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how does a person forgive themselves?
i have been suffering from severe depression for awhile. after much thought, i believe it's because of some of my actions in the past. not murder or anything like that, but i have alot of shame and guilt (with myself) but cannot seem to forgive myself. i realize i am only human and i'm going to make some mistakes, but i cannot seem to get over whatever things are making me feel depressed. i have tried almost every anti-depressant, but they don't seem to work. i obviously need help, but cannot seem to find anyone who truly wants to help me. it's always a question of health insurance (i have excellent coverage) so instead of helping me, i feel they are prolonging my agony to keep the money coming in. truthfully, i wouldn't care if they were helping me. i have considered a indian medicine man and even went to a reservation in hopes of speaking with one, but it was the weekend and they were closed. a psychic is starting to look good but most are for fun. i truly need help before i lose my mind! thanks
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I agree with you that it's how you feel about yourself that's causing the depression and insomnia and not the other way around.
That being said, the way I forgave myself for some pretty horrible things, was to write down what I did,, who it hurt,
and why I did it. For example was it to make you feel secure or safe? Was it out of fear (revenge)? Was it to save your self esteem ect? Upon analyzing what was behind the act and you understand the childlike parts of ourselves. We can then understand and understanding leads to love that leads to forgiveness.
Find ways to nurture yourself, like a child. Learn to love yourself with small kind acts.
If you need to sleep, then by all means take some lunesta or prescription sleeping aid.
Anti depressants sometime just mask the problem and it seems you already know what the issue is. Listen to your heart.
Anti depressants aren't working because that's not the issue.
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Some people are hard wired to feel guilt and lots of it. Some are hard wired to feel depressed. There are many traits that keep us socially acceptable but sometimes they go overboard. Everyone has a deep dark horrible past. I went to a Catholic retreat once and we all drank wine (when no one there drank) and we all fessed up. I had to make up stuff to keep with everyone for fear of looking dishonest or goody two-shoes or be the outsider. Then I felt guilty for that too. These were women who were nurses in catholic schools and they did things I had never beleived normal law abiding citizens hadn't even heard of. One was a prostitute for a year, one had 5 abortions, one used to keep her kid drunk to calm him down, one stole medication from her dying father to sell on the side. They all felt better and were happy as hay afterward and looked normal at work. I was appalled. I felt better that I wasnt the worst. Maybe being around people who are worse than you might help.
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I don't know if you are aware of this, but guilt is a symptom of depression. It comes with the territory. So it's very common for people who are battling depression to have the same kind of thoughts that you do. You can run the same things over and over in your head, making yourself crazy.
You need to also know that depression can cloud your thinking. It magnifies problems. It also makes it difficult to see the positive in things. So chances are that things aren't NEAR as bad as they SEEM when you are depressed, but the depression is making you PERCEIVE them to be so horribly bad that these thoughts are torturing you.
For this, you need more than just meds, you need counseling as well. If you're not already in counseling, then please seek out a good counselor. Also, be aware that the meds can be very tricky, some spend forever looking for the right combination of meds, and some just don't respond at all- or even get worse on the meds (though this is believed to be rare).
Have you ever tried taking a low dose of Seroquel at night? Seroquel is technically an anti-psychotic that helps to eliminate voices for people like schizophrenics. But it can also be very helpful for people who have depression and are plagued my their own dark thoughts. If you are the type who lies in bed at night and everything that you did wrong, or should do or need to do, etc. is racing through your head, then seroquel at a low dose might help to tame these intrusive thoughts. Ask your doctor.
Meanwhile, keep at it. Things will get better.
And make sure that you are taking care of the basics- like sleeping and eating well. When these get out of whack- they can really make everything else worse too. So keep them in check.
You can also try vitamins- especially the b vitamins which give energy. And amino acids- which help produce the neurotransmitters in your brain that fight things like depression.
Keep believing and keep trying- something WILL come through. Things will get better.
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Hey..I've suffered from depression before but I don't know the severity of mine. TO me, depression is something that you CAN cure yourself, because it all lies in your mind and I strongly believe that it IS something that you CAN overcome.
You are regretting your course of action and that's good. It is good that you are realising your mistakes. But after that, move on and give yourself a chance to change. OK. I know that I'm in no position to tell you what to do and all that because I'm not a trained therapist in this area. I don't know exactly wat are the things you have done before that made you feel so horrible. I honestly don't mind if you tell me more bout it.
If you don't open yourself up and be more positive, you're gonna sink deeper and deeper. What is done is already done. Don't let your mistakes traumatise you. Let your mistakes teach you a lesson in life. Sometimes, it's better to let go and move on and most importantly, to learn from your mistakes. You cant UNDO what you did last time, but you now now what you should DO. It's all in your mind. It's ultimately your choice how you choose to live with your mistakes. Is wallowing in depression gonna help you? Be strong. Take it like a man. Everytime you feel low, tell yourself OK I've learnt and I'm NOT going to do the same thing again. I WILL change.
I sincerely hope that you'd give yourself a chance. I'm sorry if I haven't been of much help since I might be underestimating the severity of your condition but whatever it is, remember to give yourself a CHANCE.
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i also my self suffer from severe depression. i went to the emergency room oone night because it got so bad i couldnt deal anymore. they gave me a panflit and my ensurence covered a 10 day partial hospital prgram.. dont worry its not a stay at night thing you go for a few hours with kids who are depressed too and it helps ALOTT .. instead of the emergency room you could just go to your docotr and sugest a program. give it a try, IT HELPS. good luck =]
-ask_blondie
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