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talking about having sex
i have been with my boyfriend for almost 10 months. we are really close and love each othere very much. recently we have started talking about having sex, and i want to, and i feel that i'm ready. my problem is that how i can explain this to my parents. they waited until they got married and i don't want them to judge me because i don't want to wait. how can i bring this situation up if i have questions? how can explain to them how i feel?
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Wow, you have a brave and honest outlook on this, I would never be able to talk about sex with my parents, I think we would both be too embarassed! It's cool that you want to be able to discuss the issue with your parents. I think ultimately, its your desicion as to whether or not you think you are ready, obviously its important to make sure you use the right protection as I'm sure you're not ready to have any children yet! But it's clear you've spent time thinking about sex so I'm sure you've already thought about appriopriate protection - just don't let the heat of the moment make you forget. As for your parents though, if its really important to you that they should know, then you should be honest with them and explain that you have thought about it and will be careful, explain it has not been a rushed decision, and you and your bf have both spent time thinking about it.. Just because your parents waited until after they were married doesn't mean you have to "live up" so to speak to this expectation. It is your choice to make, you shouldn't let any fears about your parents expectations of you put you off, sex is a personal decision, as long as you are over the legal age you have your own responsibility to choose wheather or not you are ready.
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to start with, it depends on your age. i'm not going to hammer you with reasons why you shouldn't have sex, but it's important for you to know the risks of having sex when you're too young. the fact that you're so concerned about telling your parents about it makes me think you're either in junior high or highschool. if you're in junior high, i strongly suggest that you shouldn't have sex. obviously it's your decision, but honestly at this age no one is mature enough to deal with sex, and most people will probably regret it later. if you're in high school, don't worry this is completely normal. most people lose their virginity between the ages of 16-22. so you're not alone. if, in fact, you are in high school, i probably wouldn't tell your parents. most parents would be so concerned about your age that they wouldn't think about the facts. they'd pound you with possible consequences of having sex (std's, pregnancy, hiv/aids, etc.) and it could ultimately effect your relationship with your parents in a negative way. but these consequences are all possibilities, so you do need to know how to prevent them from happening. for this, you could either talk to a school health teacher, or go to a sex ed class. to find one, you'd just have to do a search for one in your area. otherwise you could just ask friends with experience (if they're responsible friends) or find a good website for sex education (as long as it's a good website, legitimate, concerned about your health, you'll be able to tell). okay, if you're in college or older, there's really no reason to even tell your parents. if you think you'd have a guilty conscience about it later, just remember that once you're a legal adult, it's really not their choice at all. it's also none of their business, unless for whatever reason you feel it is their ebusiness. but the truth of the matter is, that although i'd love to tell you that your parents are above judging you for decisions that aren't like theirs, unfortunately they probably would. i'm not trying to judge your parents, but i'm sure their main concern is your health (mentally and physically), and they wouldn't want you to do anything that would hurt you in the long run. if you really want to tell them, just tell them that you've met someone that you can see going somewhere with, and although you respect their decision to wait until marriage, you have a different opinion on the matter. good luck, hope i helped!
Jennifer
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I'm glad to hear that you are in love with someone, and that they have the ability to love and appreciate a wonderful person like yourself. Respect and love go hand and hand - so I'm hoping that your choice to take it to another level is YOUR choice as well as his, and that your partner respects that choice.
Explaining things to your parents always seems 1000x harder - in your head. One's imagination can lead you to the darkest places. When I felt ready, I thought about talking to my parents, and all I could picture was being thrown out of the house after a huge fight...my mother crying and my father filled with anger. I mean, they were both very religious - so how could they NOT react that way? How could they NOT judge me harshly?
Well, the fact of the matter is, they can't judge you that way because they absolutely LOVE you - dearly. Yes - there will be judgement - but in the form of concern of your physical and emotional well-being...and that kind of judgement aint so bad. They're going to want to make sure their girl is ok, that she's with someone who loves her and who they trust, and above all that you're safe and practice safe sex.
I know it seems like the only kind of sex they'll accept is sex after marriage, because that's how their life went. But that's their life honey - not yours. And if anybody knows that times have changed - they do! Seriously!! Your parents are smart - they're not living in a bubble. Its 2007 and they know you have feelings towards your boyfriend, and as weird and awkward as this sounds - they know that you think about sex. Of course they want you to wait...but they know (through their own life experiences) hey - you can't always get what you want. Their daughter (YOU) is growing up, and you're going to have feelings that you are going to want to pursue.
So with that said, you CAN talk to them about this and - you should. How?
Just. Be. Honest.
That's the best advice I can give you. Sit them down - maybe seperately if that would make you feel more comfortable. And say:
"Mom/Dad, I really love (insert boyfriend's name here) and we're both thinking about sex. Its something I really feel like I'm ready for. But I also care about you and I want you to know what's going on in my life. I'm saying all this because I don't want you to judge me, but I also don't want to hide anything from you when it comes to what's going on in my life."
Seriously - the thing that most frightens parents today is NOT KNOWING. Being clueless as to what's going on in their kid's life is a parent's worst nightmare. You are doing them a huge favor by seriously considering talking to them about this. It just goes to show what a great daughter you are, and how much you love and respect your parents - that's something to be proud of. I hope you give yourself some serious props for that.
Lastly. Sex is serious. It is major. It deserves a lot of discussion - both with you boyfriend, and with people who's opinion you respect. Take your time to think about it, talk about it, etc. When the time is right you'll know, and it'll feel even better when you know that your family, loving judgements and all, embraces your lifestyle as much as you do. :)
Good Luck!
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Just simply tell your parents that you will use protection, and that you love your boyfriend. Your parents should understand and 10 months is a long time so they should be okay with it
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You can't explain it to your parents without judgement. You didn't say your age. With sex comes responsibility. Not only pregnancy but STD's. You could get chlamydia, crabs, cytomegalovirus, genital herpes, genital warts, gonorrhea, hapatitis, HIV, syphilis, trichomoiasis.
If you are responsible enough to have sex you and your bf should get blood test, you should get a pap smear from an ob/gyn. Of course you should use a condom. The only difference between true love and herpes is that herpes is forever.
I understand not waiting until marriage but be safe. Does this man really love you? Has he given you a promise ring? An ipod? A laptop?
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Well just be upfront and honest tell them how you feel and explain to them that your a teenager and teenagers tend to have urges - such as having sexual feelings about someone. Explain to them what you learn in PDHPE :P. They will be sure to understand. They went through these things and i think they should have some dirty secrets to tell :P.
Hope this helped
1993
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