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He does not like me because of my race
At the begining of the school year last year , there was a guy in my Spanish class. Gradually we became really close friends, and the more I hung out with him, the more I relized that I really liked him. At both of my best friends pressuring, I told him that I liked him.
How I told him is that I wrote a note telling him. I know it was very childish to do so but I am happy now that I did not tell him in person.
His response to me telleing him was that 'He would never consider being more than friends with a black person.' His words exactly, then after a few days of me fuming and wanting to kill him, he says that he only said that to spare my feelings. He said that he really did not like me the way I liked him, but I think he was lying. Now I feel a little uncomfortable around him, should I tell him how I feel about him now? Or should I leave well enough alone. I'll take any advice. I am an African American female, and he is a white male.
We have currenlty (well he believes we have) settled down and are now still good friends, although I am not sure that the hurt I feel will ever go away, and I am not sure that our friendship can last. I thought he was a very nice guy, and besides what he said he has been a very good friend to me.
My friend thought that by saying he does not like black people, he would hurt my feelings less than if he said he did not like me. I find this very stupid, andhe should have said he just does not like me, and like a stated before, i think he lied about that because he only said it when I said I did not want to be friends with him anymore.. Even now, long after the sutuation 'ended' I still don't feel as comfortable around him as I used to. Please help. He has been a really good friend to me, I'm just not sure if I can stay friends with him.
((I've asked this question before. I did not get many answers though.))
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
i think that you should tell this person how you feel those bad feelings now that you have can only get worse and not better. It was really wrong to say what he did but that is the way some people are you should tell this person everything you feel about it. If you don't want to be friends with a person that says things like that i don't blame you but there is a you can try and fix this relationship as friends. Talk it out.
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I'm so sorry this had to happen to you.
I'm not going to sugarcoat it, this guy sounds like a real jerk. Anyone who says anything like that (even if they claim to be trying to spare your feelings) is not a true friend. You're right, he should have just said he didn'tlike you. I really think you deserve someone better, even just as a friend. You don't have to tell him how you feel, but try to distance yourself from him a bit. Distract yourself with friends and other activities and hopefully you'll find that you don't care about him anymore. There's no point to being friends with him, it would be awkward even if he didn't say that. All you can do is move on.
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I'm sorry that you've been hurt this way. It's always hard to be turned down by someone you like, but sometimes the reason given can hurt more than the rejection itself.
Although the way he said it was not very tactful, I do think he was being honest with his first response. The world has come a long way, but there are still many people who aren't comfortable dating someone outside of their own race, religion, social group, etc. And it's not always because they're racists or bigots; I think most of the time it's because they're worried that their family or friends wouldn't approve of it. And while some people are courageous enough to say, "I don't care what anyone thinks, I'm going to be with whoever I want", a lot of people aren't strong enough to do that.
Part of me is thinking that maybe he *should* have just said, "Sorry, I only like you as a friend" and left out the race thing. But then again, at least he was being honest and up front with you. He probably had no idea that it would hurt you as much as it did.
As for whether or not you should continue your friendship, you have to go with your feelings. But from what you've described, it doesn't sound like he "doesn't like black people" (after all, the two of you had become close friends); it's just that for whatever reason, he's not comfortable dating a black girl. If you can accept that about him, and still be happy with what he CAN offer you (friendship), then it might be worth giving the friendship another chance.
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Did he like you? Even if he said that? Regardless, maybe he thinks of you only as a friend, but it is rude that he would say something like that to your face. If you think he was lying you possibly could be correct,but its not reliable. If he was lying, I think he did this just to cover up he has feelings for you, because he's thinking of what other people might be thinking with of the both of you being together because yall are a diffrent race. I myself have experienced that. I'm half black, the guy was white and he said to my friend in a note : I like her, but only if she wasn't black.
It hurt,for awhile but I moved on. Diffrent people take a situation diffrently, and me personally just simply took it for what it was.
I just accepted him as a friend anyway it was better than nothing and I thought if he really liked me like he said he did, he wouldn't care what people thought of us regardless of what others think or their parents. I know alot of parents that don't agree with interracial dating and their kids will feel like they've betrayed their parents if they do, so they shy away from it. You'll find someone, a person that doesn't look at race, and likes you for who you are.The more people you meet, the better your chances of finding someone right for you. Meet them in quantity and you'll find someone of quality. I It may be uncomfortable to you to be around him but try,really hard this time. See where it goes, a friendship can last a longtime,better than him not being a friend at all. But if it doesn't work out, but if its really that uncomfortable then just drop,talk to him less. I don't think you have to cut him outta of your life completely, just make it less. Better than nothing, Hope I helped, if any :]
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If he had told you that he didn't like you, that would have been really rude. That's like saying "there's something wrong with you.. i don't like it." But saying that you are African American is something that you can't change, and is not your fault. I'm Baptist, and it's against my religion to date people outside of my race, so don't hold it against him.
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