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competitive mom stealing my bf
13/f
my problem is with my best friend's mom. she's really competitive and wants her daughter to be the best at everything... grades, sports, popularity in school, whatever. well, any time i do better at something (which happens a lot actually), her mom kinda freaks out. i mean, she's always really nice to me, but i can tell it drives her crazy.
well, one thing her mom really wants is for my friend to have a boyfriend. but my friend is really shy around guys, and even though a lot of guys ask her out, she always says no. and her mom gets mad at her about it. and i know her mom is really jealous that i've had a boyfriend for over a year.
but now for the big problem. my boyfriend's family is really good friends with my friend's family. and lately, my friend's mom has been inviting them to do all this stuff, and always tells my boyfriend how much fun he's gonna have with my friend! its like shes trying to get them together. and then she (the mom) tells me all about what they did and how much fun they had together, like she's trying to rub it in and make me jealous. well, it's working, cuz i AM getting jealous, and really mad too!
i know... if my boyfriend ends up liking my friend, there's nothing i can do about it. i don't actually think he will, though... but i can't help worrying about it a little. but mostly i'm just mad that her mom is doing this! its like she can't stand me having this guy so she's trying to steal him away for her daughter.
i guess this isn't really a question, cuz there's probably nothing i can do about it. but if anyone has any advice for me, i'd love to hear it.
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This woman is crazyyy. this is what i would do:
He's your boyfriend so maybe you should tell him that it bugs you that he's hanging out with this girl one on one. I'm not saying you should be controlling or sound jealous but maybe you should tell him & he'll change his mind about going over there all the time. this woman's trying to break you down... if he still hangs out with her, make sure you guys hang out too... take pictures and keep them with you. tell this lady all about how you've been together a year & how you would never wanna let him go... just don't make it obvious that you are mad... just that you know her little game. if you need anything else, let me knowww. <3
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Talk to your boyfriend about this.
You are absolutely right (and very mature to realize) that nothing will happen between your boy and you friend unless he chooses it. So try and relax, but first, explain to your boy what it eating at you.
I had a friend with a similar kind of mother. Crazy damn lady, and sometimes she made me feel so small and weak. I'm twenty-two now and last time I saw her I was telling her and her daughter that I had graduated from university and got a job I was very excited about (my friend had dropped out and moved home) and her mother decides to remind me that when I was sixteen, I made thirteen cents less an hour then her daughter did... So I laughed at her.
My point is: It's not all in your head, although people you tell, like your boyfriend, might think you are over reacting and that these people never change. The best you can do it try to laugh off their ridiculous behavior.
You also may try, very gently and very sensitively, talking to your friend about her mother’s behavior. We are very rarely able to see just what the problem is with the people that are so close to us all our lives, but if your friend feels like her mom is pushing her it could go a long way for you to say “Yeah, I see that too, sometimes it seems like she I making you compete with me and I hate it. Don’t let it get to you. You’re an awesome chick.” You don’t need to go into a bitch fest about her mother, it’s her mom after all! But sharing what you see might help her realize it really is going on.
Good Luck.
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Hmm...I feel for you because you're in a sticky situation. Unfortunately, my advice is limited but I do have some and it involves you talking to three people: your mother, your friend, and your boyfriend. You need to inform all three of them what's going on - tell them all everything - every detail. Your mom might be able to talk (or knock) some sense into your friend's mom. If your friend's mom can get involved, so can yours, so don't count her out. I'm sure she'll want to stick up for you.
Your friend might be able to talk to her mother as well and let her know that it's making you and her uncomfortable and that she needs to butt out of her life. I know you said your friend is shy, but there's a chance that after you have a talk with her that she might see all of the chaos her mother is causing and can try to put a stop to it. Also, if you have a talk with your boyfriend, no matter how good of friends his family is with your best friend's family, he can limit the alone time he spends with your friend.
Finally, I have two additional pieces of advice that contradict each other, but you can choose which ever sounds best to you: First, be careful of your friend and your boyfriend. Your friend may not be as innocent as she seems, and your boyfriend may not be as forced into this situation as he's making it seem. A part of me suspects that both of them are playing you. Second, relax. I know it might be easier said than done, but being jealous, paranoid, and upset all the time isn't worth it. You're better than this. :)
Good luck.
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This woman is wayy to weird. Its good shes trying to make her daughter improve her grades but she doesn't NEED popularity or a boyfriend to be happy. Why she is doing this is a mystery. For some odd reason she wants her daughter to be better than you. You should try to talk to your friends mum about this. Not that you should impose on the way she brings up her children but about your boyfriend. If your friend is interested in another guy try to get them together, for her benefit of being with someone she likes and not someone her mum wants her to be with. If i was you i would be totally jelous to! If you can't talk to your friends mum try talking to your friend. Maybe she can try to let her mum relax a little. what this woman is doing is just wrong and hurting you. I'm just curious but doesn't your friend get annoyed by how her mum acts? Like constantly pushing her to strive for her best and be perfect? Talk to your friend or her mum (preferably) about this issue of your boyfriend and how you feel about it.
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