ok i have this boyfriend.. he is really great. but my ex boyfriend is back in my life.. i cant chose who i want to be with. one has a problem....a bad illegal problem and the other is weird.. wat do i do!?
disasterxwoah answered Friday June 15 2007, 2:44 pm: An illegal problem ? Sounds as if you're talking about drugs, maybe not but I'll go with that. Drugs are a choice, and therefor that guy doesn't make good choices, and if one is werid.. he can grow out of that, or you could maybe change him ? I wouldn't go with the illegal problem guy. He sounds like trouble. Also, if they both have searious quilties that you don't like.. then maybe you shouldn't go with eather. There are alot of fish in the sea, I'm sure you'll find some with a problem or a personality issue. [ disasterxwoah's advice column | Ask disasterxwoah A Question ]
Dunnworryjuzdoit answered Friday June 15 2007, 2:41 pm: It sounds like both aren't really the best choice for you or what you want in a guy. From experience, I can tell you that dating guys with illegal problems can be just as difficult as dating wierd ones. For instance, it sucks if they go to jail (for however amount of time) and then what about you? Its not fun waiting around for someone who cant give you what you need (love and companionship) when theyre locked up. Its also very lonely and while other guys want to get with you (if you're a good girlfriend at least) you will have to turn them down to be with an invisible man (or at least thats how it feels). I mean all you have is letters and if you're not above 18 then you cant even visit them. If you are, its not like you see them everyday anyway, visits are limited and long distance relationships are hard to keep especially when you're young. If you truly love him, then Im not saying dont be with him, but if youre not sure if you even love him dont even waste your time because its not worth it. Be his friend until hes legit. It also doesnt help if you dont agree with what hes doing or find it morally wrong and no justification in it. The worst thing though, is yes while you are young, its all good and dating guys who are into illegal stuff doesnt really matter too much at the moment because youre not yet worrying about real life. The only responsibility you have at that time is mainly school and thats if you even go. Nonetheless, I dont want to be a hypocrit because practically up to 18 (thats when I got serious about life and the consequences that it can have) I was independently doing my own illegal activities (not prostitution if that was what you were thinking:0) as well because I was really poor and saw easy money, but it didn't mean I was a bad person at heart even though some of things I did were bad. But, I can honestly say Im the nicest most honest person now and what I did in the past does not make me who I am now. So, I did change and now Im in college and working legitimitely so I can make a lot of money in the future legitimately. So, there is an opportunity (if your ex is smart) that he will change too. HOwever, if he doesnt it sucks because past 18, your ex is only looking at jail time at some point, death, or turning legitimate but with no schooling he is going to be making minimum wage if he can even get a job with his record. I was lucky because I straightened up before 18 (mostly) and my record was erased. Now Im free and clear but who knows if that will be the case for your ex. I know many guys that used to have a lot of money and power, be into their bussiness (if you know what I mean) and now theyre either dead, or working minimum wage, in jail, or continuing what theyre doing but in the end it all catches up with you. SO, my point is, do you really want that? A boyfriend in the future that Your going to most likely have to support and be the bread winner, or do you want someone who is just as successful as you will be and can take care of himself. Its harder when you get older becuase now you have bills to pay, and an idea of a life that you want to have and if he is holding you back from that, chances are your relationship is going to go down hill. The only way he could be successful if he continues on with what he is doing with his own life is to save his (illegal money) and if he doesnt get caught in time then he should open a business in something he is interested in and would profit from legitimately but that might not be an option for him so unless he goes back to school, he's not going anywhere in life. Now, on the other hand, if you think your boyfriend that you have now is wierd, then youre keeping yourself from finding a true companion and love because you can't truly love someone you think is wierd. You should ask yourself in both cases, if you could picture yourself marrying them, if the answer is no or you struggle with the idea, then you're really wasting your time with useless guys when the man of your dreams is waiting for you to find him out there somewhere. DONT WASTE YOUR TIME. They obviously both dont have enough value in your life and as a love if you cant decide between them...well, If you were really in love there would be no question who you want and there also would be no option for any other to be in the picture, the one that you truly love is going to be the one that your heart truly wants to be with...and if you dont love both of them...then find someone you do love and are content with in every way possible:) Sorry so long, i tend to talk a lot:) but I hope I helped your situation and I know words are easier to say than do and its always hard leaving the familiar and finding the unknown, but if the familiar isnt making you happy, the unknown is always worth it and is so much better in the long run. Good luck! [ Dunnworryjuzdoit's advice column | Ask Dunnworryjuzdoit A Question ]
caramella answered Friday June 15 2007, 2:37 pm: I think you should forget about the one with the illegal problem,cuz if its drugs hes gonna end up either dead,in jail,or with a terrible disease and your gonna end up either like him or depressed.If you tryed to make him stop his probelm and he didnt then i think you should leave him.The dude thats weird.....well if you dont LOVE him then i think you should forget him too.Which one is your boyfriend though?You need to clarify more.Anywayz i dont think you should leave your boyfreind that you LOVE liek you said for your ex...your ex is the past man,stay with the guy your with,dont betray him.Your ex was the past and cant be brought back since youve got a guy now. [ caramella's advice column | Ask caramella A Question ]
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