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College bound mom
I'm 15 almost 16 and i just recently graduated early with honors, and got a few full ride scholorships ( I always did summer school to get ahead and online schooling). But the problem is Laila and Kennedy, my 3 month old twins. I love them and they are my pride and joy. But i'm going off to college and i'm going to be living with my older sister in her dorm because we are attending the same school, and i can't take Laila and Kennedy. My boyfriend doesn't want to take in the children because he is going to be a senior this year and just wants to PARTY. My mom loves the children, but i'm afraid she is going to convince my boyfriend to give up all custody and have the children put up for adoption behind my back, because she is like that. She loves them but she doesn't them to screw up my life. And they aren't. They are just a big speed bump.
Any advice on what i can do with Laila and Kennedy?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Parenting?
I know i only 13 but im the child in ur case. My mom went through the same thing except my dad left her with me. She went to colledge without me and became a nurse she just did it online. Dont let your boyfriend get in the way of the right path. Dont let him make your smooth road bumpy. Tell him that your doing your best to give your children a wonderful life and that your not going to be the only one raising your kids. My mom made the mistake of not telling my dad this and she wanted to be a doctor but became a nurse instead. Dont let him get in the way of your dreams. Tell him sister! And do colledge online its a lot easier with children trust me.
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First of all, that's amazing that you graduated so early and with honors! And even scholarships!
You should be very proud of yourself.
And now you are making a decision to go on to college, which I think is wonderful. Many people would just give up, with a 3 month old- let alone twins!
So you obviously are one smart chick. You may have made a poor choice in the past, but you definitely seem to have a good head on your shoulders now.
So what to do about the kids? It's hard to say exactly because I only have a little bit of info. to go on. For example, you didn't mention how far away the school was. I think that will be a big part of your decision, because if they aren't close it will be VERY hard as a mother to be separated from her babies.
You also didn't say why you can't bring your kids. I'm assuming it's because it's a dorm? If so, you should contact the university housing dept. and ask them about other options. Many schools have family housing, or apts. for people who are married, older, or have children. See if they have this, or can suggest anything. I think that would be your best bet.
And since your sister is there maybe she could move in too and help out while you are at classes.
About your mom- in order for her to adopt she would have to have consent from BOTH parents, not just one. But frankly, by the way you are describing her, I don't know if I'd want her to take them.
See about bringing them with you. There are always options. "will there's a will, there's a way'. This may not be what you had planned for your college life, but the alternative isn't that great either is it? And you may regret it in the long run. You will miss out on a lot of their lives- their first word, etc.
Think it over long and hard. Talk to counselors, housing people, etc.- get ALL of your options laid out- then chose the one that you think is best for you.
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You are choosing to go to university, which is a great decision and just fine.
But frankly you don't have the right to expect your mother to raise your children. You have chosen to follow a path that prevents you from raising them %100 percent and your boyfriend is a damn asshole for choosing to party over his children and supporting their mother.
So you need to have a good long conversation with your mother. If you want to keep your children and go to school, you need her on board and you need to support HER as she raises YOUR children. Ask her what she needs. You can't simply assume she is going to take responsibility for your children while you are off getting an education. She might be your mother and she probably loves you, but she doesn't owe you that!
She probably can't get them adopted without your consent, but if that is the sort of thing she wants to do then you DEFINATELY need to talk to her. You really don't want to leave your children in an environment where they are unwanted. It would be far better for everyone to find a place where they are wanted.
So talk to you mother and LISTEN to her. Maybe start this way "Mom, what do you want and what do you need for yourself and your grandkids?" Give her a chance to talk and be open to her ideas.
You can't always get what you want. Be prepared to make sacrifices and tough decisions.
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Like you say, the twins are a speed bump and although you may have been "caught out" so to speak you certainly seem to have taken your responsibility to them seriously by ensuring that you get a good education.
Moving on to your Mum, I cannot say with 100% certainty however I do know that in the UK BOTH parents must give up paternal/maternal rights (custody) to a child before they can be put up for adoption. Likewise, should your Mum decide that she was "unable to look after them" and ask Social Services to take them in to care, Social Services (in the UK at least) are bound by law to make every attempt to locate the Mother/Father and ask their permission.
In your circumstances I do not think that Social Services would take the twins away nor would they consider putting them up for adoption.
I would suggest that you visit your nearest Citizens Advice Bureau (I assume that you cannot afford to pay a Lawyer as you are so young). They often have lawyers who will give advice pro-bono or will be able to provide you with the legal information that you need. At least this way your mind will be at ease when you go off to college.
Let me know how you get on and if I can help with anything else.
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Leave them with a relative you can trust not to ruin you and your boyfriends relationship.
Have your mom "babysit" every once in a while but leave the kids with someone else.
like another sibling if you have one.
If all else fails tell your boyfriend what you thik your mom is trying to do.
If you let your mom watch the kids and your boyfriend knows what u think your mom is gonna do then he might be able to avoid it.
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