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friend's attitude changing
im 14 and ok im kind of a prude and believe no sex before marriage and you should wait for someone special before going out with them... especially when you're young... and my best friend is turning into a hoe. she got her first boyfriend, and i was reaally happy for her, but then on their first date they made out, and other people were around. they werent even going out for a week, and they didnt even kiss normally before that. then she wanted me to grind with her at the last dance, and i was like NOOO. i would only grind with a guyyy and if i had been going out with him for a while.
i know this is how like old people think, but i want a guy who cares about me, not just a guy that wants to do stuff with my body. and i dont care if i wait for that. but my friend is alwayss bringing up her bf and its soo annoying. she hasnt been a good friend for the past year either, although she says im her bff... shes been ditching me for her other group of friends a lot, but hangs out with me mostly in schol.
i am really sick of her and im afraid shes going to do something that she regrets... should i keep being friends with her, try to help her, or ignore those problems?
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Let me start off by saying that your friend is not a hoe. Making out with your boyfriend is not slutty behavior at all. It's perfectly okay. And for you to call her a hoe because she wanted to dance with you and made out with her boyfriend is unfair. I think people these days throw around the word "Slut" and "Hoe" way too much. Your friend is not a hoe (from what you've said anyways) and to call her that might give her a bad reputation, so I wouldn't do it from now on.
Now, I totally respect you for having the morals that you do. But just because someone is not quite as strict as you in this area, does not mean that they are a bad person. Now, if you friend starts having sex with lots of guys, or doing sexual acts with lots of guys that she's not dating, then I would start to be concerned. But you guys are growing up. A lot of your friends are going to become more interested in the physical aspect of their relationships. If you don't want to hear about it, tell them. And if you really think she is on the downward spiral, then all you can do is talk to her about it. Otherwise, there's not much you can do other than be there for her.
Good Luck =)
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Honestly at 14, I was in the same position... except I was in your friend's position [sort of]. I made out before most of my friends and i did grind.... but I have morals! i know it's a crazy idea to think that someone that does those things does but i grinded and made out but no one got furthur than that with me. guys respected me because i picked out the ones that didn't want just a hookup. so really, don't worry about that. she's being young & not doing anything too bad. if you had said she didn anything above making out in a week, then yeah, i'd be worried too. but just chill...i know you don't want to hear that but there's nothing wrong with kissing/making out. i used to be like you, i did stuff like your friend and i turned out fine.
if she's ditching you, that's a whole different thing. tell her calmly that you wish you could hang out more and be like normal. don't get all in her face about the stuff she's doing, though. if you need anything else, let me know. <3
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thats sweet and all that you care, but she isn't you. And most people find stuff like that normal. And maybe if she isnt a good friend and doesnt share your morals oyu arent ment to be, so dump her and move on. Hope i helped.
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ok, 14 was a big year for me, and i`m assuming that its probably the same way for everyone else. everybody changed when they get out of middle school (i`m assuming your in highschool). you mature, & everyone gets curious. highschool relationships are nothing. you don`t have to wait for someone special. sweety, you're thinking like you're twenty years old or something. i mean when you get older you should wait to date the right person, but in highschool.. your supposed to date all different kinds of people so you can learn what you like & dislike in a boyfriend and what kinds of people you'd like to stay away from. its all part of the learning experience, because trust me.. you're not supposed to be looking for your soulmate when you're in highschool. second of all.. making out is nothing. i`ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now.. i madeout with him before i kissed him & i was infront of all of my friends. ( i`m starting to think me & your friend are pretty similar so maybe my point of view will help you to understand hers) i don`t blame you for wanting a guy to care about you..but being intimate doesn't mean he only wants you for your body because sometimes that can actually bring people closer together. if she's bringing up her boyfriend a lot just try to block it out, be supportive of her if you value her friendship because trust me, she'll learn from her mistakes, & if you really do care about her you need to be there for her.. not judge her. you need to focus on yourself.. let her do what she wants, because her mistakes shouldnt have to impact you. & you shouldn't have to deal with them. & if shes blowing you off constantly, maybe she isn't worth worrying about to begin with.
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first hun let me say that i respect your stance. you have values and you stick with them. thats a good thing no matter what they are ... even if they were the same as how "old people think"........ you're not prudish if you really believe in what you say believe in....
so when it comes to your friend i think you should make it clear to her that you believe in so and so and that your not afraid of what people will think. she may taunt or be stupid about it but in the end she'll respect you (if truly she's worth your friendship and time).
when it comes to her attitude and her values, there isn't anything really that you can do except point out the consequences of what her actions will lead her too.... i.e. advice. beyond that its hands of. but still be there for her when things happen....thats what friends are for after all. if you are old enough to know what is right and wrong and decide, so is she.... if things dnt work out you don't have to dump her as a friend unless again if you are not comfortable with her anymore try to keep her as a formal friend or acquaintance (and dont do this suddenly it'll look weird!) just try to hang out with people closer to your mentality ... it'l widen your social circle and put you at ease with who you are.
guluck....
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well you should try to tell her and if she ignores you then shes going to ruin it for herself. and if she ditchs you then shes not a true friend. also, i had a friend like that they kissed b4 getting on the buss when they didnt even go out for a week. but they knew eachother for 6 years. do you know how long they knew eachother? well if not for long, then she is actually moving to fast with this boy.
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i think, that the best way to learn is from expirience. im pretty sure, if you tell your friend to do something she doesnt want to do, itll only push her away, even if you ARE trying to help. i doubt shell realize what your intentions are. shell want to find out for herself
and continue to act the way she does until something bad does happen. and once something bad does happen, shell react to it more because its not a scenerio, its for real. and shell know what to do if it ever happens again.
there are also alot of different types of people, some people make out with there bf/gf's on the first date, and others dont. you dont have to worry about it, at least shes not hooking up with people she barely knows.
you know that when i had my first bf, we didnt kiss normally until about a month of dating, but we made out alot before that. so its definatly normal.
i think maybe this new group of friends might be her influence for acting the way she does. and if your worried about her, you should stay friends with her. because im sure the way your thinking, believe it or not, is also influencing her to not be such a slut.(she really isnt) so if you stopped being friends with her she would probably turn more to the other group, and she could get worse.
the reason she hasnt totally turned into a slut is because she wants to be accepted b both sets of friends, everyone just wwants to fit in, and her changing more twords the slutty side than she was beofre is her way of conforming to them. but not going totally is her way of staying by you.
so your definatly a good influence on her.
so in short, she needs you as a friend, to keep her not totally slutty, and you should let her do her own thing. because you always will influence her whether you realize it or not.
hope i helped xo
-kelly
*edit* unless she might get pregnant or something, THEN you stop her lol
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maybe you should try and explain to her the way you think ( like your morals ) and try to explain to her and just be like well you know i used to be able to count on you as being a good friend and now you seem to be changing. maybe she will look in the mirror and realize shes not the same person she used to be.
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