and drink, but still give him a chance.
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