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heyy my friend has a problem
She is 15 & is crazy about her brothers best friend who is 16/17.
They have kissed at partys and her brother doesn't know about it but her brother knows that she likes him and has said that hes not letting them go out.
Her brothers best friend has said that he would go out with her if it wasnt for her brother but that her brothers friendship comes before any girl, so as long as her brother disapproves he will not go out with her, even though he has already kissed her behind his back.
She doesnt understand like where she stands and she cant get over him because she knows he feels something for her..
And her brother has sed that if they did go out he would hurt his friend.. i wont go into it but she would feel awful for ruining their friendship and getting him hurt..
She is getting really worked up about it and i dont know what to suggest.. any ideas??
thankyoo much appreciated.. x
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This is a case where the three people involved really need to sit down put everything on the table, and figure it out. Otherwise, there will be resentment, anger, and hard feelings all around.
The way I see it, the one who has the most questions to answer is the brother. Why is he so against the idea of his friend dating his sister? Is there something wrong with his friend such that he wouldn't want this - and if so, why is he a desirable friend? Is he afraid that it will change the dynamic of his friendship and/or family life? Does he dislike the idea of "sharing" his friend? I can see where he's coming from to a certain extent; a guy likes to keep his friends and his family separate. In addition, there would be a lot of angst if his friend and his sister dated and then had a nasty breakup.
One thing should be made clear: He has NO business threatening anyone with physical harm over this. If his friend and his sister want to date, he can terminate the friendship and be angry about it all he wants, but he has no right to threaten anyone. Who his sister chooses to date is not his business - UNLESS he has cause to think that she would be at risk, in which case he has a lot of explaining to do about why he would consider this person to be his best friend. Bottom line is that for him to be angry about it to the point of threatening violence is hypocritical and way out of line.
The best friend has some explaining to do as well. He's being very wishy-washy about this, kissing her "behind her brother's back" and then saying that he can't go out with her. He needs to decide who is more important to him, and then stick with that decision. He needs to show a little backbone.
Finally, there's the sister. The main thing she needs to do is consider whether her feelings for this guy are strong enough to warrant all the potential fallout should things not work out. It is entirely possible that her relationship with this guy could ruin the friendship between him and her brother (and based on the general lack of maturity I'm seeing displayed, I'd say there's a damn good chance of that happening). Basically, she needs to make up her mind whether she wants to pursue this right now. If she decides she wants to, then it's time for the aforementioned all-the-cards-on-the-table discussion; if not, then that means no more secret kisses or other little games of that nature.
Since she's the one who is your friend, I'd advise you to tell her that she needs to make her decision and then either get over him or get some things figured out among the three of them. It's up to her to make this relationship happen, or make it not happen.
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I have been through a similar situation except it was my best friend wanting to date my step brother. At first i didnt like the idea and i got really upset over it. I felt like i was losing my best friend to him and also that i was losing my brother to her. They both came and talked to me one at a time and after it was all over i felt a lot more comfortable with the idea.
I think that would be the best thing for them to do. Just discuss it with him. There may be reasons that your friend doesn't know about but it could just be a posessive type thing too. Either way i think it is best for her to talk to her brother.
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Well, think of it from the brother's point of view. Honestly, his best friend is going to be coming to his house not for the brother anymore, but for the 15 year old sister. Their friendship most probably WILL change. It's not so much that he would want it to change, it just will. Unless they TRY to keep the friendship solid.
But ask the brother if that's the situation. Maybe they can work something out, right? BLEH. Basically, just ask what's the brother's worry. And try to get the brother to look at his sister and bestfriend's point of view as well.
There are 2 sides to every story.
x
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Has she asked her brother why?
I mean, hello, maybe he's got a reputation for hurting girls or something along those lines?
So common sense, talk to her brother.
But if he has nothing bad to say,
I'd, still, talk to him.
Explain to him she has genuine feelings for him.
Maybe even get this guy to talk to her brother, too. That way, he can see both points of view in the situation.
And maybe (hopefully?) he'll understand and let them go out. If it makes them both happy, why should he try and stop it?
I hope this helps.
<3 Laura.
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Well it all boils down to this simple thing:
If she cares enough about this guy, and respects him, then she will have to respect his wishes on not wanting to risk his friendship with her brother over her (or any other girl).
There is nothing more to it than that, other than she will just have to suck it up and get over it. I know, that sucks and all, but there really is no other choice in the matter.
I highly doubt she will be able to change her brother's mind about it, but maybe later in life, he would be more apt to accept a relationship between his best friend and his sister. :)
ygs-29/f
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