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cheated....trust
Okay. So I cheated on my boyfriend 2 months ago with one of my ex's, which i have not talked to since. And I told my boyfriend the next day. And I feel horrible about what I did, every time I think about it or he brings it up I end up crying and hating myself more and more. For about 2 weeks after it happend I cried myself to sleep every night and seriously could hardly live with what I had done. And now, 2 months later, he still has not forgoten it, well i dont expect him to forget it, but he still always brings it up and I want to hang out with one of my guy friends.... and my boyfriend got all mad that I wanted too and was like fine go be with him then and he is just worryed i will cheat on him again.... but I would never do that again, i can not risk loosing him one more time. So I guess my question is,
Is it wrong of me to want to hang out with my guy friends and expect him to let me after what I did?
Or is he being to uptight about it and is it wrong of him to tell me not to hang out with other guys and get all pissed when i even think about hanging out with another guy?
One thig I do know is, If I want to hang out with a guy, I am going to. And I AM GOING to PROOVE to him that someday he can trust me again with another guy.
SO yeah... any advise would help.
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When you have a boyfriend, hanging out with other guys is sort of a "privilege"... it's something the boyfriend doesn't mind because he knows he can trust you. But once you've lost that trust, you also lose that privilege. And it may take a long, long time to regain that trust and that privilege again.
Yes, you said you were sorry. You ARE really sorry. And lucky for you, your boyfriend has chosen to forgive you and stay with you. But that doesn't erase what happened. He may have forgiven you, but he's not going to forget about it... even though he might wish he could.
What you did hurt him badly. And now, whenever you're around another guy, he's going to wonder if you're being faithful. And he's going to be miserable thinking about it. So he has a very good reason to ask you to not hang around your guy friends. It's not that he's trying to "punish" you. He's just trying to keep himself from being hurt.
Things are different now. The fact is, you made a mistake, and you're going to have to pay the price for your actions. That is, if you want to stay with your boyfriend. It all depends on what's more important to you... hanging out with your guy friends, or your boyfriend's feelings and your relationship.
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Alright, my take on this is that your boyfriend is extremely self concious about himself and probably keeps thinking that you'll end up cheating on him. From this, he thinks becoming extremely overprotective will help him to make sure you don't cheat on him. His overprotectiveness is shown when he gets all mad when you want to hang out with your guy friends. He's also trying to make you feel bad about cheating on him the first time so that's why he keeps bringing up you cheating on him. (Stupid move though on his part)
It's totally 100% not wrong for you to want to hang out with your guy friends and expect him to let you. After all he should be some what more understanding since there is nothing going on between you and one of your guy friends. He's going to be uptight no matter what you do for the simple fact that you cheated on him. (And I'm not judging you for that so don't get me wrong) It's defintely wrong for him to tell you not to hang out with your guy friends and get upset.
Talk to him is all I can say. You need to be open and honest with him. Speaking to him about his overprotectiveness will maybe help the problem of him getting upset with hanging out with your guy friends. He'll bring up you cheating but keep telling him that.
Good luck and I hope this helps you. If anything message me. :)
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Be understanding of his situation. He has a right to be mad at you for wanting to hang out with other guys. But it was two months ago. My advise would be not to hang out with your guy friend, because that would not be good for gaining back his trust. But i know it's not that easy. Maybe you should ask your guy friend if your boyfriend and some of your other friends (girls included) come along. That way your not ruining the friendships you had before you started dating him, but your not spending alone time with a guy. Think about how you would feel if you were in his position. If you really don't want him coming with you, just explain to him that your going to hang out with some old friends. Tell him that you feel terrible for what you did to him and you wouldn't do it again for anything in the world. It will take time, but eventually you will gain his trust back. You just have to prove that you're crazy about HIM and no other guys.
Good Luck!
Sarah
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Re-reading what you wrote happened to me. I cheated & i regret it so fucking much. It's three weeks later for me, he still doesn't trust me but were together. Do not hang out with your guy friend, that will just make things worse. I regret it so fucking much, it hurts when i look at my boyfriend. Well, goodluck.
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So pretty much, your boyfriend has lost his trust for you. I get that sometimes... I've never really cheated but I've done things that my ex's don't approve of. ... So, I think you have to wait it out, but if he still brings it up, then you need to just let him know, tell him straight out.
YOU'RE MY ONLY MAN, I REGRET DOING EVERYTHING I DID, AND I JUST NEED FOR YOU TO STOP BRINGING IT UP. IT'S IN THE PAST FOR A REASON. IT'S OVER, AND IT'S DONE WITH.
You need to let him know exactly how you feel, okay?
If he still does it then he just isn't worth the time. If he is allowed to hang out with girls, without you being there, then it's only fair that you hang out with your friends too.
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