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Should I Trust Her?
I am 16/m/uk..
My girlfriend of 15 months i have found out has lied to me again about the same thing..
When we first started going out and throughout our relationship i have tried very hard to get her to stop smoking.. there were various points where i was sure she had stopped but it turned out that she had done it a few times behind my back and tried to cover it up but i found out..
She is currently on holiday and my close friend has told me she smoked with him and she asked him to not tell me... Naturally as we are close he did tell me..
I love my girlfriend to bits but her constantly lying makes me feel like i can trust her.. and trust is very important to me..
This is around the fourth time she has lied about smoking and it has come to a point where i feel like our whole relationship is at stake because i cannot stand being lied to anymore...
What shall i do? is it best to end things? Will i be able to trust her yet again..
Thanks for any help
Sanj..
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Tell her how you feel. Make her make a promise that she will not lie to you again. Then if she does break it off. [All the help I can give]
Hope I helped
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well i can see where youre coming from. with her lying to you, it would make it seem like you couldnt trust her. however, im sure you know that smoking is an addiction and incrediable hard to quit and shes probably been lying about it because she doesnt want to cause problems in youre relationship. If you have been dating for 15 months do you really want to throw it all away because she lied to you a few times about her smoking? Obviously the smoking issue is a rather big deal to you, it would be to me too, but if you love her and if she hasnt lied to you about anything else durng your relationship then all you should do is jsut confront her about it. Ask her why she has been lying to you about it. Try to understand before you throw away a really good relationship.
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You need to sit down with her and confront her about this problem. Make it very straightforward that you don't like being lied to and that trust is crucial for this, and really any relationship and friendship.
If you feel that her smoking is unacceptable to you as a friend and even girlfriend, then I would suggest to consider leaving things. If you aren't comfortable with her in the first place, especially with something like that, then it might be OK to remain friends, but it would be difficult to remain in a relationship. Confront her openly about this and hear what she has to say about it. Let her know that if she says she will not smoke anymore, then it should stop. If she doesn't feel like she can honestly stop, then she needs to let you know that.
I think you will be able to trust her. What you need to find out is if she will continue to smoke regardless of how much you plead with her, or if after confronting her about it, she really will stop. Knowing which one of those she will take might help you trust her more at least as a person. It is difficult to put up with, but dating is just that - an experiment. If you aren't comfortable you don't need to stay there - but no, don't leave everyone until you find somebody who is perfect because that won't happen too often either. Talk it out and see how you feel afterwards - if you are OK with how she will turn out or not, then make the decision of whether or not to stay with her. Hope that helped and good luck.
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well i see where you're getting to,with the whole trust thing. But also remember smoking is an addiction and incredibly hard to give up,much less control. Addictions can do this to people, and you just have to upfrount tell her you don't like it. Basically, its either you, or the ciggarets, maybe you should tell her that. You have to confrount her, no matter how much youu don't want to. Rumours are sometimes not true. Its when you hear them from close friends that somethings really up. You could get people to spy on her,but then, that would be very trustworthy,would it? point blank theres no other way to get through to her other than you telling her yourself. And if she can't listen to you,the one person she should trust above all,then maybe it's not going to work you. Remind her that you care about her, and your concerned, but still try to get your point across. sorry it isn't much, but i hope i helped :]
xkisakissx
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Explain to her how you feel about the situation. I think you should brake it off because if she lies about this there could be other things she is or would lie about too. It is a hard habit to brake but for you she should be able to quit and knowing how dirty a habit it is. Tell her you still care, but its not going to work out with her lying. Hope this helps!
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