|
What should I do to try and re-mend this friendship?
I accidently hurt my friend's feelings over a picture I head on my cell phone. When I showed it to 3 people she sent me a text saying "Why the f*#$ do you have a picture of me on your phone?" and she has hated me ever since. I have tried to apologize many times but all she has ever said is why do you want to be my friend so bad and that's just plain wierd. She is a 15 year old Sophmore and I am a freshman at high school. I see her as somewhat of what I want to be, a great soccer player. She has made Varsity since freshman year and I just want to be as good as her. I dream about my mistake every night and that it becomes fixed, but when I wake up it is only a memory of what I want. Should I just forget about her(even though I see her twice a day and it's hard to do) or should I try something new to get her back?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Look, the first and most important thing you need to do is to stop wanting to be HER. You are your own person, and whatever you may think right now, you are just as special as her. This will come in handy the next time you face a rejection.
Forgetting a friend is not an option. I hurt my best friend (and subsequently lost her) in 3rd grade, and I still feel bad about it. You just learn to live with your mistake, and you go on with your life. That doesn't mean that you forget her, but you must realize that some people can't forget certain hurts, no matter how much you want them too, even if you weren't trying to hurt her. You too, will someday find(if you have not already) that you are unable to completely forget a hurt.
And hearing this probably will hurt, but it's possible that she might have thought of you as an acquaintance, and not so much of a friend. This could be why she's asking why you want to be her friend so badly.
So what should you do? Well, it seems to me that you've done everything you CAN do. Therefore, the situation is no longer in your hands. You have made the first move to try to mend the situation, but the next move MUST be her's. Any relationship, be it personal or not, has to be a "Two-Way Street." You made a mistake, and you've apologized. It's now up to HER. If she refuses to forgive and be friends again, then unfortunately there's nothing you can do about it. You'll just have to accept that fact and move on.
But because you must still have contact with her, treat her with respect and courtesy. You must be mature about this situation because if you keep dwelling about it every time you see her, anger and pain build up within you. That's how hate and resentment start, and they stay with you for years. Don't let that happen. They tear your very soul apart, and you end up feeling empty and alone. Being mature helps you to manage these feelings so that you grow to be a stronger person.
]
First of all, never compare yourself to others you are who YOU are and you can make yourself be a great soccer player and all of what you want to be on your own. A truly admirable and great person is what they make of themself and their own character. I have played soccer at a national level and a few girls previously on my team are on the Canada team now. I did that all by myself and so can you. Just because you idolize that girls soccer ability doesnt mean she's a great person or a good friend. Now, unless that picture was shown with the intent to embarass her or something so vulgur that if it was you you wouldn't want it shown, then yes, you did something not right and your actions to make amends are the right thing to do (yet you should let her cool down before speaking to her rationally) But if it wasnt with bad intent, then she totally acted out of proportion, even if a person didn't like having their picture taken or the picture you showed was just an unflattering picture (which we all have), a real friend wouldn't end the friendship over something so stupid. They would simply say please ask me next time to show this picture or just please dont take any pictures of me unless you have my permission and they may be a little pissed off but not enough to call your friendship quits. And if she can't accept an apology for something like that then what does that say about her character? She sounds a little conceited when she's asking you why you want to be her friend sooo bad. A friendship is something that should be valued on both ends that means if she was your true friend in the first place she would try to work it out with you. So far, you have done all the right things that you can do and if she wants to continue to act immature then let her be that way and don't give her another thought or dream because now its her loss if she doesnt want to fix your friendship, especially over a picture, then replace her with a better friend that values your friendship and isnt so crazy. What you should do is work on the things you want for yourself and finding meaningful friendships (not shallow ones) When you're young, you start out with tons of friends but as you get older youll notice some friendships get weeded out because they weren't true friends or there wasnt enough meaning in your friendship to make it last, in the end you begin to see who your true friends are and she doesn't sound like one of them. Friendship is almost like a marriage, it should be through thick and thin unless they betray you in a way that is unforgivable, but a picture most will say is forgivable and if she wants to hold grudges that's on her. Dont let her get to you anymore because now she's the one who is being nasty, NOT YOU! Live your life and dont worry about it and if she decides to forgive you that will be on her own time.
]
Listen, you have to allow her time to chill out so you can have a logical conversation about it. As long as she is mad, she is only going to be negative about the whole situation.
Once she has gotten over it, then explain to her that you didn't mean to upset her. You didn't know that she has a problem with people taking her picture and all. Apologize about it and ensure her that if you ever plan to photograph her again, you will be sure to ask her permission before hand.
Don't give up on your friendship unless she gives up on you. If she is unwilling to make amends, then I would say move on.
But, like I said, before you go to such measures, give her enough time to calm down and then apologize. Go knock on her door if you have to. If she doesn't accept your apology after a good cool-down period, then she has given up on you.
ygs-29/f
]
Well, many people don't like the pictures that are taken of them. and they don't want them passed around, so I guess it is understanding why she is mad. You may think she looks fabulous in the picture, but its her opinion that matters.
Since she won't talk to you, you'll have to try to slip her a note, or email or text message. I would appeal to her ego. Don't apologize at first, because you already tried that. Tell her how much you admire her, and mention two or three things that she is great at, and you wish you go be as good at it as she is. Tell her you were hoping that she would help you with something. learn something, or help you with your soccer game, so you can, in time, be as good as she is. If this works, and she calms down, then you can apologize (for the last time) and tell her you thought she would be pleased that you had her picture. And that you will never do it again. Give it some time. She may come around. She also sounds very busy, and may not want to put forth the effort for you because she is not pleased with your recent behavior.
Hope this helps
Michele
]
More Questions: |