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i need some serious help
Ok well me and my bf have been together for 4 yrs. now and like at times he treats me really bad.. he yells at me and throws things. but then at times he can be the nicest person ever.. i am just so confused, he puts me down all the time and stuff like that. but then like 20 mins later he is all nice and lovey dovey with me. and i really dont no what to do. he says he love me but i really wounder sometimes, ive tried talking to him about it but when i do he gets mad.. what do you thihnk i should do??
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I'm sorry to say it, but I think you should end this relationship. Guys like that don't change; in fact, they usually just get worse over time. And if you get married and have children, he will probably act the same way towards them. So even if you think you can tolerate his behavior towards yourself, I'm sure you wouldn't want your kids to suffer that kind of abuse.
The problem is that somewhere deep inside, your boyfriend is insecure and unhappy with himself. For whatever reason, he thinks he's not good enough for you. And his biggest fear is that one day you'll see his faults and think, "What am I doing with this guy? I'm better than him and I could find someone better."
So that's why he puts you down. He wants you to feel bad about yourself, take away your confidence and self esteem, so you'll never think you're better than him. He wants you to think you're a terrible person who no one else would ever love, so you'll have to stay with him. He wants you to believe that he's the only guy who would ever love such an unworthy person.
If you continue to stay with him, you may start to believe that, and it will get harder and harder to break away. The truth is, you DO deserve better than this, and you WILL find someone who will love you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. A true loving relationship is about supporting each other and building each other up, not tearing each other down.
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break up with him. he doesnt mean all the nice stufff, hes just covering up the bad stuff to make himself look good. you deserve better and there are guys out there that will treat you 100 percent better than this.
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hey
hon, if he's abusive in ANYWAY, no matter what he says [because actions are stronger than words], you have to tell someone. do you have any older siblings? tell them. if he emotionally or physically hurts you, he doesn't love you. he's lying. love is unconditional & he's obviously not displaying it.
also, not to sound rude, but is he bipolar? because if he is, he probably can't control his moods. but that STILL doesn't give him the right to abuse you.
have you ever really sat him down & told him, "baby, i know that we've been together a really long time, but it really hurts me sometimes the things you do" ? if you have a nice tone, he might open up & listen to you.
if you're close with ANYONE older than you, even a friend, you need to tell them because you have to end the relationship if he is abusive. if it's only sometimes, you still have to tell. the purpose of dating is to experience different people & become open to different types of people. to see how you get along with them, & perhaps marriage. when you see your boyfriend, you should feel happy. when you're with your boyfriend, you should feel happy. not ABUSED. not HURT.
look at this checklist:
- when you & your partner are together, he calls you names, puts you down in front of other people.
- your partner acts extremely jealous when you talk to other boys, even when it is completely innocent.
- you have to check in with your partner at certain times.
- he is always checking up on you, calling or paging you, and demanding to know where you have been & whom you have been with.
- you seem to worry about upsetting your partner or making him angry.
- you are giving up things that are important to you, such as spending time with friends or other activities & are becoming more isolated.
- your partner may threaten to hurt himself if you ever leave them. they say, "i'm nothing without you, you are my world."
- your partner has dramatic mood swings. he goes from being jealous, controlling, or angry to being sweet, charming & loving.
- your partner may get "too angry." he hits walls, yells loudly, calls you names, or actually threatens others with violence.
- your partner slaps, shoves or kicks you.
if you answered "yes" to at least 3 of the above statements, you may be at risk for an abusive relationship.
here are some tips on breaking up safely with him:
1.) take a risk assesment - what was the first incident of abuse? what was the worst incident of abuse? what might happen if i break up? do i need to change my daily schedule or routine so i won't run into this person? who are the people who can help me through this? what can i do to stay safe?
2.) break up in a public place - being in a public place, like school, in a restaurant, or at the mall may keep the abuser from hurting you. or, if an abusive incident should arise, others may intervene or simply serve as witnesses. finally, don't rely on the abuser to drive you home afterwards. make sure you have alternative transportation.
3.) don't have contact after the relationship has ended - this is really difficult. you will probably have mixed feelings about the break up. but, it is very important to end all contact to help you heal from the relationship & keep you safe. reach out to friends & family for support.
4.) inform an adult if you are concerned about your safety.
5.) take ALL threats seriously. - abusers often follow through on their threats. it is especially important to pay attention to threats of suicide or homicide (has the abuser threatened to kill you or himself?) tell a trusted adult- like a parent or a teacher immediately.
websites:
www.jbws.org
phone number:
1-877-RUABUSED
sorry this is so long.
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The last advicenator was right. Break it up wtih him, NOW. He is abusive. It doesn't matter how much you love him, or how sweet he is other times.
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Break up with him. He's taking you for granted. If he really loves you, then he shdnt even be making you feel miserable; he shdnt just pay lip service.
I'm sorry if that's not wat you wanna know.
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